To be grateful to MN for helping me realise this?

MatthewL · 2025-06-12T13:06:58+00:00

I posted another thread about the fact my mum called me selfish for liking my own company as a child. This landed very badly with me as I’m an only child and had already been called the various insults associated with that stereotype. As a result of being desperate to avoid being labelled selfish I became a doormat and was badly bullied and humiliated and went into abusive relationships. MNetters responding to my post says it’s not ‘selfish’ to like your own company. AIBU to say thank you MN these responses have helped me so much

L00pyLou · 12/06/2025 20:48

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 19:57

And you Regular name change?

So you saw this thread and decided… I’ll name change.

yes I’m sure you did (from @MatthewL !”)

Edited

Once you've posted on a thread, you can't post under a different username. You get one username per thread.

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 20:07

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 20:06

Hope you get over your past

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? 🤣🤣🤣

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 20:06

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 20:04

Yes I suppose I should've said "as irrationally invested as you". Personally I consider my concern quite rational because who likes bullies (although as I said your bullying attempt really isn't very successful, multiple people have agreed on my posts and nobody else is inclined to bother with you). But this is silly. Peace out. MN will remove my post if I am indeed OP, although why I bother explaining myself to the likes of you is a mystery

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Hope you get over your past

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 20:04

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 19:56

Good god you're assuming I'm as invested as you to do that.

Quite a long post there for someone not invested 😆

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Yes I suppose I should've said "as irrationally invested as you". Personally I consider my concern quite rational because who likes bullies (although as I said your bullying attempt really isn't very successful, multiple people have agreed on my posts and nobody else is inclined to bother with you). But this is silly. Peace out. MN will remove my post if I am indeed OP, although why I bother explaining myself to the likes of you is a mystery

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 19:57

And you Regular name change?

So you saw this thread and decided… I’ll name change.

yes I’m sure you did (from @MatthewL !”)

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 19:56

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 19:47

Good god you're assuming I'm as invested as you to do that. I'm not OP. I regularly NC so weirdos can't search up my history.

Just give it up, its only making you look like a childish little bully, and also like you cant read at all. People can read the original thread themselves, and see its just 1 or 2 who even mentioned the mum, not the majority you claimed... And they can also see that another 1 or 2 did mention its ok to enjoy your own company which is exactly what OP said. Others have clicked "agree" on my post just so you know.

Maybe its true OP needs to work on their mum issues / mindset but what you have said about the majority is absolutely untrue and what OP has said on this thread is true. Gently, if it pains you so much to watch someone else unlearn something negative about themself, go work on your self esteem. Bye now

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Good god you're assuming I'm as invested as you to do that.

Quite a long post there for someone not invested 😆

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 19:47

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 19:01

Oh @BoredAgain12345 you are the Op 🧦

or did you join up to mumsnet to just post on this thread?

Good god you're assuming I'm as invested as you to do that. I'm not OP. I regularly NC so weirdos can't search up my history.

Just give it up, its only making you look like a childish little bully, and also like you cant read at all. People can read the original thread themselves, and see its just 1 or 2 who even mentioned the mum, not the majority you claimed... And they can also see that another 1 or 2 did mention its ok to enjoy your own company which is exactly what OP said. Others have clicked "agree" on my post just so you know.

Maybe its true OP needs to work on their mum issues / mindset but what you have said about the majority is absolutely untrue and what OP has said on this thread is true. Gently, if it pains you so much to watch someone else unlearn something negative about themself, go work on your self esteem. Bye now

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 19:01

Oh @BoredAgain12345 you are the Op 🧦

or did you join up to mumsnet to just post on this thread?

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 19:00

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 18:51

Not all though? Just 1 or 2 PP (who were being quite nasty or not so pleasant, which I thought was why most of the other PPs disregarded them and proceeded to answer OPs question properly). Minority not majority, dont know why you keep trying to twist 1 or 2 PP into the majority

And equally a few PP did mention OP wasnt selfish for enjoying her own company. Its fair if that helped OP

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I think we’re talking at cross purposes!

