Crazy religious ex husband

OP, I recognise many elements of your post, especially the fervour around the Latin mass.

I am really concerned for you - being ill (both chronic and incidental) makes people more vulnerable.

The fighting/clever part of me wants to say: how about the seven works of mercy? The basic attention to physical and emotional need that takes account of the sick, or those who are depleted. In the old rendering - food to the hungry, drink to the thirsty, visits to the sick. Today it could mean - remembering you need attention and listening to, your son needs caregivers who remember he is depleted after a school day.

The more earthy part of me wants to say - start making plans that separate you from DH.

I've seen the destructive side of TradWorld as well as the way people depend on it for survival. Not pretty.

@Lavenderfarmcottage I think you are under reacting.

Religious extremism can lead to dangerous situations.

It might be worth your time speaking to Social Services and getting their advice. If your son is being forced to observe zealot like faith then they may intervene. Your poor boy is going to grow up pleasing others to his own detriment if you don't reinforce now that he can have healthy boundaries and he can say no to his DD.

Don't compromise with ex anymore. He's not meeting you halfway and you've done enough.

Please consider that his warped zealot mind may go even more over the edge when you start pulling back and you may be physically unsafe near him.

None of the woman and kids murdered by men ever think they will be. Be careful with your ex and put your son and self first.

Unfortunately it's a sure fire way to put off your DS for life. Very sad.

Could it be that the increase in religiosity is linked to online radicalisation? I am saying this because what's been a plague in Islam is increasingly observable across Christian denominations. The thing about Latin mass is especially telling - that is promoted by RC bishops who want to reject modern Catholicism. They are really something else. Usually, they are also linked to pro Putin and pro Orban far right organisations.

I am religious and this is not normal...

Let him do his religion but make it clear he has to respect what others would prefer when you spend time together. Twenty minutes praying? I would’ve used that time to take my son home. He’s found a great way of making sure his son doesn’t want to be alone with him.

Convincing, manipulative, messing with your head, seeming nice but controlling, all this is abuser signs, and the religiosity is a red flag. He might be a narcissist from what you’ve said. You need to edge him out of your life and stand firm. You have my every sympathy. Find your NO and keep to it.

The relationship doesn't sound very healthy for your son. I would put a stop to it for a while. Don't forget, parental contact is supposed to be for the benefit of the child, not the parent.

Excessive religiosity is mental illness. I wouldn’t pray with him at all, ever. He’s having a breakdown and needs a doctor.

You are all getting the wrong end of the stick here. .it wasn't the OP's ' ex having the apparitions. It was saint around 500 years ago urging folk to go to mass on nine consecutive first Fridays of the month. Thats what her ex is doing. I personally don't believe in the validity of apparitions.

I think you should talk to your/your ex’s priest. This behaviour is definitely not normal and would not be encouraged by even the most conservative RCs.
The mention of an apparition is indicative of mental health problems.

For those saying we would not be taking this view if the DH was a Moslem and insisted on praying several times a day -the difference is that mainstream Islam supports that interpretation so a Moslem would not be acting unusually. Even Opus Dei would not be arguing for this.

I would also discuss with your DC’s school. Is it an RC school? They may be able to offer support.

Why did you refuse to pray but not make it clear to your son that he could do likewise? Nobody of any age should be forced into religious observance. Is your son a believer? Yes, he's young but he's old enough to be told that he doesn't have to pretend to believe things he doesn't to appease his father, and even if he does currently believe what his father has taught him to, prayer that's forced presumably doesn't mean much to God, and praying doesn't have to mean praying the rosary for 20 minutes (or using the rosary at all). Defend the child's autonomy and right to think for himself along with your own.

He's gone from being devout to being a nutter.

Keep your child away from this man. Your ds doesn't want to spend time with him anyway.

I don't think OP means her ex had the apparition. It was some saint years ago. So I don't think he is the one hallucinating.

You can't stop your ex from practicing religion in a specific and strict way, but he shouldn't be forcing it upon your child.

Especially not by trying to pull him from school, every Friday? That's ridiculous and no religion encourages that I'm sure. Otherwise Catholic schools would all be shut on Fridays which would be illegal if they're state funded.

Tell him it's fair enough to teach him about his faith, but that faith is a choice and other belief systems are available.

He should be taught there are lots of religions and ideas of spirituality and none are right or wrong, but nobody should force you to practice any one faith or shun you for not doing so.

Don't. Anyone who lives his life according to the instructions of an apparition cannot be a responsible parent. He certainly doesn't have his child's best interests at heart, does he !

Supposing the 'apparition' told him to do something awful to your son. What then?

Your son is presumably at a normal school and knows that this is not normal or rational behaviour. I'd be encouraging only supervised contact, and asking your ex to get some mental health support.

I would also consult a solicitor over how you could protect your child's education.

He doesn't sound well OP.

It sounds like he's having auditory and visual hallucinations (the apparition) and he's trying to interfere with your son's schooling because of that.

I would be consulting a lawyer ASAP. Trying to mess with his schooling and not letting him eat because of prolonged prayer is directly harmful to your son.

Why is your son refusing visits? I sure wouldn't do anything to facilitate them when it sounds like his dad's having serious mental health problems.

I don’t know why people assume mental breakdown when it’s anything else but if he was Islamic everyone just accepts they take time out of their day and kids’ days to pray and observe their religious holidays etc. but that’s another matter I guess.

op, you know him, is it religion, mental health or both. Religion can be very detrimental to kids even if well intentioned.