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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about receiving crappy gifts?

60 replies

streth · 12/06/2025 15:42

Just had a birthday and the gifts were seriously disappointing. I would have preferred nothing just so I do not have to get rid of them.

The gifts were:

Baking tin set wrapped in Christmas twine in a Christmas gift - I don't bake
A bag with a political slogan which smells strongly of takeaway food like Chinese
A scarf in a crushed box which is not my colour or style
Box of generic fudge from tourist city - the kind where they change the sleeve on the box to the location
Another box of stuffed dates that I received last year also

I don't like any of these and have given most of them to the charity shop already but I guess what hurts is the complete lack of thought. They seem regifted (definitely the Christmas one) which is fine but they didn't have in mind whether I actually like these things. I don't. They know me well enough to know I do not like these kinds of gifts. It is just very disappointing.

OP posts:
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Tuesdayschild50 · 04/12/2025 19:52

I understand this.. at home we now say within reason and budget what we would like or if money would go towards something it's a win win x

Original poster
streth · 13/06/2025 15:33

Screamingabdabz · 13/06/2025 11:53

I’d have just dumped them in the bin. They don’t sound worth donating.

Gift giving is a love language to me and thoughtless gifts are so hurtful.

Regifting is lazy and stingy in my opinion. If you’ve been given something that doesn’t suit you but you know a mate will love, just give it to them ffs. That’s a nice thing to do. But don’t give it as a present.

I wouldn’t have the guts to say anything to good friends - I might take the piss and say ‘thanks for Christmas bake set in June (laughy emoji) … can I ask why?’ but I would certainly think less of them. They’ve just physically shown you they don’t care about you.

I was tempted to dump them but if it raises money for the charity then it is worth it.

Gift giving is definitely my love language too. I love buying ]gifts and wrapping them beautifully with ribbons and tags!

OP posts:
Original poster
streth · 13/06/2025 15:32

HarrietBond · 13/06/2025 11:51

It took me ten years to stop my MiL giving me the same thing for Christmas every year. A food item I don't really like that was always slightly out of date - I finally realised she was getting it herself every year as as a birthday gift in June and then regifting it to me in December. She meant well and just wasn't hearing the hints about me not liking it, nor noticing that they were well past their best by the time I got them. In the end DH told her, in passing and casually, that I had totally given up eating pretty much anything with sugar in, and finally it stopped.

I will regift if it feels like a present someone would like. But outright tat, no, and I understand that you feel hurt and frustrated, OP.

Well done on working it out. There usually is some reasoning behind some of the regifted gifts. It just shows they are are not really giving something with the true meaning of a gift but just regifting stuff they probably do not like or want themselves.

Sad it took DH to step in before she would listen.

I would be too embarrassed to give tat to friends!

OP posts:
Original poster
streth · 13/06/2025 15:29

AllTangledUpInTiarasDefinitelyNotTwerking · 13/06/2025 11:46

I voted YABU but only because you've not kept them all to re-gift right back! Xmas Wink

I am happy to regift but only if I feel the receiver would genuinely like it otherwise I will donate it.

OP posts:
Auburngal · 13/06/2025 12:01

My ex MIL and SFIL gave me an ovulation test kit on the last birthday I was with my ex. I didn't speak to either them in the 7 months between my birthday and me splitting up with ex. ExMIL wanted grandchildren. Well, she has thanks to my ex's DB - 3 biological and 4 step.

Screamingabdabz · 13/06/2025 11:53

I’d have just dumped them in the bin. They don’t sound worth donating.

Gift giving is a love language to me and thoughtless gifts are so hurtful.

Regifting is lazy and stingy in my opinion. If you’ve been given something that doesn’t suit you but you know a mate will love, just give it to them ffs. That’s a nice thing to do. But don’t give it as a present.

I wouldn’t have the guts to say anything to good friends - I might take the piss and say ‘thanks for Christmas bake set in June (laughy emoji) … can I ask why?’ but I would certainly think less of them. They’ve just physically shown you they don’t care about you.

