Schools and their shit - a rant

Same here. As the name suggests I spend a lot of time in court. DH is working at home 5 minutes walk from the school and is down as the primary contact and yet it's me having to text him frantically in the middle of a hearing to say the school is trying to call me again.

It also really annoys him, because he went part time specifically to be the parent on call and it's such a clear message that he's not seen as an equal parent.

OP, I have all of the school's emails filtered into a dedicated folder and check it once at the end of the school day. I agree the constant flow can be a bit overwhelming. The other thing that frustrates me is the number of documents attached to emails that could just be in the email - newsletters, letters about events etc.

These are minor gripes though. The school is generally fab and very responsive.

(Edited to put all my thoughts in one place!)

I assume you chose you be a working mum. What did you expect?

It doesn’t have to be that way. We used to get a newsletter once a week with a forward look for two weeks of dates, and a link to the school calendar that had dates for the whole year. Anything specific for the next two weeks was flagged, not just events but dress up days etc that need some time to prepare. They were good about explaining what kids needed for sports day etc very clearly (eg KS1, please come in sports kit with sun cream on and a full water bottle, wear t-shirt in house colours, their races will be 9.30-11.30 if you want to attend).

That allowed me to spend an hour a week going through the newsletter line by line, putting key things in the family calendar, buying a costume or ingredients or a prop to represent their birthday month or whatever online, and generally getting organised.

If school hadn't done that, I would have struggled to keep up with all the asks. And I’m organised and good at admin. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people (mostly mums) to manage multiple sources of information conveying unpredictable asks with short deadlines.

Maybe home school them if you don’t like how schools operate. They aren’t for free childcare.

That really isn’t a lot of notice @Reugny . Just because your school gave even less. Neither DH nor I could make the lunch because we hadn’t had time to rearrange our work schedules.

It always baffles me when people have children, then complain when they have to parent. Did you not thoroughly research what having children involved before you had them? Were you not aware of how schools work? What school hours are? Is it not common sense that if your child is ill at school, someone will need to collect them? This is all so weird.

Parental attendance / participation is not compulsory. You can say "no".

How sad that you don’t want to take any interest in your DCs school lives.

I’m very grateful that schools put on so many opportunities for me to watch my kids.

This term we have lots on. There are events I cannot attend. My children know that but I make sure I booked A/L for the important ones and try to send another adult or ask a friend watching their child to keep an eye on mine - so my children feels included. Our school send out a calendar of events which is updated during the year but key dates eg residential and sports day are planned well in advance with a reserve day for the inevitable rain (like this year!).

I am mindful that most of the staff have children and miss their kids events due to work.

As for calls to collect sick kids - I work in the community too and cover a large area. I cannot drop and run - however a quick “Thanks for letting me know, I will call husband/granddad to collect asap” is no hardship. It takes 2 mins to make the follow up call to say “child sick please collect”.

Schools have a hard job, cannot please everyone but are trying to do their best. So thanks to all the school staff.

Like you, I had children leaving infants and juniors a few years ago. I also had one leaving nursery and a separate preschool which meant I had four leaving events to go to in two days. It was… intense.

If the school rings me I always say “oh, is DH unavailable?” as his name comes first.

When I first had children in two different schools, thst September I had 103 emails from them. So I told both heads (nicely, in passing comments at parents evenings)… pointed out that if I, as a literate, office based, permanently online parent couldn’t keep up with them, there’s no chance some parents could. Things have radically improved since then.

the guilt at the things I don’t go to is still nuts. And the grandparents who cover the parents just makes it more apparent to my DC that they don’t have those either.

im so grateful for my kids schools for the opportunities they give but blimey, it’s hard…

The pro lem with one email is that lots of parents do not read anything and THEN kick off at the school because they were nit informed. Many times I'd get a mouthful they didn't know about 'the ......' I'd ask if they knew about the trip ? - yes - Well it was on the same letter as that.....and they'd still bloody argue.

First contact should be called, they're atcfailt for that.

All forms of contact, my sons school send atext message which then hits as an email link. Primary school, text messages and a physical newsletter, I don't know any schools who run a WhatsApp, lots of parents do but I don't join those.

I think it's wonderful that they are trying to give the children so many great experiences. If you don't want to attend any of them you can just ignore it.

This. Our teachers and PTA work like dogs on some of this stuff and I do try to support it/bung a shop bought cake into my trolley etc.

But - yes this term is long and really stuffed with things, seems to happen every year.

Yes, I would love it if school would just send out one accurate email with everything on it rather than, on consecutive days, We need a pound coin! Bring a bake! Bring swimming trunks! Wear yellow! Inset day! Field trip! D&T week, bring a cornflake box! Make a jolly jar! Oops, nit outbreak, check your kids! Phonics check! School play! Class barbecue, bring ketchup! and so on. And yes please to all these things being circulated on one medium rather than a combination of email, Famly, Teams, WhatsApp and posters.

