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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be frustrated by the way some men throw around “no homo” and similar phrases?

61 replies

WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 13:44

I know I’m generalising here but one of my biggest frustrations with certain male spaces is the internalised homophobia that’s definitely rooted in misogyny. Anything that falls outside of a rigid, heteronormative framework gets labelled as ‘gay’ and you hear phrases like “no homo” constantly. It’s like some men are so afraid of being perceived as anything other than hyper-masculine that they can’t even express basic emotions without a disclaimer. AIBU to find this exhausting?

OP posts:
GardenGaff · 12/06/2025 15:35

I’ve never seen or heard the phrase “no homo”, I’ve just asked my 22 y/o son and he hasn’t either.

Maybe we live under a rock if it’s as prevalent as you say it is.

HunnyPot · 12/06/2025 15:35

JHound · 12/06/2025 14:54

The data says this is a lie.

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The data you haven’t provided? 🤣🤣🤣

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 12/06/2025 15:31

Never heard it from anyone. This is literally the first place I've seen it.

popcornpower2025 · 12/06/2025 15:27

Ha I haven't heard anyone say that in at least 10 years, if not more.

Chiseltip · 12/06/2025 15:17

JHound · 12/06/2025 14:54

The data says this is a lie.

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The "data" is usually wrong.

JHound · 12/06/2025 14:54

HunnyPot · 12/06/2025 14:41

I find women are more homophobic than men. Most men I know are more inclusive and understanding of LGBTQ+ issues than women.

The data says this is a lie.

JHound · 12/06/2025 14:53

OchonAgusOchonOh · 12/06/2025 13:51

I've never heard the phrase "no homo" and none of the men I know would ever use gay in an insulting way.

Maybe you should change who you hang out with?

Sigh..

HunnyPot · 12/06/2025 14:41

I find women are more homophobic than men. Most men I know are more inclusive and understanding of LGBTQ+ issues than women.

Persephoknee · 12/06/2025 14:30

It’s a kids thing. They have had Pride stuffed down their throats for ages so they say this as a rebellion to the current narrative, that’s all. Pendulums always swing.

InterestedDad37 · 12/06/2025 14:27

Bloke here 🙋
Possibly a generational thing? 🤔
I'm in my 60s, and in various male groups for sports and hobbies, (ages 30-80) and I've never heard "no homo" or similar. We might have done something like that at school in the 1970s, but even then we didn't mean it, and we all knew gay/lesbian people and were totally cool with it 😊

Original poster
WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:16

Ablondiebutagoody · 12/06/2025 14:06

Internalised homophobia rooted in misogyny? Say what?

Yes because in many cases, what’s policed isn’t just sexuality but anything considered ‘feminine.’ When a man avoids showing affection or vulnerability for fear of being called ‘gay’, it’s often because society has taught him that anything associated with queerness, or even softness, is inferior. That’s where internalised homophobia and misogyny overlap.

OP posts:
Original poster
WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:13

KrisAkabusi · 12/06/2025 14:06

Where do you live? So far only one other poster has heard the phrase "no homo", but you hear it so often you're exhausted by it?

I live in the UK and to clarify I don’t mean I hear it daily in person but I’ve seen and heard it enough in certain male-dominated spaces (online and offline) that the pattern is noticeable. It’s less about literal repetition and more about the attitude it represents - discomfort with emotional vulnerability or anything deemed too ‘soft.’ That broader pattern is what I find exhausting.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 12/06/2025 14:12

WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:10

I literally answered this in another comment before the one you’ve highlighted here. Read!

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It was clearly a cross-posting. FFS!

LateQuartet · 12/06/2025 14:12

KrisAkabusi · 12/06/2025 14:07

So have you ever heard it in person, or is it all online? Because if it's just an online thing, it's easy to avoid. Stay off reddit!

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Exactly. Someone asked on another Mn board about whether my home city, where I currently live, was 'as bad as she'd heard'. It emerged that her source of information was the local Reddit, so, interested, I went to have a look.