HarrietBond · 13/06/2025 11:51

It took me ten years to stop my MiL giving me the same thing for Christmas every year. A food item I don't really like that was always slightly out of date - I finally realised she was getting it herself every year as as a birthday gift in June and then regifting it to me in December. She meant well and just wasn't hearing the hints about me not liking it, nor noticing that they were well past their best by the time I got them. In the end DH told her, in passing and casually, that I had totally given up eating pretty much anything with sugar in, and finally it stopped.

I will regift if it feels like a present someone would like. But outright tat, no, and I understand that you feel hurt and frustrated, OP.

AllTangledUpInTiarasDefinitelyNotTwerking · 13/06/2025 11:46

I voted YABU but only because you've not kept them all to re-gift right back! Xmas Wink

Original poster
streth · 13/06/2025 11:44

NewShoesForSpring · 13/06/2025 11:41

In that case I guess you're just venting & not going to make any changes that would prevent this from happening again

I dislike re-gifting. I don't do it myself & I think it pretty much always obvious when it happens. But each to their own I guess

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I have told people numerous times that I am a minimalist and the kinds of things I like but it is not going to make a difference if people are short of cash or it is easier just to get rid of something they do not want.

OP posts:
NewShoesForSpring · 13/06/2025 11:41

streth · 13/06/2025 09:37

No they do not tell me they want to regift. People don't usually say say here is a regift because I didn't want it.

I haven't told someone I have given them a regifted gift but I do try and make sure I am confident they like it otherwise I will give to the charity shop.

I don't think it is unreasonable not to be happy with a bag that smells of Chinese takeaway food.

I have made an effort because I like to and they have got me lovely gifts in the past.

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In that case I guess you're just venting & not going to make any changes that would prevent this from happening again

I dislike re-gifting. I don't do it myself & I think it pretty much always obvious when it happens. But each to their own I guess

Original poster
streth · 13/06/2025 09:37

NewShoesForSpring · 13/06/2025 08:24

Do your friends tell you that they just want to regift?

If so why would you expect anything other than the sort of things you were given? And secondly if this is their way - why are you bothering at all? Why are you putting effort into buying nice things for them?

If you want to change this you either have to suggest that as a group you all go for a meal or drink or theatre or cinema etc - ie spend time together to celebrate. Or vouchers. If you say nothing, nothing will change

Show quote history

No they do not tell me they want to regift. People don't usually say say here is a regift because I didn't want it.

I haven't told someone I have given them a regifted gift but I do try and make sure I am confident they like it otherwise I will give to the charity shop.

I don't think it is unreasonable not to be happy with a bag that smells of Chinese takeaway food.

I have made an effort because I like to and they have got me lovely gifts in the past.

OP posts:
NewShoesForSpring · 13/06/2025 08:24

streth · 12/06/2025 19:30

I think this is a great idea but people want to regift so don't want to be restricted in anyway. That would cost money unless going for the option of no gifts and some people do not want to spend anything or regift the tat they do not like.

Show quote history

Do your friends tell you that they just want to regift?

If so why would you expect anything other than the sort of things you were given? And secondly if this is their way - why are you bothering at all? Why are you putting effort into buying nice things for them?

If you want to change this you either have to suggest that as a group you all go for a meal or drink or theatre or cinema etc - ie spend time together to celebrate. Or vouchers. If you say nothing, nothing will change

Original poster
streth · 13/06/2025 08:13

5foot5 · 13/06/2025 00:42

They know me well enough to know I do not like these kinds of gifts. It is just very disappointing.

Are you sure?

I voted YABU because maybe your gift givers don't know your taste as well as you think they do and they are buying things they think you might like.

Have you ever told them what sort of thing you prefer? What do you prefer?

I have given thoughtful gifts yes. I think it was laziness and thoughtlessness just to grab something they have been given they did not want and regift.

To be fair, they don't always get it wrong. Just this year is really bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
streth · 13/06/2025 08:11

halfpastten · 13/06/2025 00:34

I didn't get a single gift for my birthday. Somebody remembering in any way would have been lovely. Be grateful YABU.