If you can’t be arsed then don’t go.

And that’s part of the problem, the assumption that if you can attend every single thing it’s because you just can’t be arsed. In the next 10 days between two kids I have 2 dress down days, one summer celebration, one school concert, 2 school trips, one primary school graduation, two school discos a water fight and a graduation party. Only 4 need a parent to attend but they all take some diary management and planning - literally something every day til school finishes a week on Wednesday.

Its not that I can’t be arsed, I’m juggling constantly and need a minute.

No-one is saying the teacher should leave the class to look after a sick child. The office staff usually keep an eye on a child who is ill until parents can collect. The point PP are making is that despite clear instructions to the contrary the office rings mum (not the named primary contact) to collect the DD when she works 30 mins drive away and then gets annoyed when she says she will be 30 minutes.

Parents of school-aged children are expected to work (I believe those on benefits are required to prove how long each week they have spent looking for work once their youngest child is at school) and that means not everyone can be available to run to school in five minutes and sometimes, yes, the person in the office will need to look after a sick child.

Be thankful you have the opportunity to attend these events if you want to. The teachers having to cover these events for the benefit of your DC are often missing their own kids’ events as a result.

That's a lot of notice.

My DP was told once when dropping DD that lunchtime they were having an exhibition of the kids artwork for the parents to come to.

On other occasions we have been given a day's notice.

Re: calling mother first,

Thanks to warnings on here as I have a unisex name, my sex and title are deliberately not put on my DDs forms.

This means the only person who would call me first on occasion would be my DDs childminder but only because she would call/message the parent first who dropped the child off.

It’s the lack of notice that gets me. DS’s school decided to drop in a parents lunch on 2 days notice this week. Luckily MIL was available.

Sports day is on 24th June, we have no idea of timings yet.

You know SAH parents also have shit to do right.

I took over a Prep School secretary role and found my predecessor was keen on sending multiple emails to parents willy nilly. I tried my best to send one email per week listing any events and what was required. Although, I did find myself sending multiple follow up emails chasing permission slips etc.

if only some parents had also limited themselves to one email per week!

Our school is really mindful of this, the head says she found it a nightmare with her own kids so keeps parental comms and events to a minimum. The kids do loads but it is mostly parent free. In contrast friends at a nearby school have same as you @Icannoteven. they had a 3 week settling in period, ours had 2 days. They have had monthly stay and plays, we have had 1 all year.

Jesus Christ. Am I supposed to take the entirety of July off to deal with school admin and attend day-time events? It’s so relentless. Add medical appointments on top of all this shite and it’s amazing any parent manages to ever hold down a job.

Not everyone who has a FT job works 9-5 Monday to Fri. DH was a shift worker that worked weekends and nights, which meant he could attend sports days and school plays most of the time, and help out on the school residentials. Part of the huge reason he had that shift pattern was so he could be around during the week for school activities (and also reduce childcare costs). So in answer to your question, we both managed to hold full time jobs without depleting our AL balance.

oh god absolutely this. Our school is full of performance mums who MUST have everything every year. They take it all seriously and honestly are the most sad load of status-obsessed insta-influencer idiots you ever saw. Really care about sports day. Go and watch fixtures (why??!) Crow on the parents whatsapp about which five a side football team of nine year olds won. Jesus. Obsessed with having the stall making the most money at the school summer fair. One of them CRIED when the leavers' hoodie was printed slightly wrong and we had to get another one. Oh no the precious memories ruined!!! Get a fucking grip! One got angry with me 2 years ago when I said I didn't want my kid to have hair extensions and a full face of makeup for the summer show. "But it's the THEATRE!!" No, there was no character reason for it, you just wanted all the girls to look made up with long hair in a shite glossy OTT way. I wanted my primary age child to sing a song in front of some mums and dads, with her own hair and face.

Basically taking these activities seriously is a huge sop to those adults who have no life. It is possible to do amazing experiences for the children without the parents being there. In the case of my school they are materialistic show off wankers too, which is really my problem, but the whole "taking it seriously" crap just gives me the utter ick.

No. I’m jealous. My DD missed every single leavers thing when year 6 ended at Easter due to Covid. No leavers assembly, no y6 trip, no leavers prom, no induction day, no visiting the new school at all- first day at secondary school was to come in and do a nasal swab and go home again. Then it was masks in class and corridors in term 1 and then they missed most of the rest of y7.
How I wish I could have been in school to watch my dd doing all the leavers stuff.

I get it OP - my five year old had her first sports day a few weeks ago. Fine, apart from the email literally said events will be spread between 9.30 and 2pm so bring lunch to spend the day here. What working parent can bunk off all day because they can’t tell me what time DDs events are?! Cue upset child at pick up time as I couldn’t sit there all day.