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 18:51

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 18:43

Oh I agree with the majority on that one
no one was being nasty I thought

all just trying to tell op (as have done so on other threads about her mother being the cause of every ill in her adult life) that she can’t lay the blame at her mothers feet for 100% of why she is so dissatisfied with her
Life

and telling that the op twisted that thread to start a new one…. Basically thanking mumsnet for something that the thread never actually did!

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Not all though? Just 1 or 2 PP (who were being quite nasty or not so pleasant, which I thought was why most of the other PPs disregarded them and proceeded to answer OPs question properly). Minority not majority, dont know why you keep trying to twist 1 or 2 PP into the majority

And equally a few PP did mention OP wasnt selfish for enjoying her own company. Its fair if that helped OP

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 18:43

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 18:28

It was just a small minority of 1 or 2 PP being nasty on that thread, not the majority though? I think on AIBU just a few nasty PP is pretty good actually as its usually a pile on

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Oh I agree with the majority on that one
no one was being nasty I thought

all just trying to tell op (as have done so on other threads about her mother being the cause of every ill in her adult life) that she can’t lay the blame at her mothers feet for 100% of why she is so dissatisfied with her
Life

and telling that the op twisted that thread to start a new one…. Basically thanking mumsnet for something that the thread never actually did!

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 18:28

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:18

I hope you took on board what the majority were saying too

It was just a small minority of 1 or 2 PP being nasty on that thread, not the majority though? I think on AIBU just a few nasty PP is pretty good actually as its usually a pile on

BoredAgain12345 · 12/06/2025 18:25

I remember your thread, good on you for realising its ok to enjoy your own company. On the contrary it was selfish of your mum to expect her child to fulfil her need for company.

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:23

Your thread was to think being “easily led” is the opposite of selfish

now’t to do with social or not

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:18

I hope you took on board what the majority were saying too

Original poster

MatthewL · 12/06/2025 17:13

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:12

Most didn’t even comment on that particular line of questioning

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No but at least 2 did and that was enough for me 🙌

OP posts:

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:12

MatthewL · 12/06/2025 17:09

Yes - agree, but even those who ‘disagreed’ with me on that thread did say that selfishness doesn’t mean lack of sociability (whatever the reason) and that’s the point that was significant to me coz took me ages to unlearn thus.

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Most didn’t even comment on that particular line of questioning

itsgettingweird · 12/06/2025 17:12

I’m the oldest of 3.

I like my own company and found childhood difficult because I encouraged to mix more than I was comfortable with.

My ds is very like me in personality and is an only.

Im actually very sociable and so is DS but we are really happy in our own company and do t rely on others for happiness and don’t feel the need to join in with others because they think we should find the same things as them - “fun”.

YANBU.

Original poster

MatthewL · 12/06/2025 17:09

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:06

I was read the thread you started Op, and the consensus was rather different from supportive of you? Basically you can’t blame your mother for everything, which is what most agreed?

Yes - agree, but even those who ‘disagreed’ with me on that thread did say that selfishness doesn’t mean lack of sociability (whatever the reason) and that’s the point that was significant to me coz took me ages to unlearn thus.

OP posts:

Original poster

MatthewL · 12/06/2025 17:07

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 16:44

Please say you now have nothing to do with her in any shape or form?

She’s dead - so no!

OP posts:

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:06

I was read the thread you started Op, and the consensus was rather different from supportive of you? Basically you can’t blame your mother for everything, which is what most agreed?

Original poster

MatthewL · 12/06/2025 16:44

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/06/2025 16:43

It is the opposite of selfish.
Enjoying your own company is a gift.
I'm glad you are feeling better, words can really hurt.

Thank you - and yes they definitely can!

OP posts:

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 16:44

Please say you now have nothing to do with her in any shape or form?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/06/2025 16:43

It is the opposite of selfish.
Enjoying your own company is a gift.
I'm glad you are feeling better, words can really hurt.

Myrobalanna · 12/06/2025 16:40

MatthewL · 12/06/2025 16:20

There’s an element of this definitely!

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Sorry about that, it is really horrible in a very boring way. I'm no use, I manage it by telling my mother next to nothing any more!