To dislike it when people shorten my child’s name?

I’ve had this all my life. My name can be shortened using either beginning or end of it. A bit like Jonathan can be Jon or Nathan. People always shorten it to the first half which I detest but my family always called me by the second half which I’m fine with. It took me till I was a confident adult to be able to say to people who shortened it incorrectly ‘that’s not my name’ quite firmly and give them my full name.

Do this for your son and encourage him to say the same

Always baffled when people say it will happen get use to it or it’s not a big deal.
It’s plain rude to call someone a shortened version of their name when they have given their full name.

I’d hate it too - because it’s not his name! I know someone called Dave who has always been called Dave. I presume his first name is David but I’ve never heard anyone call him that. On the other hand, my friend’s DH is called David. Always David, never Dave. They’re like two different names in a way, and it would be really weird to hear someone call David Dave.

People do this to one of my DC too. It’s like they just use a general name not the actual name. Called Thomas, oh you must be Tom then. My DC is a name like Charlotte and is always called Charlotte, never shortened, yet some TAs insist on calling her Charlie. I think they think they’re being friendly or cool or something. I actually asked the school to stop it as it was upsetting DC as it wasn’t her name and she felt like they were talking about someone else and didn’t know her.

TLDR - just tell them, OP.

It seems a very mumsnet thing to shorten a perfectly good name but I personally don't like it. My name is 2 syllables and most people use that name, and it is my name. Occasionally people who hardly know me shorten it, which is annoying. Trouble is, it can be tricky to ask them to use the full name without it seeming petty.

We did choose our sons' names bearing shortenings in mind but DS 2 has a name which is almost always shortened and he kind of gave up. He's still known by the full name in the family though; the short version just seems like another person to me.

Stick to your guns @Sleepingqueen

People do this to me and it’s absolutely rude. It should not be necessary for me to correct them because if I provide my name, that is clearly the name I want used.

we intentionally gave dc a name that can’t be shortened for this very reason.

This. He’s 8 so he better start getting prepared now.

Your son has probably picked up the behaviour from you if you don’t like it shorten. Not a big deal but people will call him a short version of his name whether he or you like it.

I think don't pick a name with a common shortening that you don't like, eg don't choose Stephen if you hate Steve.

My brother and SIL did this, spent his whole childhood saying 'no it's Stephen' and getting irate. I've been drummed into Stephen now and can't say anything else, but if course, nephew is an adult now and is Steve to everyone and actually doesn't like Stephen!

Just chill out about it.

One of mine hates having his name shortened as it's not his name. I do find it odd that I say this is David and people say back hi Dave. Not what I just said! I feel the need to uphold his preference, but wouldn't if he was happier to use the short version.

No, but similar idea.
I have absolutely no issues with names being shortened if the person who the name belongs to is happy with it. In fact I specifically chose names with at least 2 recognised shortenings, so my girls had some control over what they are called, they are the ones who have to live with it their whole life, not us. But if someone wants to be called by their whole name, or 1 shortening rather than another people should respect that.

I have a name with no recognised shortenings, but people still try, which is really annoying, as they sounds ridiculous

I'm afraid your son has a lifetime of this ahead of him and there is nothing you or he can do about it.

I'm in my 70s. I have a longish but very common name that can be shortened to one syllable (which I hate). Total strangers have unilaterally shortened it all my life. I will introduce myself to someone new by my (full) name for the first time and they will start shortening it literally within seconds

I appreciate that people think they are being friendly when they do this, so I try not to mind. But if I say, in a very polite, friendly way, that I prefer to be called by my full name, people often react as if I am being rude.

My name is not unusual or difficult to pronounce so why are people so resistant to using it, even when asked nicely?

Far from getting used to it, I am actually finding it more and more irritating as I get older. Grumpy old woman? Who, me?

For this very reason I did not use 'Alexandra' (not sure if it is your DD's name). I do not like Alex for a girl (fine on a boy).
I loath nicknames.

There was a thread yesterday about name pronunciations which turned to a similar question to this.

