If you have young adults living at home, what does their rent cover?

My children all came home for various reasons. My home is their home so I just accepted any help with food utility bills. They were all very generous with their contributions.

My sister has older children, 1 older teen DC, pays a contribution of between £40-£50 a week depending on earnings, which she says includes everything, including food, bills, mobile contract, takeaways etc.
She also has an older dc, who has developed a disability. They only get PIP and they don’t pay anything.
She also has younger children who she still has to suppprt. She is a single parent on NMW,
I don’t think this is unreasonable at all, my nephew has saved thousands since living at home, working and paying this contribution towards food and living expenses.

When I lived at home and worked, my parents took half of my pay. I am not sure if that as fair or not. When I went to uni, they took half my student loan amount. Over 25 years later, and I still owe it.

As a mature student on a healthcare uni course that had placements, I stayed with my parents and they took half my bursary. I was actually out of pocket every month just to park my car.

They never needed the money. It was the principle.

(Cooks tasty food for us, too. Saving for house deposit, doing incredibly well with that.)

Our youngest, 22, pays £100 pcm for utilities and buys his food.

How big is your house?😁

@BlueyNeedsToFuckOff But how do you make them save if they won’t? I see lots of people saying this but do you demand to see a bank statement every month and kick them out if they’re not saving? I’m genuinely at a loss as to how I can force my DD to save. She just won’t. (I do agree about the infantilisation though. I wouldn’t save for her because she refuses to save for herself).

I really don’t understand taking “rent” money from DC but then saving it for them - that’s just infantilising them.

Adult working DC should definitely be paying their own way in terms of costs to have them there (and what that is will differ between families), but it would be better to put a condition that they save a certain amount rather than mummy and daddy doing it for them.

My adult dc pay 400 per month each, it's not rent, it's a contribution to the bills and includes food. I wouldn't have partners though, that's a step too far for me.

That's a good idea.

When my adult DS lived at home before moving into his own home he paid £300 pcm. This included a very large room with double bed, desk 2 seater sofa, TV , coffee table area. Exclusive use of his shower room next door. Ridiculously fast internet speed for his gaming, DH and I have a much slower speed now for us. Sky TV including Sky Movies, Sky Sport and TNT, Amazon Prime for TV and free parcel delivery, Disney +, Netflix, his mobile phone contract as was as much as he can use internet and included with internet package and DH and I only use a small amount so more sense letting him have it, all food, washing powder etc. and some toiletries. If he wanted specific toiletries he got his own but if he used Dove for men or a 2 in 1 shampoo like DH he could take bottles of that to use himself too. Help himself to beer, cider or wine from fridge and other general alcohol and mixers in house so Captain Morgan rum, vodka etc. and all electric, gas and water. All we asked was that he cooked for family once a week, unloaded shopping and put away, emptied main kitchen bin into black bin outside every other day and did his own laundry but not Saturday morning as that's when I do our bedding and to look after cats and dogs when we go on holiday and in return we looked after his 2 cats for him. We still do the reciprocal pet sitting. It worked for all of us. DS felt he got a good deal and could save a lot towards his deposit. We felt DS understood the cost of bills and food and never moaned about doing his share of chores. Sometimes he'd load or unload dishwasher too if he was waiting for coffee machine. Once he moved out we noticed our electricity use almost halfed, our water bill was much reduced, gas more or less the same, we moved to a slower internet package and cancelled Disney +. He still comes over for dinner most Wednesdays as lasagne night and he invited me over for a meal with him about once a fortnight. He goes out with DH about once every 4-6 weeks for a curry or cinema. I go out for a breakfast with him about once every 2-3 weeks. I love the fact he only lives a couple of miles away from us and we see him often.

🙄🙄🙄beachLife2

@BeachLife2

what if continuing to have your adult offspring live with you meant you couldn’t afford meals out because your bills were higher? Should you just suck it up and have no social life?

@BeachLife2

this!

why would it be unacceptably for the parents to enjoy some treats? Or are things like holidays, meals out and Netflix only for offspring and you have to deny and martyr yourself of such things once you become a parent for ever more? Even if your offspring earns 60grand a year and you earn 20 grand a year?

But it’s acceptable for adults on a salary to have meals out on the back of using their parents’ generosity so they don’t have to pay any bills or Netflix subscription?

