DH not backing me over FIL argument(s)

I think that you have to challenge each comment. The last one is totally unacceptable in front of children. The second comment is ridiculous. Perhaps do a bit of research on each female presenter to hit him back with. Unfortunately the first comment is partly true, but if comments like that are plucked out of nowhere, it's slightly unhinged. Not uncommon among older men, me and my DP/peer group are all 57+ and there's a few we have to avoid in the pub. There's a few men around 62 who admit that they've turned into grumpy old bastards and they have to keep themselves in check. A lot of men, of that age want/expect the same opinionated privilege that they saw the men around them get, when growing up, but things change and they do to.

Problem solved. Stop inviting him.

What an awful bigot. Personally I would not want him in my home.

I think you don't realise that your kids will live in a world with a lot of differing opinions around them - and you won't be able to control them all.

I think you don't realise how important it is to reinforce to your children what your values and opinions are as a family. your children are teens. Mine are a lot older. If you want your children to embrace your values, you have to tell them what your values are and what you will and will not tolerate. you don't need to just walk the walk - quite often the walk doesn't take you past the issues that will confront them as they get older - you need to talk the talk too.

Children need to hear you say "well we think that women are just as capable as men" or "we think that we should have some human sympathy for anyone who feels the need to get in a boat and leave their country" (unless you don't of course) or "we think it is disgusting to accuse someone of exchanging sex for a job with no evidence" (although in that last one I'd probably just say shut up grandad that is inappropriate in front of children or indeed anyone and you are embarrassing yourself).

I remember years ago we had a leadership conference at work - 20 of our best mid-level leaders - and we asked people to introduce themselves and tell us the credos they lived by. There were a few who quoted a famous person but most of them said "well my dad/mom always told me ...." Words do matter.

One of the women presenters on MOTD is Kelly Cates. Kenny Dalglish’s daughter. I’m sure she’s sound on the offside rule. However it seems to be obligatory to have a woman presenter for men’s sports and that might be a bit irritating.

Say no to fascist grandfathers! Personally I wouldn't tolerate it. 😃

Agree - if DH won’t say anything, you say it. One warning that you won’t tolerate this. Let your children hear you say it. You don’t need a man to tell a visitor what you will accept in your own home.

What nonsense. It’s not ‘highly-strung’ to not want your children to have to listen to sexist, racist drivel from their grandfather on a regular basis. I mean, you sound as if you suffer from a high level of internalised misogyny yourself. Maybe from being around misogynists.

Ew.

Also how is thinking women cannot understand the offside rule “opinion”?!

I would block my children from seeing their grandparent.

Sorry I meant to quote a previous poster who was laughing at the Alf example too @OneFineDay13 😅

That made me chuckle too 😂

You are actually saying OP is highly strung because she , quite rightly, doesn't like the racist and misogynistic opinions of her FiL? That's unbelievable.

It's down to everyone to challenge views like the ones OP's Fil is expressing. And the fact her H doesn't want to would make me suspect he probably shares his fathers opinions.

Op I would be asking your H to visit his father in his own home because its not right that your children and yourself should have to listen to such objectionable language.

He’s not at all wrong about his first point. It’s not ‘racist’ to have an issue with illegal immigrants piling into boats and quite literally running into the country with zero checks or visas then being housed at our expense ffs! Of course it shouldn’t be said in front of children but taking issue with what he says, just because it involves foreign people (criminals! What they’re doing is criminal don’t forget) is madness and frankly, disingenuous.

The first comment is one of fact
The second is one of opinion
No problem with them.
The third is inexcusable! He said that in front of your kids?

OP - sure, your FIL sounds sexist. However, you sound very high strung.
How old are your kids? I am guessing, pretty young. I think you don't realise that your kids will live in a world with a lot of differing opinions around them - and you won't be able to control them all.

Your kids are young now - so I am sure they don't care. When they are older - it's actually good way to talk to them about people with different opinions - like grandpa. Your kids will learn more from this than if you keep them in some artificial bubble of controlled information and one way to see things.

Personally - I'd only mention things that bothered me. Or at least said - I disagree. BUT older people really won't change, and it's pointless applying your mindset and your way of looking at things onto them.

I am with your H on that. His father won't change, and I don't think it's fair you insist he does. If this is somehow a deal breaker to you - divorce now.
But it'd be a really strange thing to do, tbh.

FWIW - my kids grew up with two sets of grandparents - that are really conservative in a number of ways, and not PC in may other ways. They are teens now. Their GP's views did not affect their world view much - which is mostly formed by parents (early on), and then mostly influenced by friends at school and social media.

So - in your place - I'd try to relax and stop fighting with your FIL. Life is too short, and your arguments with H over it will only hurt your family.

He is being racist and misogynistic all in one! Maybe go out with DC if you can .DH needs to say it's not appropriate. He sounds like Alf Garnett! Not funny then or now.espcially the last comment. Older men need to learn to wind it in.Women newsreaders have been around about 50 years now .Time to get with it.

Challenge him yourself. The offside rule is easily explained.

You have a husband problem.

Tell him straight. FIL comments like these are not acceptable in this house or around my children so unless you are going to quit making them you aren't welcome here while I am. So your choice - you have a relationship with the family or you don't.

If DH won't say anything you do.

Oh well suggest your husband sees him in situ at his fathers house. Coming around to someone’s house and making comments like that is seriously small dick energy done to aggravate you

Maybe just talk to your kids about the fact that some people are bigoted, use it as an opportunity to actually discuss the issues and accept that he is who he is. The kids will need to get their heads around it one day. Little kids are generally very fair minded and will probably be quite disapproving, they might tell him off themselves.

Reckon he’s on a total wind up of you as well as this being what he actually thinks.

I’d leave this to your husband - I doubt your FIL is that interested in his grandkids, but likes an audience. You husband can do that, you and the kids can stick at home while GB News FIL can say what he likes

Alf 😂