You would rather get a bag with a political slogan that smells of a Chinese takeaway? It showed somebody thought about you?

OP posts:
nomas · 13/06/2025 06:42

streth · 12/06/2025 16:20

Surprisingly good friends who I get on with and like.

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So they’re happily taking your thoughtful presents and giving you shit in return?

I’d say you’re not doing any presents anymore. They know they gave you shit gifts so won’t complain.

hattie43 · 13/06/2025 06:34

halfpastten · 13/06/2025 00:34

I didn't get a single gift for my birthday. Somebody remembering in any way would have been lovely. Be grateful YABU.

Don’t be ridiculous. Just because you got nothing doesn’t mean others should be grateful for a pile of awful gifts . It’s not a race to the bottom

5foot5 · 13/06/2025 00:42

They know me well enough to know I do not like these kinds of gifts. It is just very disappointing.

Are you sure?

I voted YABU because maybe your gift givers don't know your taste as well as you think they do and they are buying things they think you might like.

Have you ever told them what sort of thing you prefer? What do you prefer?

halfpastten · 13/06/2025 00:34

I didn't get a single gift for my birthday. Somebody remembering in any way would have been lovely. Be grateful YABU.

namechangedforvalidreasons · 13/06/2025 00:02

streth · 12/06/2025 22:44

They used the gift bag from the perfume you gave them for olive oil???

I hope it was decent olive oil.

That reminds me. I have been given out of date food products many times. It takes one second to check!

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TK Maxx finest 😂

Original poster
streth · 12/06/2025 22:44

namechangedforvalidreasons · 12/06/2025 22:02

Wow that’s appalling. Verging on pointedly bad. After the year I was given olive oil in a Dior gift-bag, complete with tissue (they only had the bag because I got them Dior perfume) I just started telling people I like book tokens. I do. Easy.

They used the gift bag from the perfume you gave them for olive oil???

I hope it was decent olive oil.

That reminds me. I have been given out of date food products many times. It takes one second to check!

OP posts:
namechangedforvalidreasons · 12/06/2025 22:02

Wow that’s appalling. Verging on pointedly bad. After the year I was given olive oil in a Dior gift-bag, complete with tissue (they only had the bag because I got them Dior perfume) I just started telling people I like book tokens. I do. Easy.

Original poster
streth · 12/06/2025 21:23

@GetOffTheCounter I think people do feel pressured to gift but giving regifted crap helps nobody. Even a bar of chocolate would be better than that.

OP posts:
GetOffTheCounter · 12/06/2025 20:57

And I said before- with the COL crisis right now, I am sure some people feel pressured to gift, even though they can't really afford it. I know I do - had a birthday last weekend and the group dynamics are everyone buys a gift as well as go out for a boozy lunch. I am strained right now financially and one of our friends is on UC and really struggling and I felt really bad for her when she came up with what was clearly a charity shop piece of crockery and was clearly mortified about it.

GetOffTheCounter · 12/06/2025 20:49

BerylDismass · 12/06/2025 19:30

I find receiving gifts stressful. My house is small, I don't want more things to clean and tidy away, I have everything I want and need. I have gently and firmly asked family for years not to buy or get me anything for birthdays, but I am always accused of being a killjoy. Whenever I suggest doing something instead to create a memory (coffee, meal, walk) people roll their eyes. It actually caused a huge argument between myself and a close family member this year. I really do wish people would bloomin' listen!

I feel the same. Our house is cluttered as DH is a bit of a hoarder and I can't stand having more shit in the house. I'd rather a nice meal out with people at most.

A few years back for a 'Big Birthday' I got railroaded into hosting a big party by extended family who said 'everyone expects it' and even though I said 'please no gifts' on the invite people wanted to gift something. Which is kind, but now it just means I have a ridiculous amount of stuff I don't like, won't wear and will never use hanging around.

GinnyandGeorgia · 12/06/2025 19:35

I'd rather receive a small bunch of flowers (a fiver from the supermarket) than crap gifts!

Vouchers are tricky because people get embarrassed about giving too little - as if a cheap crap present could be worth anything but they like to pretend.