If you have young adults living at home, what does their rent cover?

Not sure anyone has argued against a grown up child not contributing to cost of living (bills, food, etc.) in a long term situation, if they can afford to. What you are asking your child for seems very reasonable in your situation.

But being charged rent to live in the property is different. i.e. ‘a tenant's regular payment to a landlord for the use of property or land’. That doesn’t include food or utility costs. So in essence a charge on the child that is giving a parent profit (as any mortgage payment or rent the parent is paying would be there whether or not the child was there).

Of course, bar the odd lazy sod, surely the majority of those having to move home are doing so because they have been forced to. Presumably their circumstances aren’t great. Divorce, split, lost a house, lost a job, relocating and need somewhere temporary, etc. And so surely a parent’s instinct is to help them get back on their feet and find independence again. One great way of doing that is deciding that they should not have to contribute beyond the absolute minimum. If that costs the parent, then that may well be the choice they make to help their child. Charging them rent in that situation seems vastly unfair.

There are also some on here and on previous MN threads that seem to think that once their children reach 18 they must start financially contributing to the household. Now, I don’t know enough about the benefits system to comment on that and it may well be that external rules force a family to have their child start contributing at a certain age. But otherwise, it seems a particularly cruel ‘lesson in financial awareness’ to start charging a child for living in their own house just because they have turned a certain age.

Mine also pay £200 a month for that they have food,basic toiletries, shelter, warmth, TV subscriptions and an in house cleaner, gardener, and washer woman.

Ds1 is 25 & moved back home 3yrs ago after uni. We charge him £300/month & this includes food, toiletries, cleaning supplies, electricity….. Do we call it rent, yes probably, but realistically that’s just a general term these days & it covers the extra it costs us for him to live here. We know that he is still able to save plenty of money each month if he chooses to.

Why the aggression? I’m not “moralising”, I’m answering the question posed. 😂

I think you missed the part where I said I’d saved the money. It was in an account earning interest.

Would you genuinely support your adult child by buying them a car, paying their university fees, taking them on expensive holidays, but then say “No, my precious boy. You keep 100% of your wages and spend it on whatever you like.”?

You’d probably be appalled to hear that he regularly offers to pay for family takeaways too. Poor lad is so hard done by!

I worked out recently that if dd paid 50% of all the bills and food it would be approx £650 a month, she’s only 19 and I’m asking for £100 a month and she needs to buy some of her own food.

I think £200 a month is pretty cheap, are they all good at cleaning up after themselves? I can’t even imagine how much food you’ll need to buy to keep that many people fed!

Maybe you are right, only basing this on my experience of growing in a mixed social area where my brothers and a lot of my peers paid rent (abit this was the 80s!).

@betsy99

Total opposite in my experience. It's the mc parents who seem to think DC will never learn how to budget unless they pay 'rent' in their own home that are the problem.

Quite how they think the rest of the world manages their own finances without doing it is anyone's guess.

@Cherrytree86

Point A in my post was that parents who desperately need money from their DC don't have a choice.

However, I find it extraordinary that parents declare that their home is 'theirs' as if their DC are hotel guests.

My DC will be welcome in their home whenever they want to or need to be here.

No wonder our DC have the lowest life satisfaction in Europe when there are parents wanting to kick them out asap

I currently have two dcs and one of their partner's (all in their 20s) at home long term as both are saving for house deposits. Currently charge each 300pcm, that includes their share of utliities/groceries/council tax and a small contribution to the mortgage. I am a single income so cant afford to be subsidising three adults!
I would probably be downsizing if they were not still living here which is why I charge them 'rent'. I dont think I am the big bad wolf as they are on good FT incomes themsleves and are saving huge money by not paying private rent.

Its quite a middle class concept that you dont charge your adult children rent/board, and if you do it goes towards their house deposits. In reality, many people are not in a financial position to let their kids bludge off you, especially in this day and age when DCs are living at home for years.

@PinotPony

You're not charging any 'rent', so I don't know what you're moralising about. You're providing a compulsory interest savings account.

