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Original poster

To not send my daughter back to school? Her last day

134 replies

Zaina89 · 13/06/2025 07:05

I wrote a thread on here a couple of weeks ago that my 9 year old daughter was getting bullied, some of it racial about her skin colour and body hair ( she’s half Pakistani) and other snarky mean comments which has been going on for all of the duration of year 4 and half of year 3. Been brought up to the teachers and assistant head teacher a number of times, her teacher is fully aware. My daughter has also countless time told teachers what’s been happening.

we are moving houses and my son got a place at another school and started this week, I’ve been mentally all over the place worried about my daughter but I got a call Wednesday afternoon saying they would be able to give her a space thankfully, she starts this next upcoming Monday the 16th.

i did tell my daughter to stand up to the bully before she leaves, my daughter didn’t and wouldn’t say anything bad, she just wanted peace as she used to be best friends with this girl for the start of primary that’s why she’s more upset but she stopped being friends with this girl because she was being mean to other children and then once she stopped being friends with her she turned it into her.

yesterday my daughter went up to the girl with 2 of her friends as witnesses and said “ I’m leaving tomorrow and part of it is because of you, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to you and we used to be good friends and it’s sad it has to end this way but I wish we could sort it out” my daughter said the girl was pulling sad sarcastic faces the entire time she was speaking and then laughed sarcastically in her face and walked off.

i think this has now mentally affected my daughter as she came home in tears, she was crying on the floor in my arms for over an hour asking what she’s ever done wrong, why she isn’t liked and if she’s useless.

i made the decision last night for the sake of her mental health I wouldn’t send her back in to the school as she’s starting her new one on Monday, I told her we’d spend today going to buy her new uniform and shoes and go out for lunch to make her feel better so she’s fresh minded ready for Monday.

now I’m thinking should I let her go in for her last day or call the school and tell her I won’t be bringing her back in because of her mental health due to this and that I’ve been in countless times about this bullying some of it which has been racial in the past.

what would you do? I understand full well, my daughters teacher asked her yesterday “ are you moving for the same reason as your brother or because of the other thing” she is able to ask this because she knows full well she has done nothing about it, she( the teacher) was hugging said bully at sports day last week and she comes out smiling and laughing with this girl every day at pick up. She’s clearly her favourite hence why she never tries to sort this out.

what would you do? Send her back for her last day or leave her off? She has stuff that needs picking up from school and also wants to say bye to her friends but is adamant she doesn’t want to go in.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 13/06/2025 09:35

Good idea to spend the day getting new uniform and shoes.

Dsdsaaca · 13/06/2025 09:33

Lucyliesdown · 13/06/2025 09:27

Yes bad advice

what happened afterwards?

Show quote history

Bully sobbed and was in tears as they didn't expect it at all. I felt a lot of relief. I was suspended for 1 day. School told me my behaviour was "completely unacceptable". They investigated the bullying and gave out after-school detentions to them. People tended to be a bit kinder in 6th form.

Fernhurst · 13/06/2025 09:32

Wishihadanalgorithm · 13/06/2025 07:20

As a teacher, I say don’t send her in. I would be writing to the governors about this situation as well and be putting in a formal complaint.

On-going bullying is evil and the school should have done more.

Good luck to your lovely girl starting her new school. I’m sure a trip to the stationers to buy a new pencil case and pens would be well-received.

I agree with this

TiredMame · 13/06/2025 09:30

I wouldn’t either. Keep her at home and make a day of it. But a moment for how well done to your dd for saying that to the bully.
she should be very proud of herself because at least she knows she tried to make peace and it’s no longer on her.
awful school and child, good riddance I say and don’t look back

Lucyliesdown · 13/06/2025 09:27

Dsdsaaca · 13/06/2025 09:19

This will probably be bad advice but I personally felt immense relief after punching a bully in secondary and giving them a black eye. It was mid insult and I just lost it.

Yes bad advice

what happened afterwards?

