15 months olds behaviour...help

ikea do a sort of standing-stool-tower thingie so that toddlers can climb in and clamber up to a little standing-platform that allows them to be at the same height as the kitchen counter-top. My DSIL made one for my DGS when he was at that age. Enabled him to feel included at meal-prep time. V useful at this stage.

Sorry OP - a 15 month old isn’t close to being capable of understanding/following something like ‘not allowed in the kitchen while mummy is cooking’, your expectations are way too high. Just because she sometimes follows an instruction like ‘get your shoes’ doesn’t mean she’s wilfully ignoring all other requests, she’s super young, barely a toddler.

This is genius actually. Making your stroppy toddler laugh is brilliant for defusing refusals. The sillier you are the more they like it 😁

If she's refusing to put her clothes or coat on, say "Ok, mine. Not yours!", put it on your head and walk away. It works almost every time for us, and the little miscreant is usually running after us wanting to wear the previously offending item. It's also good for your posture to try to balance a shoe on your head.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

I would say don't ever pick your battles over something youve already said. If you say its time for shoes then don't back down. Picking battles is if theyre playing messily and you decide to ignore it. Be careful with the instructions you give out because you have yo make sure they're followed through on.

Solidarity ! It's hard bloody work !

I can only go on a walk with my 18mth baby if I'm happy to hold her like a rugby ball while she pushes the buggy. If I force her to stay in the buggy, she is capable of screaming/crying until she vomits. I've had to UBER my way home from the playground 3 times in the last 2 weeks.
Your child sounds like a dream tbh. Just keep telling yourself 'this is just a phase'.

Also embrace that she wants to be with you, i had to with my son as he loves being near grownups watching and doing, so we had a toddler tower in the kitchen since he was a year old and he chops soft veg or I roll out clay and he cuts shapes etc while I cook, its a lovely thing actually. Be nice to use to loo alone one day but I'll miss my shadow the rest of the time😅

Both my children are very determined.
You have a determined child too probably.

I 💯 know the struggle... I still remember my oldest fucking refusing to hold hands or be safe on roads and would announce "No! Noooo! I hold my own hand!" And she would clasp her hands and flounce across the road.
..
I feel my BP rising just typing this 😅

imo you are going to have issues if you dont chill out a bit and lower your expectations (which are way off). Like honestly you need to reset you are setting yourself and her up for a rough time if you dont.

my youngest is 16m now so same age. He is more determined / willful / whatever than oldest
he frequently "ignores" me...except he isnt ignoring me. he's actually just totally absorbed in the birdy out the window or flicking cheerios off the high chair for the dog or whatever new thing he is learning / seeing. You make it sound like shes trying to disrespect you or something?

She knows she's not allowed on the kitchen when I'm cooking, this is definitely boundary testing.

This isn’t boundary testing.. and its a mistake to think it is. Its totally normal for an under 18m old babyto want to be in the same room as you- her mother. I'd get a high tower and get her involved. Dry pasta and a plastic bowl on a counter next to the hob. Spatulas etc are a real thrill for 1- 2 yrs olds too.
Your dd sounds bright, mine understood safety from fairly early on you just stay consistent with it

@Chipsahoys advice sums it up for me. Your dd sounds perfectly normal.

In fact, your post literally describes ALL one year olds. So just chill, and practise positive parenting…

Honestly your expectations are ridiculous. She’s knows she’s not meant to be in the kitchen?! At 15 months? Don’t be absurd. She wants her mummy’s attention which all 15 months old do! You distract and entertain. You don’t pathologise normal behaviour. This is really sad to read. You’re just being so negative about totally normal behaviour (of a just turned one year old!)Yes some children prefer to sit on their parents’ laps at baby groups because they are shy and others prefer to run about but they all express their own views and desires at home and that is NORMAL. Please just love your little one and don’t worry about ‘behaviour’ from a child who is basically still a baby. Keep things positive and light and model good behaviour.

