If you have young adults living at home, what does their rent cover?

@Stolenyouth

Spain is hugely family oriented, and it would be absolutely unthinkable to charge DC rent at any age. DC to tend to live at home longer than here.

No system is perfect. However, I think it's no coincidence that young people in Spain are much happier (despite lower incomes generally) while ours are the most miserable in Europe. 🧐

Work hard at school and go to uni in order to get a graduate job that pays barely more than NMW. No prospect whatsoever of ever buying a home of your own. And btw you can pay your parents £10k a year to stay in your own home (that they probably bought for £50k.)

I have just shown DH the post that mentions charging £700 a month. He says Spanish grandparents would be on the warpath with their kids if they found out their DGC were being made to pay that.

Out 2 DDs live here rent free but they are saving like mad to get on the property ladder so we don't mind at all but we are lucky we can afford it. If we couldn't then l think £200 each is not enough tbj

@HappilyDivorced89

well you hope for that but it may not be the case given the way bills etc are rising - you might need to take something from her just to live and maintain the house. A lot of people don’t have any choice as to whether or not to get their adult sons and daughters to contribute to the running of the house - they need the money.

22 year old currently pays us £90 per month, feeds/cooks/supplies himself. The £90 is the difference we think is the cost to of us of housing him, eg elec, water utilities (WFH two days pw). I do all his laundry ( I don’t work, seems sensible I throw it in with ours - he is very able to do his own as he did at uni). Buys his own toiletries/phone contract/car etc.

When dsd lived with us i provided an evening meal if she was home and fed her boyfriend if he was here, she bought her breakfast and lunch items but had use of milk and spread (bought her own horrible white bread as my 3x price seeded wholemeal was not to her taste!) we didn’t charge rent. My dds were students so no rent and left after university, only one out of 3 seems to own a wallet when we go out, my youngest dd I’m too soft I suspect but they each went through their parents marriage breakdown as older teens and then dsd’s mum decided she was moving where there was no space, thankfully we had bought a big enough house (just)

When my DD started working part time, she started to pay for her own toiletries, phone and clothes, she also got PIP. Then she got a full time job and I treated it like a houseshare. Things that I'd need if she wasn't there, like a TV licence, cleaning stuff, getting the windows cleaned/garden done, water bill etc. I'd fully cover the costs of. This helped her to understand needing to budget heating etc. More importantly we respected each other as adults, it was a joint home. I wasn't petty, I bought the odd takeaway/bottle of wine.

At what point does a child stop being a child?

We are talking about a 30 year old man here who - let's just say my friends were quite concerned when I let him move back in and there have been times I've had to leave the house and stay out for a while. I have 3 rooms apart from kitchen /bathrooms and I think £100 a month to lose 1/3rd of my house is very reasonable!

I was also a single parent who now has only a few years to go to retirement, have never earned well for various reasons and was about to get a lodger into that room to help save towards retirement. I have a mortgage and I also pay rent (shared ownership). A lodger would pay £600. My financial shortfalls are not his responsibility but he is saving a fortune by living here.

When he rented privately rent was £900 a month with all bills on top.

£100 a month is 30% of the rent I pay. An amount that was enough for me to not resent my life being turned upside down again.

Tell me again how I am being unreasonable?

I don’t charge my ds rent as if I did I think UC would class it as income

I don’t charge but he gets his own food and lives as an ember of the house helping out appropriately. I would if he didn’t know how to save but he is way better than me.

It's not rent it's paying towards cost of living at home. If mine didn't live it at home my cost would be more than halved.

We charged ours £700 a month. We looked at local rent a room - rent a local room without bills is £700 he got his bills, internet and food included we thought that was a good deal for him! He’s moved out now and complaining as it’s twice as much in his studio flat!

How will they learn? Less than £10 a day or nothing ? Whilst working full time?

It’s semantics. ‘Rent’ usually isn’t rent. In my case it’s easier to say “DD, don’t forget to send me your rent when you get paid on Tuesday” than it is to say “DD, don’t forget to send me the money for your tiny contribution toward the food shopping; the money for your mobile phone contract and the health items I have on a regular subscription from Amazon for you each month”.

Her ‘rent’ doesn’t actually cover any rent, or household bills, or even half her food.

Why do they pay "rent" in their own home? I'd love to know when their title and role formally changed from your child and a part of the family to your tennant.

I've never charged my children for staying in their own home. It's insulting, degrading and extremely selfish.

I don’t charge mine rent. My mum never charged me me either and I’m great at budgeting. It would be different if we needed the money.

I’ve said in all my posts that it’s perfectly reasonable for costs to be charged for. So it’s not a misunderstanding, it’s that you didn’t actually read what I wrote or perhaps read those parts of my post that suited your preconceived idea of what I was saying.

I found it depended on the individual. DS1 lived here till he was 30, by which time he was on very good wages, worked from home using up electricity all day and ate like a horse! He paid £350 pm once he had a decent job, which rose to £ 400 . He’d also pay for odd bits of shopping and the occasional takeaway, and any expensive toiletries. Ordinary things like toothpaste and cheap shower went in with the usual supermarket shop.
I reckon we just about broke even on that.

DS3 is 24 and lives here for free. He has no income ( don’t ask, we’re working on it). He does help with whatever I ask him to, like gardening, hoovering etc but does very little on his own initiative.
DC2 is returning home temporarily, and I will charge increased fuel and water bills, and a share of weekly shop. Probably £250, so they can save a bit.

I lived with my parents after a divorce from age 26 - 33. I changed jobs and post savings so had to start again. My parents let me pay £300 a month including all utilities and some shopping. I also did a shop twice a month for the household and I also used to drive them to the airport, or take them to apts etc etc.
In the end when I remarried and moved out my Dad and Mum said they saved it all up and have put it asideina. Separate account for me later on. Broke my heart that they never used that money.
So after I found this out every time I visited I would put £10/20 in their purse / wallet etc. They never accept money from me now. So thats how I do it.

Well then we've misunderstood each other. I've used the word 'rent' to mean what they pay each month. It covers their food and not much else. We wouldn't be able to provide the food that we do without their payment. The food bill for DH and I would be considerably less than for the 5 adults and we don't have enough money to fund this. ( They ate considerably less as children - again - obviously)
I did used feel as you do but sadly our income does not match our ideals.

Goes both ways. My elderly mum comes and stays with me for up to a month at a time and I dont ask her for money, perish the thought.
But I dont allow partners so both my DC want to move out to a flatshare. Neither want to be with me forever.

Does the Spanish approach apply to every age and income level of child? Are there 35 year old with good jobs living entirely off their pensioner parents? Sounds terrible.

I wouldn't include food for the family of four - let them organise their own meals.

Do what you have to do. My eldest pays me £600, my youngest has just started work asked her for £500. My eldest will now go down to £500, she has loads of money saved. My youngest is not good with money, I will put half of hers into a savings account for her.

It’s not obvious no. A contribution towards costs (bills/ food) as I’ve said is completely reasonable. But surely, needing ‘what they pay in rent to make ends meet’, can only work if without them there you would be renting out that room. Otherwise you’d still be paying these costs if they weren’t there. If they are taking away what would otherwise be a source of income, then yes charge them rent.

My DD and her fiancé live with us full time, they pay £250 a month each including groceries, cleaning products, basic toiletries that I buy with the groceries. Any treats they have to buy themselves, they pay their own phone bills etc. If they are not employed they don't pay. If DSS comes home it would be the same deal, I think it's reasonable.