Sadmummy3 · 13/06/2025 09:21

I'm glad you decided not to send her in. I'd have done the same. It sounds like the new school is better f your son's settled already.
Just as a side note schools in general are crap at dealing with bullying. My DD was bullied for an entire year. I took her out of school and had a row with the deputy head (who told me I had to bring DD back to school and I said I would once they could convince me she was safe). Funnily enough after that they were able to put measures in place.
But keep her off, write to me governors and tell them the effect this has had on your daughter.
I hope everything goes well at her new school

Dsdsaaca · 13/06/2025 09:19

This will probably be bad advice but I personally felt immense relief after punching a bully in secondary and giving them a black eye. It was mid insult and I just lost it.

Tryonemoretime · 13/06/2025 09:14

*makes me mad

Tryonemoretime · 13/06/2025 09:14

AutumnLover1989 · 13/06/2025 07:09

I wouldn't send her in and I'd be telling the school why. They've failed in stopping the bullying and your daughter was inconsolable last night. I hope she's happy in her new school 🤞x

Totally agree. I can't remember the last time I thought a child should skip school, but the way your daughter has been treated is appalling. I'd write strong letters to the teacher, the head teacher, the parents of the bully (who may not know what their daughter has done), the governors (and my MP - but I'd go over the top if my daughter had been bullied) and take your daughter out for a lovely day. Buy her new clothes, get her nails done (no matter her age) and make her very aware that she's an amazing kid. It always makes me that bullying seems to be a tolerated part of school life, but not acceptable if it happens to adults in work. Disgraceful!!!

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 13/06/2025 09:13

PlnkSnail · 13/06/2025 07:16

Why would you send her in??

Tell the school you're sending a letter to Ofsted about the experience your daughter has had with racist bullying. Maybe text the girl's mother and father if you think they don't know. I'd want to fucking know if my children were saying things like that.

I hope she has a much better time at the new school

100% this….spot on reply…good luck to your daughter OP bless her xx

FancyCatSlave · 13/06/2025 09:09

I’d absolutely send the whatsapp and I would name names in it. Call them out on it. You’re leaving anyway so it doesn’t matter what they think.

I’d also contact the governors and say that you’ve left due to bullying that wasn’t addressed. Say it how it is.

BusyMum47 · 13/06/2025 09:08

@Zaina89

Reading this, I'm so angry on your behalf - I work in a Primary School & this mis-management of the situation & attempted blame-shift onto your daughter is absolutely abhorrent!

I would definitely not be able to let that go. I'd write a formal complaint, detailing all of the bullying, the fact that the whole school body were well aware, the complete failure to do anything about it & the horrendous effect on your daughter's mental health, etc. Send a copy to the Head & Chair of Governors - they are then duty bound to respond to you.

DoubleShotEspresso · 13/06/2025 09:08

Keep her home x

Jacopo · 13/06/2025 09:08

When you go in to pick up her belongings take a written checklist to show them every single time you have previously complained.
How dare they blame your child for not complaining!
And definitely write to OFSTED with every detail.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 13/06/2025 09:04

The OP has done the important thing, which is getting her daughter away from the situation

True, but do we just accept that it's always up to the victims to make big changes to their lives and restrict their freedoms and happiness, just so that the bullies can be left to find their next victim?

Should women just never go out in public alone, to 'solve' the problem of sexual assault and stranger rape?

Does the existence of women's refuges 'solve' the problem of DV - where violent men get to stay in their own homes and keep their lives as they are, whilst their victims are the ones who need to turn their lives upside down?

In fact, why don't we stop imprisoning violent and dangerous people and just build massive prisons for everybody else instead, to keep them safe from the bad people, whilst they are allowed to carry on merrily as they like?!

Dsdsaaca · 13/06/2025 09:02

I felt like crap reading this thread and brought back lots of bad memories.

Soal · 13/06/2025 08:54

I'm so sorry you and she have been through this, OP, it's so wrong. I hope she gets a great new start and is really happy.

Sugargliderwombat · 13/06/2025 08:52

I'd absolutely send that whatsapp too. Id maybe add something about the reason for the message is incase anyone else experiences it moving forwards.