@Cherrytree86

It is totally unacceptable in my view for parents to be using their DC's money to pay for meals out with partners.

It's one thing for a genuinely hard up single parent struggling to pay bills to get help from their working DC, but totally inappropriate to be using DC as a profit mechanism.

DS is 21 and pays £260 a month for a double room, food, bills and most of his washing done (as I work from home so it’s easier for me to do his washing).
He puts the washing on occasionally.

He treats me to an occasional takeaway, regularly washes up, cuts the grass and puts the bins out etc so it works well for us.

And all those people saying to save up any contributions they make to the running of the home to give back to them when these people are earning about 40 or 50 grand per year… why?! Use that money for bills now, or use it for treats like meals out with husband etc. it’s still possibly to save on that wage and make a contribution to the household.

I mean you hear of adults who live with their parents who earn far more than their parents but they aren’t contributing a penny to bills etc - how on earth can that be right?

My son is 20 and pays £200 board. He occasionally buys other food if he wants it but otherwise it's all in including his phone,.waiting for him to upgrade so he can take that one on himself.
He works full time and is saving. I'm not teaching him any life lessons just needing a contribution. Life is expensive and we need it.
Our youngest is finishing school and not going to uni. While he is just continuing with his part time job we won't charge him but once he is working full time we will expect the same.

There’s a lot of wealthy people on mumsnet. Adult children earning 35k or 45k n not being charged rent is also ridiculous. I assume that adult children pay rent where it’s a necessity that all adults in the house contribute. That’s the situation in my case as their father stopped supporting them when they were 16 n has made it difficult for us financially. I put the money by for him though n save it n won’t use it unless it’s absolutely needed.

@MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble But both have those that seem to think that charging their children is a good life lesson. Both seem slightly moralistic and puritanical.

In our case, we have a DD who seemed to be stuck in teenage mode. We didn’t take any money from her when she was studying though she worked part time. All her money was her own and she’d blow it straight away. Once she got her first proper job this behaviour continued. We had countless discussions about savings and pensions but she would still spend all her wages on nights out, concerts, clothes, beauty treatments etc and then has no money for two weeks until payday.

So I began to charge her a token amount which covers what we spend on things for her. I don’t profit and none of it goes even towards a share of the bills. I just wanted to make her step back and realise that she isn’t a child anymore and she is responsible for herself. She can’t keep living like a rock star/influencer/member of the royal family and expect us to subsidise it.

We’re not saving it for a deposit for a house because we’ve already got that ring fenced in a LISA for her, as we did for her siblings who are all extremely financially responsible. God knows where we went wrong with DD! If that makes me moralistic and puritanical then so be it.

Well that's your opinion. I don't feel that my DC take advantage of me and DH at all. We bloody love having them here, they bring their vibrancy and joy with them.
I couldn't ever conceive of charging my kids rent if I could afford not to.
DD1 lives at her boyfriend's parent's place and they do not charge rent either.

Where I live that's double private renting a 1 bed pokey flat. My dds are better off living at home paying for keep and saving up to get their own places.

Reading this thread I think it’s a mixture. But both have those that seem to think that charging their children is a good life lesson. Both seem slightly moralistic and puritanical.

There are the more middle class (one assumes) parents who want their children to learn about finances and so have them pay a rent that often turns out to actually be a secret savings fund for them down the line.

And there are those more working class families (again an assumption) that seem to think that once you’ve reached a certain age you’re now an adult and have to pull up your boot straps and head off to work to start contributing to the household.

This is only a comment regarding those that think it’s some sort of good life lesson that kids should learn at home in order to face the world rather than, say, discovering it my actually going out there and getting on with life. There are of course those that choose to support their children and not charge them and those that choose to support their children but cannot afford not to charge them.

I don’t get why as an earning adult you wouldn’t contribute to family finances for the house you live in. ‘Rent’ is a shorthand but unless it’s some wild pots of money situation, that’s just how families are isn’t it? I think people who say it’s an English thing are getting hung up on the ‘rent’ label as culturally where I’m from you might not call it rent but if you were living at home and working you’d 100% be paying for some mutually beneficial stuff - whether it’s food or a new kitchen or some bills or something, in a kind of ‘it all comes out in the wash’ way.