To dislike it when people shorten my child’s name?

I think I am the only person who calls my brother by his full name !! His wife and even our parents shortened his name 😀it so odd now I think about it but the shortened version just should odd on my tongue !!!

It’s not precious, it’s their/their child’s name! I like the name Oliver but I don’t like Ollie. I’d never call my son Ollie. Just because you (presumably) like both Oliver and Ollie doesn’t mean others do. How would you like it if you mentioned your son’s name and another mum replied, “Oh, I’ve got a Liv too!” That would grate on you, wouldn’t it, because your son, Oliver/Ollie, is never called Liv. Even if it wouldn’t grate on you personally, surely you understand that others have perfectly reasonable preferences.

One of my DDs has a name that can be shortened into three very different names. She likes one. Hates two. So do I. The first two ‘shortened names are - if I am completely honest - the sort of names that make me grind my teeth together (completely irrational, but I imagine it’s because I’ve never met a person with those shortened versions who wasn’t a bit…pointless). I don’t really love the third one (which she likes) but it’s her name (and I am just grateful she didn’t choose the other two).

She’s 12 now, and if someone uses the incorrect version she doesn’t reply. I have no issue with it. It’s basic manners to call someone by their preferred name - either shortened or full length. I’ve found teachers and doctors to be the worst for it, particularly when she was younger.

Our children have names like this. I had to have a word with nursery about it with my eldest. Took youngest (can’t say his own name yet) to the GP and he says “Hi Tom how’re you?” I’m like who the fuck is Tom so I say “This is Thomas” and the GP says “What do you like to be called Tommy?” So I’m seething because HE CAN’T SAY HIS NAME. His name isn’t Thomas but you get my drift. We chose our boys names because we like the shortenings but it’s for them to decide not us. My eldest hates being called anything other than his long name too, in fact he refers to his reflection by a shortening, eg if his name is Daniel then he calls his reflection Danny.

You’re in for a long haul! I keep correcting people who call me the male version of my name and it’s fucking constant and I’m so so fed up of it. To the point I’ve considered changing my name legally

People can’t even get it right when my name is in the email address

I liked several names for my child, but hated the shortened versions. So I made sure only to give them a name which if shortened would be 'tolerable' to me.

Fortunately, they like and use their full name and no one seems to shorten it.

My name can be pronounced two ways and I absolutely hate one of the pronunciations. Usually I correct people if they say it the wrong way. There was one friend though who said it a completely different way. For some strange reason I never corrected her, but it irritated me every time she said it and even more if she introduced me to others saying my name the wrong way. We drifted apart eventually.

Now though, if anyone doesn't use the right pronunciation, I politely correct them every time.

So, OP, correct everyone that doesn't use the name that your DS wants to be called. So that he has the confidence to do so in future on his own.

I think it's entirely understandable that something that upsets your son, upsets you too. No need to search for any other reason why this bothers you. This is reason enough.
I'm not clear whether you are correcting people when they do this, but I think, for your child's sake, that you should be. A simple "he doesn't like his name being shortened. Please use his full name." should surely be enough for reasonable people? And support (or keep supporting) your son to tell people he doesn't like it as well.

I think it’s understandable that you’re annoyed that family who know that your child prefers to be referred to as his full name instead use a nickname so consistently, especially in something relatively formal like cards. To me it’s not that different than family members making a mistake like writing Catherine instead of Katherine. It’s understandable that some people get it wrong, but family members should try harder.

Is it being precious or stating what they call their child?

At 8 it’s fair enough to call him as he wants.

But some people really are too precious. I once was at a mum group and someone with a 1 year old says I have an Oliver . And I was like aww, I have an Ollie too. She goes. No, it’s Oliver. 😂

Outloud. I just went ‘oh’ - smile. Inside what I thought was; you really need to get over yourself love - we are not going to be friends.

I have a name that’s really commonly shortened and I don’t like that version of my name. I’ve been ignoring people who shorten it since I was a child. It’s worked a treat! 😆

You're just going to have to get used to it. It's out of your hands.

Dhs mother is the only person who is still using his full name. She'll still fighting that battle - he's pushing 60!