Screamingabdabz · 13/06/2025 08:38

You should go through the formal complaint procedures but if they haven’t already taken racial bullying seriously, then why waste your energy now? Concentrate on the more positive future and healing for your daughter.

And yes name and shame on the group chat. Racism should be called out and shamed. That’s probably the most satisfaction you’re going to get out of this situation. That the whole class of parents know who the racist cunts are. It’s outrageous in this day and age.

Hope your dd settles into her new school well and she has nicer classmates.

Lindy2 · 13/06/2025 08:37

Focus on the fresh start though OP. A new beginning and new friends for your daughter.

Lindy2 · 13/06/2025 08:34

Keep her off and go on your shopping trip. I absolutely wouldn't even consider making her go in now she has another school placement.

I'd also be formally writing an email to the school saying that bullying is the reason your daughter is leaving and that despite it being reported numerous times it was not dealt with by the school. I would be copying in the school Govoners and Local Authority on that email too.

Pumpkinspice13 · 13/06/2025 08:33

Keep that baby home. She absolutely deserves the day off shopping and being taken care of by her mama.
Good luck to your daughter at her new school, I hope she makes many wonderful friends and memories.

Original poster
Zaina89 · 13/06/2025 08:33

Growlybear83 · 13/06/2025 08:28

There’s no point in contacting Ofsted at this stage. If the OP wants to pursue this then she has to follow the school’s formal complaints procedure. Ofsted would only possibly get involved once the whole complaints process has been exhausted. The OP has done the important thing, which is getting her daughter away from the situation, and I’m not sure I can see any benefit in pursuing a formal complaint under the circumstances because having to deal with the different stages of a complaints procedure will only continue to cause upset in discussing what her daughter has been through. If it was me, I would write to the Headteacher, with a copy to the chair of the Governing Body, and then put all my energy in helping the child to settle into her new school and boosting her confidence after the bullying she’s gone through.

Show quote history

I have been considering posting a message on the year 4 WhatsApp group chat where I know this parent is also a member off , not naming any names but explaining to the other parents that my daughter won’t be coming back to school and thank you to all the children that were kind to her but that she’s been suffering with bullying for the past year etc and some of it has been racial and I wish the parent of this child would explain to their child how their actions and words seriously affect others and then leave the group chat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zaina89 · 13/06/2025 08:29

I left a voicemail with the school to say what had happened and that she won’t be coming back.

they just called me and said “ I’ve spoken to your daughters teacher and your daughter didn’t make the teacher aware of the altercation that happened yesterday, if she would have it would have been sorted as they don’t like unkindness in their class” and that I “ could come and pick her stuff up in a couple of hours”

I lost it and started crying and said to the receptionist that some of this bullying has been racial and the reason my daughter hasn’t been telling anyone anymore is because she thinks there is no point telling anyone anymore because nothing ever gets done.

my daughter told me yesterday she confided in her best friend because she just needed to talk to someone. So sad she cpuslnt trust her teachers with this anymore and the way they are now trying to turn it around on my daughter for not speaking up.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 13/06/2025 08:28

Reallyyyyyy · 13/06/2025 07:35

Don't send her in. Tell the school exactly why! Can they be reported to ofsted for this? As in the way they handled it and failed (maybe not. Im not sure how these things work)

Enjoy your day off together. You both deserve it. Good luck for Monday!

Edited

There’s no point in contacting Ofsted at this stage. If the OP wants to pursue this then she has to follow the school’s formal complaints procedure. Ofsted would only possibly get involved once the whole complaints process has been exhausted. The OP has done the important thing, which is getting her daughter away from the situation, and I’m not sure I can see any benefit in pursuing a formal complaint under the circumstances because having to deal with the different stages of a complaints procedure will only continue to cause upset in discussing what her daughter has been through. If it was me, I would write to the Headteacher, with a copy to the chair of the Governing Body, and then put all my energy in helping the child to settle into her new school and boosting her confidence after the bullying she’s gone through.