Schools and their shit - a rant

I think schools absolutely should give parents the opportunity to be involved whenever they can. I don't think it's expected that parents go to everything and I'm lucky to be able to myself (self-employed so able to juggle things).

As a PTA member, we are having to up our game. The school have no money, so trips and fun are now our job. Have you seen the price of a coach these days? We have to do a lot more to keep paying for the same things.

That's only part of it though, the best bit for me making a community of the school rather than a mere institution. In DDs primary, no child is by themselves when parents are there. They join in with their friends' families and that is lovely! Please try not to feel bad, it takes a village.

I've filmed races at sports day, phoned parents to talk to their kids after they won, cheered for kids like they were my own and meant it. They are amongst people who care for them whether you're there or not and it's good that they learn that.

Some of the things you talk about aren’t seen as a burden by many parents. Welcome events are expected by parents and OFSTED because people generally like to know where they’re sending their children. If either of the schools you’re using have more than one welcome event, then they are trying to be as convenient as possible for parents. Leavers events are important to children and they don’t happen every year. It should be worth taking time off for.

Events that are about raising money isn’t done for the teacher’s benefit. They would rather not have to attend summer fetes and such like, but children enjoy them and it supports the educational provision your children receive, so for parents it’s really just parenting.

This seems like a huge amount for two kids.

My two are in y5 and y2 and this half term has the following going on:
Summer fete needing parent volunteers
School discos (also needing volunteers)
Ice cream sales
1 school trip
Sports day

For me this is quite basic school admin but there is always more that goes on in the summer term. It seems quite relaxed compared to the huge amount of things other people have going on. Maybe there’s loads more for y6 children…?

There has been some “for info” emails about cooking etc but hasn’t required any action from us.

I always volunteer for ice cream sales and the school fete but not for anything else. My two don’t go to the school discos anyway.

I understand how you feel about all the end of term events that ask for parental involvement. When my three children were at this stage I was a teacher and at that time it was unheard of for teachers to get time off to attend. I hope that schools are more flexible now but I doubt it.

I missed all sports days, assemblies and so on but their childminder would be there to cheer them on, she was local to the school and had a number of children she looked after before and after school. It was not the same but needs must, I was divorced and my ex was not very hands on

I do wonder how my children felt not seeing me in the crowd.

I’m with op. Teachers do their job and I do mine. Get on with it and leave me alone

Child's primary school USED to send out a newsletter at the start of the term with pretty much all the dates on. Parents Evening, church service, transition days, rehearsals, play; SATS, everything. It was so useful; put the dates into my calendar, see if I could swap shifts etc for plays.
School secretary retired and new headteacher came. Absolute shit storm.

I find it particularly odd since teaching is not a job that can just be dropped and immediately left. My mum was a teacher and couldn’t answer her phone in lessons. So if we were ill, they’d have to call the school, who’d get a message to her, someone would have to cover the lesson etc etc.
So of all workplaces to get annoyed that someone else can’t immediately drop work, I wouldn’t expect it from a school.

Obviously if someone is clearly pissing about and not collecting their child then that’s not acceptable.

Excellent system.

To add a different point. One friend is an office admin assistant. She always rings the mother first as the mother is less likely to be abusive and shout at her when she rings to say a child is unwell.

Re: calling mother first, my dh took all the forms to nursery to register my youngest. He was down as default contact I was secondary as I have signal issues and I tend to work during the day and he works at night. One rare occasion I was nightshift and he wasn't working I woke up to 10 missed calls from nursery and he had none! I cant even remember the issue it was nothing serious as I recall.

Another time when oldest was at nursery we told them we are nightshift keywords (during covid) and that we are asleep and may not answer phone very quickly. They phoned me 1 time and him 1 time then came to our door to go and get our daughter who was "extremely unwell" no she was going through a growth spurt and was tired.

Meant to add for the 2nd one we were nightshift that night so trying to get some sleep before going on shift as she was going to my mums for 2 nights while we worked. We then managed to split our shifts so someone was always available.

Yes, I know. It's a pain! I can't remember my parents having to do a lot of form filling and remembering to do this and that.

The good old PTA. There to raise funds for the school because the school doesn't have the funds, Trouble is, PTA's in trying to help by coming up with all these bake sales and fundraising events are causing a lot of the things that parents have to remember.

@dottymac the OP said that her DH IS listed as the priority first call. And yet they phone her. I had exactly the same when mine were primary. Ex-Dh wfh a few mins from school. He was marked as number 1 contact and yet every time they would call me. It’s the default to call the mother.