I think it’s all about choice and familiarity. I’ve a 6 letter name that is often shortened to a 4 letter name and sometimes a 2 letter one, and really some just call me by my first initial if they want. I like all of them except my full name. Actually I’m now coming round to that.

But all those abbreviations were ones introduced by close friends and which I then held onto. I chose to use them. I never much cared for the long version, and it got to that the only person who used it was my mother. My mother was difficult and rather scary and so I still have to stop myself jumping and thinking I’m being told off whenever someone uses it.

My mother used to say, ‘—- is your name, I chose that and that’s what should be used’. Yes… but it’s my name now, and I should be able to choose by what I wish to be known.

That said, my point on the previous post was an argument against those strangers that randomly decide to call you something else. I’ve a colleague I had to tackle who is constantly shortening people’s names (even in correspondence). He started referring to someone called ‘Bob’ and it took me a while to realise he meant our (rather stern and very ‘proper’ CEO) Robert, whom I doubt has never been referred to as Bob my anyone. i asked my colleague if Robert had asked to be called Bob, and my colleague said, ‘oh, no, I was just being friendly’. I mean even if Robert doesn’t mind a shorter version of his name there are several alternatives and he might hate Bob!

I would say that at 8 your son is getting to a point when he can decide what version of his name to use, but needs your support in that. You say he likes the full version, and so you are perfectly right to help him ask others to use it. But over time he may decide that he quite likes the version of his name his friends sometimes shorten it to.

Just persist in reminding people, it's frustrating but works eventually 😴 Family in my experience are the trickiest - they want to call DS something 'special' to them - so it's done with kind intentions

I have the opposite. I shorten my son's name and it confuses everyone as they call him by the long version. Anyway, I have a short name but am called all sorts based on my surname.

I like the shortening of my son's name but he insists on the full name and is quite happy to correct people. In fact he made the switch completely at school in about year 4 I think and now his school friends sometimes correct me which I find funny. So I'll say have you seen Tolm and they'll say "it's Thomas"

Is there a more childlike shortening, with a y, eg. Tommy, Billy, Danny, Bobby

I think you’re all batshit to give a hoot about this.

I’m on your team OP. We have a Matthew. Because we love the name Matthew, not Matt or Matty. It’s Matthew.

I have a name that is automatically shortened - my family use the shortened version, friends use the shortened version and I HATE the shortened version. I once requested family used the longer version and they said “you think your posh now, do you?” and refused. I also started a new job and thought I would start as I meant to go on and introduced myself to my supervisor by my full name and was met with “oh no, far too formal, I will call you shortened version of your name”. (And it’s not a ridiculously long name think along the lines of Deborah Vs Debbie). So I have no say in my name at all. So I understand your frustration completely!

Are you not correcting them? When it comes to family I would expect to have a quiet word with them out of earshot of your DS and make it clear his choice to be known by his proper name.

If your DS doesn't like it, tell them. When someone shortens it, tell them "please don't shorten his name, he doesn't like that, his full name is ... "
If they continue, avoid them and if they question why, be honest. " You can't respect DS and call him by his actual name so to avoid upsetting my child, we've distanced ourselves from you". Done.

This is such a bugbear for me!
I have a name that a majority of women with the same name shorten. I HATE the short version with a passion. I was never called the short version as a child as my parents didn’t like it either - yes have questioned why they chose the name when it would obviously get shortened🤦🏼‍♀️

It really pisses me off when people meet me and immediately shorten my name when I have introduced my self as full name.

I personally never shorten someone’s name unless they say they go by that version.
If your son doesn’t like it please speak up for him, repeat until they get the message.

I have sometimes ignored people who have called me the short version.

I was like this when my son was younger and could feel myself getting annoyed when family or teachers called him by his shorter version.
However he is now 15 and it doesn't bother me at all!! 🤔

Assuming you and your DS tell people how they want to be addressed then yanbu if they continue to do so. You have to be blunt - I’ve told you repeatedly to please use DS full name.