£5000 a year could earn a decent amount of interest or return on investment, but far better that 20 year olds can "pay their own way"

@BeachLife2

a) it’s not their home really, it’s their parents home
b) if they are earning money why shouldn’t they make a contribution to the running of the home in which they live? They would have to do this if they were living in a flat share or whatever. It’s just part and parcel of adulthood!
c) not all parents can afford to support their adult offspring indefinitely especially given the cost of living is so high

@Hall84 👏

DS(20) pays £400 a month rent. He works PT at Sainsbury’s and usually brings home about £1,000. He pays his own mobile, gym membership , fuel and Spotify, and has enough money to fund his social life and expensive purchases like an Apple Watch or designer trainers.

Last year, I saved it all up and gave it back to him as a lump sum for his gap year to Australia.

This year, I’m saving it up to fund him starting university in September. He’ll need a new laptop and all the kit that’s needed to live in halls. His dad and I will be contributing financially to his rent and living expenses while he’s studying but he wants to work too.

I think he has a good work ethic and understands that you have to pay your own way in the world.

Please don't feel sad for me. I'm 40 and working full time. My parents are being incredibly generous to have me & DD in their home whilst I separate from her Dad. I don't want them out of pocket when they do so much for us. I would be paying far more to rent privately whilst our house is sold.

What age does that responsibility stop? Could they theoretically stay at home indefinitely while being bankrolled by their own parents who are probably working themselves into an early grave so that their feckless adult children can spend 100% of their own wages on fun stuff?

@Cherrytree86

Personally I find it worse than sad that DC are charged rent (£700 a month in some cases) to live in their own home, but each to their own.

When I lived at home I paid £250 as my mum was a single parent and so I helped keep the household ticking over. That covered rent and bills and quite a bit of food. If I wanted any extras I’d buy them myself (or certain meals the rest of the family weren’t having) and bought all my own toiletries and other bits.

But it is a reciprocal culture. And many elderly parents will end up living with and being looked after by their children.

I think the conversation left the OP’s specific case a while back and is now in the land of generalness!

Howe, if we’re looking at the OP’s case I might think this:

I’m taking food out of things and have addressed that aspect below.

• DS, 21, and his GF: How long is this arrangement for, and how can I help you both find independence? Because, really, no one wants this to be a forever thing. What’s the plan and how can I help? If the way to get them somewhere were to limit costs completely to let them save for a while then I’d ask first nothing. If longer term then I might find a way that they can contribute something while also being able to put most of what they have into a deposit to rent/ buy, as I think the OP has done.

• DS, 30, and family. I wouldn’t ask for a contribution as they are essentially long term guests. BUT I would hope that they might offer to contribute to costs. Which it sounds like they have.

In both these cases I would look at food in this way: Its one hell of a lot of people in the house. Realistically why don’t we all get our own food and do our own cooking. And it might be nice to all sit down together once in a while and have a shared meal. Perhaps for that we can take turns or all contribute?

• DD, 18 moving back from living with DD 30. I wouldn’t charge anything she’s an 18 year old child who has been away for a bit (gap year) and it would be rather mean to say, ‘so pleased your back what are you going to pay to keep living in your home?’ Though I don’t think the PO is saying she’d have to pay.

• DD 14 doesn’t come into it (you’d assume).

From what I can tell from the OP’s post, she’s doing pretty much this except for the food thing.

i have an adult child that lives with me, they pay about £250 a month towards their keep. That’s for food and a share of bills and costs that are higher as a result of living with me.
To everyone who is so incredulous about the very idea of charging your children rent - I do not earn enough money to support another adult. They earn money and so logically they give me the cost of living in my house. If you are lucky enough to not need to charge yours, good for you!

@BeachLife2

How sad parents don’t ever have a chance to treat themselves and spend their money on themselves!

@Notreallyme27

Nope- most parts of Spain are less wealthy than the UK (with the exception of Madrid, Barcelona and Santander).

There is however much less of a keeping up with the jones culture. People would rather spend money on their family and friends. Parents feel a responsibility to look after the DC rather than turning it into a transaction at 18.

£300 each from my 23/20 year olds. Covers a portion of the council tax, broadband, gas, elec, water, some money towards food and basic toiletries (ie basic shampoo/conditioner/shower gel - anything fancy they buy themselves). Also covers a bit towards the HA rent (shared ownership) plus it includes laundry stuff etc. I don’t save it though. Because I need it to keep a 4 bed house afloat on a single income.

I get that but why would it be acceptable for fully grown adults who have their own income to not make any financial contribution to their families? And would tge elderlies expect their wider family to support them while not making any financial contribution if they have their own income? The OP isn’t saying she won’t support her dc-she’s asking what their contribution covers.