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Original poster

To not send my daughter back to school? Her last day

134 replies

Zaina89 · 13/06/2025 07:05

I wrote a thread on here a couple of weeks ago that my 9 year old daughter was getting bullied, some of it racial about her skin colour and body hair ( she’s half Pakistani) and other snarky mean comments which has been going on for all of the duration of year 4 and half of year 3. Been brought up to the teachers and assistant head teacher a number of times, her teacher is fully aware. My daughter has also countless time told teachers what’s been happening.

we are moving houses and my son got a place at another school and started this week, I’ve been mentally all over the place worried about my daughter but I got a call Wednesday afternoon saying they would be able to give her a space thankfully, she starts this next upcoming Monday the 16th.

i did tell my daughter to stand up to the bully before she leaves, my daughter didn’t and wouldn’t say anything bad, she just wanted peace as she used to be best friends with this girl for the start of primary that’s why she’s more upset but she stopped being friends with this girl because she was being mean to other children and then once she stopped being friends with her she turned it into her.

yesterday my daughter went up to the girl with 2 of her friends as witnesses and said “ I’m leaving tomorrow and part of it is because of you, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to you and we used to be good friends and it’s sad it has to end this way but I wish we could sort it out” my daughter said the girl was pulling sad sarcastic faces the entire time she was speaking and then laughed sarcastically in her face and walked off.

i think this has now mentally affected my daughter as she came home in tears, she was crying on the floor in my arms for over an hour asking what she’s ever done wrong, why she isn’t liked and if she’s useless.

i made the decision last night for the sake of her mental health I wouldn’t send her back in to the school as she’s starting her new one on Monday, I told her we’d spend today going to buy her new uniform and shoes and go out for lunch to make her feel better so she’s fresh minded ready for Monday.

now I’m thinking should I let her go in for her last day or call the school and tell her I won’t be bringing her back in because of her mental health due to this and that I’ve been in countless times about this bullying some of it which has been racial in the past.

what would you do? I understand full well, my daughters teacher asked her yesterday “ are you moving for the same reason as your brother or because of the other thing” she is able to ask this because she knows full well she has done nothing about it, she( the teacher) was hugging said bully at sports day last week and she comes out smiling and laughing with this girl every day at pick up. She’s clearly her favourite hence why she never tries to sort this out.

what would you do? Send her back for her last day or leave her off? She has stuff that needs picking up from school and also wants to say bye to her friends but is adamant she doesn’t want to go in.

OP posts:
NCTDN · 13/06/2025 08:25

Have a lovely day of just you and her.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 13/06/2025 08:24

Lucyliesdown · 13/06/2025 07:14

I wouldn’t have her start at the new school until September if that was an option op. Very tricky time of year to start with only 4 weeks remaining of school.

I disagree, attending for a few weeks at the end of the year will get her knowing a few people, meeting the teacher and will make September easier.

Pricelessadvice · 13/06/2025 08:22

Please do write to the school and the governors and let them know why you are removing your child from the school and why you did not send her in on her last day.
I hope you and your daughter enjoy your day together today x

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 13/06/2025 08:19

Does it all have to be done in-house - especially when the school aren't actually interested in stopping the racist bullying?

Could it not be taken to the police? After all, if somebody repeatedly bullied you on racist grounds in the workplace, nobody would be saying that only the managers were allowed to deal with it (or ignore it).

I know nothing would ultimately come of it, but the process would be unpleasant enough for both the girl and her parents and the school to shake them up and give them serious pause for thought. At the moment, they've basically got away with it, and it probably won't even be on any official records.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/06/2025 08:18

TreeDudette · 13/06/2025 07:44

No need to ring anyone, take your daughter for a lovely day out getting ready for a new school.

She needs to inform the school her daughter isn’t going in. If she hasn’t arrived or been reported absent by the time the register closes it will trigger safeguarding protocol and the school will have to start chasing OP to check her daughter is okay. (Ironic I know when they haven’t been doing what they should to make sure she’s okay when in their care). The school will pass records over to the new school, and failure to report absence is likely to be included. OP has a legitimate reason for keeping her daughter off school, not informing the school is petty and frankly a dick move.

OchAyeTheNo0 · 13/06/2025 08:17

Leave her off.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/06/2025 08:14

Reallyyyyyy · 13/06/2025 07:35

Don't send her in. Tell the school exactly why! Can they be reported to ofsted for this? As in the way they handled it and failed (maybe not. Im not sure how these things work)

Enjoy your day off together. You both deserve it. Good luck for Monday!

