To think about evening things out between the kids

Could you reduce what you pay into the eldest's account and add more to the younger? That way you haven't stopped topping up the eldest's.

Just want to add, it’s a tough one and I understand you are working out what’s best for both of them. I’d focus on making sure they won’t ever feel that you have treated them unequally.

I would speak to the elder one about it. Does he know about the pay out? Explain that he’ll have this money but obviously his brother was affected by the upheaval too, and you think it’s reasonable to even them up a bit, I’m sure he’ll understand. Start saving for no2 and have the conversation again in a few years.

Yes to PTSD or arthritis years later linked to the injury.

My dh who ‘completely’ healed from his childhood injury gets flares linked to it now he is in his late 60’s.

If you even it out it will probably be seen by the elder boy as either a) my parents took half of my compensation or b) my parents loved my brother more as they saved up and gave him £££ and didn’t give me anything.

It’s his money for a horrible situation he went through. My friend’s little sister got a medical payout for negligence and she was only pleased for her as she knew what her sister had endured as a result of the accident. Hopefully your younger boy will grow up to understand the same, your job isn’t to even things out it’s to raise him to have enough empathy to understand what happened. If you can support both boys by saving too, so much the better.

It's hard to say without knowing the amount. I would agree with saving some money in an account of your own and reassessing when they are 18/20.

Fwiw my ex was knocked over by a car when he was a child, he was totally fine when I knew him and it really hadn't affected him, he used his payout for uni.

I would definitely take some steps to even it out though, starting off adulthood on uneven footing will make a big difference to their lives.

Will you be evening out the nasty accident, too?

I think I would be prepared to give the younger one a hand with a deposit or whatever if they need it, but wait and see what happens.

Evening it out will be seen by the child who had an accident as having to share his compensation. That’s the practical result of “evening it out”. He may be resentful because he suffered.
You can’t even out the fact one had a bad injury and the other didn’t. You shouldn’t try to do that about the compensation either.

I would even it out.

Yes, later in life one may win the lottery (although he’d probably share some with his brother, no?), or have a better paid career etc, but you’re not trying to even them out for the rest of their lives or manage that, you’re just trying to give them an equal playing field when they begin their adult life. Nothing wrong with that.

God no. Life isn’t fair, youngest luckily didn’t have a traumatic accident that required a lengthy hospital stay and missing of school so he doesnt get an insurance pay out.

are you sure eldest is completely recovered with no lasting effects? Obviously you don’t have to say what it was but it’s sounds quite serious. No chance he could experience chronic pain as an adult or it could lead to further injuries? What about the psychological effect of the accident and hospital stay, could he develop anxiety or ptsd? Or the impact of missing education?

I think the best option for you, as the parent of both children, is to leave the insurance payment to one side and raise your children equally, treat them both the same. Including channeling your own money into their savings equally. That way, if there is ever any resentment over financial circumstances, it will not be directed towards your parenting.

Who knows what the future holds, all sorts of things can happen between now and him getting access to the funds. Your elder son may grow up to have after-effects that you cannot foresee now, perhaps for example, if he was in a car accident he may develop PTSD when he starts driving lessons himself and might need that money for support then. He may also grow up to generously decide to split the money with his brother, wouldn’t that be better - that it’s his own choice?

I agree with others that you can’t be absolutely sure that he is not affected down the line (I hope not but he has the insurance payout for a reason) However I think as a family you should have benefited from the money as well e.g to have an amazing family holiday as it was very difficult time for all of you.

For me it would depend on the amount of compensation/lump sum your eldest will receive .

i certainly would try and build up a good savings that I could give towards youger child’s possible uni fees or first home deposit.

I think it depends on the nature of the injury - if it is likely he will need money to pay for things related to it later, then it should be ring fenced.
However, assuming they are both reasonably young, and when he turns 18 it will all be but a distant memory, you should just split it in half. Your youngest did suffer - albeit not physically, but you weren't around, he was handed off to other family members (rightly so, but still not fun) and there was lots he couldn't do due to your child's injury.
It isn't the same but my sister was a baby/toddler model, and all the money that was earned was split equally between us, as I used to be left with a babysitter etc whilst my mum took her etc.

I think it depends on the injury - I received compensation for an accident as a child, my parents didn't compensate my sibling. I recovered at the time but as an adult it has caused me no end of problems. My Sibling has a great job and earns well, I don't. Ignore the money your child has received, that has been given for a reason - it is theirs, carry on giving equally as you would have done if the accident hadn't happened, no need to feel guilty.

They certainly will have the money.

My point is that try to equalise things will result in equality.

If the child who has the compensation needs to spend the money on any sort of recovery then they won't have the equal amount to spend on what they choose which is what the other child is free to do.

I'm not arguing that the OP should or shouldn't do but I think it's a valid point

Save the money mostly in your name and reassess when they are older.

It doesn't sit right with me tbh.

He got compensation for an accident fir which he experienced significant discomfort and recovery time, probably through someone's negligence. You didn't give it to him.

I appreciate it might be rubbish for the other child but they didn't go through that.

It feels a bit like one child "earned" money through pain and suffering and the other just got given it, which undermines the external compensation imo.

I think meddling risks damaging their relationship as adults tbh.

But he won’t have anything else because all his parents money will have been funnelled to his brother to make things even, even if in later life he has to spend that compensation on physio and counselling. He has the benefit of the compensation but he wouldn’t necessarily be able to benefit from it in the same way that his brother could benefit from family savings.

I think the only workable way of evening things up is to save all the money into a pot which you can reassess when both boys are adults and there is a clearer picture.

I mean it depends.
Is it £10,000 or £10,000,000? Is it a large amount of money because he can never lead a normal life, work etc? I'm guessing not as he's 'fully recovered'.

I'd probably make it up if you're not talking huge money. Why wouldn't you if you can, and it's not money that is being spent on care etc, ie not essential.

Also genuinely interested in what kind of insurance pays out to a child who fully recovers (so no long term impact on wellbeing or earning potential and not needing long term care etc) who presumably didn't financially lose because of whatever accident it was. This would probably have an impact on my response to your op too. And before you say 'none of your business private medical info' - you posted on here and context matters.

The son who had the accident still has the compensation money though. You are arguing as if OP is proposing to take his compensation from him but she is not proposing that. He will still have all his compensation.

So the insurance payment is compensation for your child. What if in later years your child suffers something like PTSD or other mental health issues relating to the incident.

If this were the case then the money could go some way to helping them.
Completely understand what you are thinking but you are assuming there will never be any further consequences of the accident

I would even it out, give them both a great start in life. You can explain to both boys that some of the money came from compensation but that you as parents have worked hard so they can both go to university debt-free.

I think I'd be inclined to have a just in case fund. Then when both are adults you can either spend it 50/50 or split however. It might mean that thier individual funds both get a little less each.

The reason I say this is my youngest went through a traumatic event (no compensation pay out), but years later my eldest has just had a bit of a crisis during his A levels which was, in part, due to what had happened to his sibling. I've just had to spend a lot of money on counselling for him.

*sum!