You could argue the school put so much on so you can chose which to attend rather than attend them all, this is pressure you are putting on yourself not the school on you. My kids know I can’t attend them all as I work. That’s life. Yes they get disappointed, but they learn that sometimes work has to come first because we need money to live. I don’t think that’s a bad life lesson for your children, and probably better than a pissed off martyr parent who turns up to everything livid and clearly doesn’t want to be there.

re life admin, just allocate one hour a week to go through all communications, eg I do it whilst my kids are at swimming. That’s it. Anything that comes up with less than a week’s notice, I miss it and that’s just life again, your own peace of mind is important too. Anything that pings up on your phone, just ignore till that hour you’ve allocated. Job done.

Many teachers are parents themselves so can’t go to their own children’s events. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be offered. If you can’t be arsed then don’t go.

I hear you 100%! I’m finding the combination of several primary school events (all mid week at 2pm) along with multiple high school transition day/evening/sports events far too much.

Sadly my mother never turned up to a thing when I was a child and still now feel the pain of no-one being there. I want to attend as much as possible, but can only accommodate so much. DH is an NHS clinician, so has very limited flexibility too.

The worst week was the one we got 24 emails in 5 days. But the run up to Christmas and the end of the school year are bonkers. I could be at school three times a week if I chose.

We have this. It’s difficult, because I like that the school does so much for and with the kids, and I’d rather that than the alternative. And I do expect to contribute towards making stuff happen, and am very happy to if said events fall on days when I don’t work.

But there is a definite whiff of wifework sometimes (eg requirement for very exotic costume, virtually impossible to buy off the shelf, earlier this term - I’m willing to bet it was mostly the mums sitting up glueing and stitching stuff together rather than the dads).

And there’s a real expectation that a parent is generally available during the school day, perhaps working lightly from home but definitely available at the drop of a hat and able to be summoned. I don’t mean if a child is unwell, I have no problem with them expecting me to get there as fast as I’m reasonably able to. But things like meetings at short notice during the school day which require anyone who doesn’t work very locally to take a half day’s leave, afternoon meetings which end half an hour before pick up time, that sort of thing. I don’t expect the timings to be different as the staff are there when they’re there, but perhaps an acknowledgement that it might not be easy to facilitate at such short notice.

Emails? FTS.

Our kids used to come home with a printed calender of forthcoming items every couple of weeks. Far better!

I think schools are thinking about the children and about offering them experiences that'll give them.their best memories of their time there. I don't think they necessarily think of those as inconveniences for parents. You can choose which ones to attend.

As a school administrator but also parent of 2 primary school children, I can see from both sides. Your transition type events are one type of thing, and your fun events are made to be a bit of light relief after a busy school year - to celebrate the kids achievements and allow you all to let your hair down. It's a verrrrryyyy long term this one and yes it is busy, but I think some bits are necessary like meet the teacher/parents evening etc and anything else just don't do it if you can't or don't want to. We definitely can't moan as we get it from plenty of entitled people who say we don't do enough and the others say it's too much. It's all intended to keep the children at the centre of everything we do, for their benefit. Please bear that in mind.
Also, you will have to specify your order of preference for being contacted when children need collected. Sometimes when we are juggling a million things at once (as you can imagine the numbers of moving parts in a school at any given time), we might not catch that it's dad/gran/childminder first. It's a simple mistake and although frustrating, not a huge deal. Usually at that point we are holding your child's head over a sick bucket or cleaning up from their stomach upset, while consoling them as they are upset because WE CARE about them! (And I am eternally grateful to the staff aty children's school as I know from experience that they are doing the same for my children when they are unwell/sad/worried. So please forgive our admin error at that point and have some patience and understanding 😏 not so easy to understand how It is when you don't work in a school but just a chance to get some insight from someone at the coal face. Hope that helps.

My DDs end of term assembly is next week, I know this because she told me. There has been no communication from the school about it despite the expectation that parents attend (small special school with lots of parental presence). I called the school to confirm the date and time, apparently they can’t tell me because it’s not been finalised, but yes I should plan to attend. How the fuck am I supposed to guess the right day and time!

You're so lucky your children are offered so many wonderful opportunities to have experiences outside the classroom!

Who should look after your sick child in your opinion? I don't think the teacher can leave her class to attend to one child.

I definitely understand this. I've got 3 in primary and 1 in secondary school. I get multiple emails a day from my eldest's school, related to his GCSEs but it's the primary school I'm struggling with. They all have separate sports days, class assemblies, " stay and play" where you go into their class and go through their books with them. I accidentally missed one and felt terrible. Then there are parents evenings, summer fair for which they have had several own clothes days in exchange for certain things donated for that. Two have had school trips in the last week that required certain kit and a packed lunch. One is singing in a church next week so I need to attend that also. All this spread over 4 weeks.

Yanbu, year 6 leavers the last two months was the most insane insanity I have ever known. The events, the class whatsapp, the school emails, the residential, hoodies, leavers bookes, own clothes, bake sales, dress doen, dress up, people going mad over finding red carpet for the leavers disco, teachers leavingz teachers coming, sen meetings, talks about this or that, festivals, pta meets, sports days.. i felt like i had gone through a mill complete insanity