Edited

Unless you’ve been through the steps of the school’s formal complaints procedure first, OFSTED will just refer you back to the school.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/06/2025 08:14

Sod that, I'd skip off into town with her and have a fabulous day, without any second thoughts. I'm sorry she's had such a shit time, and really glad you have somewhere new for her.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 13/06/2025 08:12

WhatNoRaisins · 13/06/2025 07:34

This will make me sound like a dickhead but schools are really pressured about their attendance figures so given how they have failed her I wouldn't send her in.

Edited

Yes, I agree (not that you sound like...!)

They probably won't for one day, but I'd almost hope that they officially followed the lack of attendance up and demanded to know why, so they would be inviting condemnation on themselves.

Nothing better than somebody chasing you up for a fiver that you owe them, when they owe you a million quid.

flufffyyydog · 13/06/2025 07:59

PlnkSnail · 13/06/2025 07:16

Why would you send her in??

Tell the school you're sending a letter to Ofsted about the experience your daughter has had with racist bullying. Maybe text the girl's mother and father if you think they don't know. I'd want to fucking know if my children were saying things like that.

I hope she has a much better time at the new school

I agree about telling them that you’re sending the letter to ofsted! Do that for sure.

I wouldn’t get involved with the girl’s parents as that probably won’t end well. They’re probably horrible racists themselves.

flufffyyydog · 13/06/2025 07:56

Don’t send her back. How awful for her.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 13/06/2025 07:55

Make sure you get contact info for her good friend so you can maybe arrange a play date now and then.

My good friend at school moved during year 5 and I was so sad. I appreciated her parents still bringing her for play dates :)

I would also submit a formal complaint about this girl, the actions of the teacher, and I wouldn’t let it drop.

TimeForABreak4 · 13/06/2025 07:54

I wouldn't send her and do what you planned. I'd call the school and say as she has a new place and as she's been bullied and the school haven't resolved it in anyway, I won't be sending her for another day of it.

Imbusytodaysorry · 13/06/2025 07:45

@Zaina89 id leave the decision up to your Dd . If she doesn’t want to go in then you both arrive half an hour befroe the end and collect her things and let her say good bye to the friends .

TreeDudette · 13/06/2025 07:44

No need to ring anyone, take your daughter for a lovely day out getting ready for a new school.

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/06/2025 07:42

I'd let the school you are withdrawing her immediately due to the inaction over racist bullying, and that a parent will call at Reception at X time this afternoon to pick up belongings. A formal complaint to follow

itsgettingweird · 13/06/2025 07:38

MuggleMe · 13/06/2025 07:08

If she doesn't want to go in don't send her. Arrange something out of school as a sendoff for her friends.

First post nails it.

let your DD lead it and organise something for the 2 friends who supported her outside of school.

Reallyyyyyy · 13/06/2025 07:35

Don't send her in. Tell the school exactly why! Can they be reported to ofsted for this? As in the way they handled it and failed (maybe not. Im not sure how these things work)

Enjoy your day off together. You both deserve it. Good luck for Monday!

WhatNoRaisins · 13/06/2025 07:34

This will make me sound like a dickhead but schools are really pressured about their attendance figures so given how they have failed her I wouldn't send her in.

NestEmptying · 13/06/2025 07:34

She shouldn't go. It won't do any good and it's best just to draw a line under everything and have a fresh start.
A duvet day or a day off school once in a while is really valuable for mental health I found. They need to feel protected and that's one way you can do that.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 13/06/2025 07:33

Lucyliesdown · 13/06/2025 07:14

I wouldn’t have her start at the new school until September if that was an option op. Very tricky time of year to start with only 4 weeks remaining of school.

OMG ignore this... 1 day is a long time in education; 4 weeks is ages! No wonder children today have low resilience if this is the view some parents are taking.

She would miss so much learning and there may be trips or fun days planned where she could get to know people in her new school. As long as you are straight with the new teacher that there needs to be some serious 'buddying' put in place to ensure she is always supported at break and lunch, it should be fine.

Move22 · 13/06/2025 07:33

Wakeywakey678 · 13/06/2025 07:09

I accidentally clicked yabu, but I meant yanbu! Have a great well-being day with her ❤️

You can change your vote!

Mauro711 · 13/06/2025 07:33

I too think you should keep her off today and do something fun with her. My DD was also bullied for a couple of years in primary and it was horrific. Walking away from the school was bliss and she ended up in a school where she made lots of nice friends. It took a while for her to regain her confidence though and it was daunting for her to start somewhere new.

I wish your DD all the best for Monday and you can now both put this awful experience behind you.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/06/2025 07:33

Don’t send her in. Tell them exactly why. My youngest has been being bullied in primary, not as badly as your daughter from the sound of it, and I’ve kept her off for the odd day here and there. Forcing kids into school when they’re genuinely distressed about it can actually have long term effects on their mental health.