The majority of what had been posted over the past year was generated by the same small group of men who seemed to be posting from their bedrooms and not in much contact with the rest of the world, and far from a representative sample of the population. If you were basing your opinion of the city, or even its male population, on Reddit, you would think it consisted entirely of semi-literate knuckle-draggers who communicated entirely via a series of strangled yelps about asylum seekers and women who won't sleep with them.

ginasevern · 12/06/2025 14:11

I haven't heard "no homo", I assume it's a more recent expression? I did used to hear blokes occasionally saying things like "what a gay jumper" to a mate if the jumper was maybe bright pink or "could you be any more gay" if one of them was afraid of, say, a spider. I don't work with men anymore (hoorah) but I've no doubt they still say things like this, and much much worse.

Planesmistakenforstars · 12/06/2025 14:10

I see it a lot online, never IRL, and only in a tongue in cheek way.

Original poster
WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:10

KrisAkabusi · 12/06/2025 14:07

So have you ever heard it in person, or is it all online? Because if it's just an online thing, it's easy to avoid. Stay off reddit!

Show quote history

I literally answered this in another comment before the one you’ve highlighted here. Read!

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 12/06/2025 14:07

WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:06

It’s more common among younger guys especially in online or bantery male spaces. Think Reddit, gaming chats or certain social groups where emotional expression is policed with humour. I’ve heard it mostly from men in their 20s and early 30s - it’s not necessarily said with malice but it does reflect something deeper about how some men are socialised.

Show quote history

So have you ever heard it in person, or is it all online? Because if it's just an online thing, it's easy to avoid. Stay off reddit!

Original poster
WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:06

Snorlaxo · 12/06/2025 13:54

I’ve never heard that phrase.

Where do you meet these “men”? How old are they ?

It’s more common among younger guys especially in online or bantery male spaces. Think Reddit, gaming chats or certain social groups where emotional expression is policed with humour. I’ve heard it mostly from men in their 20s and early 30s - it’s not necessarily said with malice but it does reflect something deeper about how some men are socialised.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 12/06/2025 14:06

Internalised homophobia rooted in misogyny? Say what?

KrisAkabusi · 12/06/2025 14:06

Where do you live? So far only one other poster has heard the phrase "no homo", but you hear it so often you're exhausted by it?

Original poster
WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:03

NeelyOHara · 12/06/2025 13:52

I’ve never heard the expression ‘no homo’ and I’ve met some knuckle draggers in my time. Is it regional?

It might be partly regional or generational but I’ve heard it mostly from younger men or in online spaces that mimic “locker room” culture. It tends to pop up when someone expresses anything remotely emotional or complimentary towards another man and they feel the need to clarify their masculinity with “no homo.” It’s one of those things you might not notice until you’re in certain circles but once you hear it you start spotting the pattern.

OP posts:
Original poster
WarmGreyCritic · 12/06/2025 14:01

DiscoBob · 12/06/2025 13:51

I believed it was a tongue in cheek thing. Like 'of course there's nothing wrong with being gay, but society has taught us men to have an irrational fear of it, which is ridiculous. So it's mock 'fear' where there is none? Like I thought it was mocking homophobia?

I could be totally wrong and I've only really seen it said on shows or online rather than IRL. So I guess it depends on the person saying it? I guess it's about whether gay people would find it offensive. That's really the main issue.

Who do you know who says it, what are they like as a person?

I’ve heard that argument before - that’s it’s satirical or meant to mock homophobia itself. But the thing is, satire only really works when it punches up or has clear intent behind it. A lot of the time when I’ve heard it used in real life, it hasn’t come across that way at all - it’s more like a reflex to distance themselves from anything seen as ‘soft’ or emotional.

The guys I’ve heard using it are pretty ordinary, some funny some not but it often comes from a place of discomfort rather than critique. And you’re right, the real question is whether LGBTQ+ people find it offensive. If the answer is yes, then maybe we need to retire the joke.

OP posts:
LateQuartet · 12/06/2025 13:59

OchonAgusOchonOh · 12/06/2025 13:51

I've never heard the phrase "no homo" and none of the men I know would ever use gay in an insulting way.

Maybe you should change who you hang out with?

This, and I'm in an all-male household, work in a male-dominated workplace, and have good male friends.

AMillionTomorrows · 12/06/2025 13:58

I’ve heard it OP from a teenage boy. I agree with you.