My son was and is like this, also an early walker and good language, he's two next month. He knows his mind and always has, is a wierd mix if highly strung and totally chill, like we can take him out all day to the city and wander about, long train travel to see family and he's absolutely fine, yet will kick off about the most inane thing. He also runs off in his toddler classes while other children his age enjoy the songs on their parents laps, theyre all different is all.

We found that we were saying no to everything so stopped saying it a while to break the habit and stop it becoming white noise. We stopped him doing things that we'd usually say no for of course but in general tried to avoid the word as he just said it back or did the thing while saying no,no and shaking his head 😆 also pick our battles too, if it isn't going to do harm then we just let him be a toddler too, they're learning this way.

We also found that in a scenario like you described with shoes and wellies, a quick explanation usually works, even a daft one that makes no sense to grownups, for example my son wouldn't wear his new canvas shoes til I said but these are moon shoes, you can walk on the moooon with these, while putting them on hom, now he wears them no problem. Little stories to get through the day and get them doing as they need to 😅

You say she understands she isn't supposed to be in the kitchen, she's 15 months old! Literally a baby, they can't control their impulses for the most part at this age and she'll easily forget that in the moment if she wants you.

Yes, I now just take the coat and when they get cold, hand it to them without comment.

Gosh op she is so tiny still. A baby not even what I'd think of as a strong willed toddler.

Some of the discussion here about choices is way too complicated for a baby of this age

I'd just try to let go about so many of these things really ..what she wears etc.

Try not to over analyse it...it's exhausting but totally normal

People comment eg. Today someone said "she's a real character" before she'd even got out of the pushchair...

As a mum of 3, now adults and a grandmother of 2, I can safely say, they ALL, without fail, go through at least one phase of being "a real character". OK, with some that stage lasts longer than others but it will definitely come to the person who commented eventually.

You have been given some great advice above,limiting choices being one.

I'll just add one more that I hope will make you smile... it's not your parenting, it's her childing!

She’s just a baby. Redirect, distract, allow her options when you can. Make things seem like her idea or as if she’s helping. Count to ten, stress eat chocolate and scream into pillow.

Offer choices, pick your battles. Toddlers have so little power in their lives so if we can give them more control/choices (within limits) it makes life better for them as well as you. Also be mindful that tolerance for frustration drops when they are tired or hungry. She sounds exactly like my now 22 month granddaughter (who lives with us along with her family) and has had strong opinions about things from babyhood. Some things at non-negotiable but mostly we accommodate her if we can. Can you set her up with some raw veggies or fruit to eat when you are cooking?

Might be worth looking at a learning tower/kitchen helper so she can come and stand up at the work surface and "help you" cook. My twins love theirs and being able to do things. It demands your sides are clear but they can see what you're doing and even do some food prep. My now 3.5 year olds will even stir the food for me now of they think it's burning

If I could have my time again I would do baby signing, although appreciate you may be a bit late for that… My DD was hard work at this age but got (a bit) better when she could communicate. Not much help but here for moral support!

If it's a big deal for them and a small deal to you let them have it. I'd let her wear the wellies

From being young I taught my daughter to make a choice and suffer the consequences as long as it wasnt serious stuff. One prime example, put your coat on it's cold outside , ' I don't want my coat on I choose to be cold' ok says I, 2 seconds out of the door ' I choose to put my coat on' 😃 She also knew not to say no if something was necessary though, I used to say 'if I make a request that's reasonable and not naughty, then you do not say no'. She was very bright like your Dd, firm but fair is aleays the way Imo

Their favourite word at that age is no. It is exhausting but you have to be firm.

Can she be with you in her high chair in the kitchen?

Don’t present things as options or opportunities for refusal eg - here are your shoes. Lower your tone at the end (so it’s not seeming like a question).

Give alternatives that both have the end result - such as if she can shoes on herself, could try “do you want me to put them on or can you do it?”.

The wellies are probably easier to get on 😅

Sounds like my youngest. Super advanced. Turned out she was autistic and really can't cope with being told what to do.

How's she sleeping?