You would only be unreasonable if your DS preferred the shortened version but as he clearly doesn't then you're definitely in the right. Your DS should be called the name he wishes to be called. I agree with those who have said that it's rude to assume people will prefer shortened versions of their name and even worse once they have made it clear that they wish to be called by the full version of their name. I don't care how "affectionate" people think they're being, it's disrespectful to think you have more right to decide what someone is called than they do themselves.
When my DD was in her teens she decided she wanted to be known by a shortened version of her name that I really don't like, but I still used it. It's her name, not mine!* *I confess that when she reverted to using her full name a few years ago I was very pleased, but I made no attempt to influence her. Once someone is old enough to express a clear preference about which version of their name they want to use I think that should be respected by everyone. (Unless they want to be called something offensive of course.)

I never ever shorten anyone’s name unless I hear them (or parent) do it first.

Just keep using his full name.

It’s fine for him to tell people ‘my name is xxx’ too.

But that's just rude if uninvited.
Absolutely fine, if Joseph wishes to be called Joe, or Alexandra wants to be Alex, but it's not at all polite to just assume that's how someone wants to be addressed, regardless of the intent.
If OPs child wants to go by their full name then that's what people should use.
I'd be taking the approach that If people don't use the right name, they don't get a response.

Exactly. Basic manners to call people by the name they say.

Tells me the person doing it is disrespectful and lazy. Ime, said people don’t like when they’re called a shortened version of their name.

DS1 & DS2 names can’t be shortened and DD1 could be but no one would without sounding ridiculous and no one knowing who they’re talking about.

This thread makes me feel very glad that all my DC have names that can't be shortened. People messing about with their names would have driven me nuts.

I don’t get why people do this, it’s just plain rude. It’s his name, he gets to choose what version of it he wants to use. Keep correcting people. We’re the other way round, DD prefers the shortened version of her name. I’ve had to email several teachers to explain this. They all took it on board and used the short version in the register. As a teacher myself, if I notice a child using a shortened version of what’s on the register I’ll ask them what they would prefer me to call them. I don’t understand how anyone thinks it’s acceptable to decide to call someone by a different name to the one that person has told them to use, it’s their name for goodness sake, they get to decide.

British people seem pathologically incapable of using a person’s full name. I absolutely hate it. People try and shorten my name all the time and it drives me nuts.

This is why both my kids have one syllable names!

Sorry your son doesn’t like it. I actually think to insist on calling someone by something they’ve told you they don’t like is really disrespectful.

I have a short name and people lengthen mine for me 🤣. My parents gave me my name so it could not be shortened. They did not account for people lengthening it instead.

I used to have a manager called David, there were also several daves that worked there . Manager David was often addressed as Dave and corrected it every time. Someone would go ‘ Dave, can I have Friday off’ and he would say “it’s David , and no’ every single time. It took fucking ages but eventually we all got it. I either you or your ds need to do this. “Tom do you want an ice cream” ? “It’s Thomas and yes with a flake” every time.

Where it gets tricky (as the name caller) is when you know numerous people of the same name but go by different shortenings or not. If you don't have time to think you sort of grasp for the one you're most used to saying. 😬

I think it’s a case of get over it. All three of my boys have very shortenable, traditional names. Throughout their lives they’ve each been called numerous versions of their name…think Benjamin, Ben, Benjy. By different people and at different times. I fully knew that would be the case and made my peace with it…you can’t control other people, only your own reaction. I call them all by their full name and like that it’s only me that does it…when they play sport the other parents laugh at me shouting it out. They do actually all just get called by their surname now by all their sports friends and coaches, which I didn’t predict! And my eldest has a completely left of field nickname too. Let it go or you’ll go mad!

Firstly, you speak to your DS and make extremely clear that he is absolutely entitled to say "no, my name is [full name]" or, when they say "Tommy" say "Thomas". Teach him polite but firm phrases.

Secondly, when it is said to you - you do the same and, if you hear someone ignore his request, you step in and advocate for him.

It is his name and his identity. Frankly, I couldn't care less whether you prefer it shortened or not - it is his name and he is old enough to choose - and he has chosen. It is a violation of his boundaries to continue to refer to him by a name that is not his name - it is rude. I don't allow people to be rude to my child any more than I'd allow my child to be rude to other people.

Treat it exactly how you would treat them calling him an entirely different name. If he's Jacob and they call him "Jake", respond as if they called him "Leo" - it's simply not his name.

I get the opposite where people assume my name is shortened and ask me what my ‘actual’ name is. I once went to Boots for an eye examination and when I said ‘I’m X, I have an appointment at 3’ she responded by telling me she needed my real name because the glasses prescription is a legal document. I was like yes, X and she said ‘no, your full name’ - i just whipped out my driving licence and showed her and she said ‘oh, right ok, because you know if it wasn’t your real name…’ I was absolutely stuck for words.