Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends saying I overreacted to cut things off with my date

86 replies

AliceTiger · 11/06/2025 21:09

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

OP posts:
Noshadelamp · 12/06/2025 02:48

He said what he was thinking out loud and did you a favour.
Now you won't waste any more tine on him.

It's surprising and sad your friends don't see that.

Keep up your standards op!

2021x · 12/06/2025 02:22

In a generous reading yours and his senses of humour don't line up and there is nothing worse than that.

Good luck in finding someone who doesn't make your fanny slam shut.

forensicdetective · 12/06/2025 02:11

Jesus Christ, no. And I have terrible low standards!

outerspacepotato · 12/06/2025 01:58

He called you a slut on your 5th date. What an asshole.

Your friends have awfully low standards.

Lavenderandbrown · 12/06/2025 01:50

many say I’m sorry but don’t really mean they have any insight into anything they have said or done. They just want it over and think an apology will make it over. Honestly I can’t imagine being on a date and having a man compare me to Bonnie blue and speculate how much cock I have had and actually say it to me! Well done OP he has shown you who he is and you paid attention. It’s not a joke or banter it’s gross and offensive and it’s not erased by an apology. There’s a lot of unpleasantness lurking under his public persona. Stay away from him and shut the conversation down with your friends if they bring him up

Mothership4two · 12/06/2025 00:38

Trust your gut OP.

I think that 'joke' is disrespectful and grim. Sounds like something you'd hear at a drag show - not that I have ever been to one!

🚩

redrose115 · 12/06/2025 00:37

Good on you, OP. It’s not a polite way to speak to someone (which I personally have a problem with!). You would think he would want to impress and he did the opposite.

JHound · 12/06/2025 00:33

He is gross and your friend sounds like her standards are in Hades

InterestedDad37 · 12/06/2025 00:29

It's a crass 'joke', and you shoud go with your gut feeling. I've been 'single' for 6 years ... i.e. had a few short relationships in that time, but none have lasted. One was heartbreaking for me, the others I've ended. I am still looking for Ms Perfect, even though I'm in my 60s. I won't compromise :-)

dottiedodah · 12/06/2025 00:24

He sounds gross.the comments that are "off the cuff" are often good at showing someone true colours.even if you had slept with these guys that's your business. He sounds an immature judge twat

SeaSunSand24 · 12/06/2025 00:18

Firefly1987 · 12/06/2025 00:11

Some men have absolutely no idea what is acceptable conversation do they? Then they wonder why there's a male loneliness epidemic.

There’s only one way they’ll learn. Keep your bar high, OP.

Firefly1987 · 12/06/2025 00:11

Some men have absolutely no idea what is acceptable conversation do they? Then they wonder why there's a male loneliness epidemic.

SeaSunSand24 · 12/06/2025 00:10

Catsandcannedbeans · 12/06/2025 00:03

What a minger. I’ve thrown drinks over men for less in my younger days lol.

Is it the worst thing in the world? No. Still gross tho. You’re right to not see him again. Plenty more fish in the sea, and you obviously can get dates so you’ll be fine.

Me too - full pints. I was a bit fierce in those days.

Dweetfidilove · 12/06/2025 00:08

I often see posters ask an OP - 'did you never notice he was a misogynist before now'... Sounds like your friends.

This is likely the kind of comment they push past, then end up with a dick who just gets less reserved with their comments over time.

You did the right thing.

SeaSunSand24 · 12/06/2025 00:03

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/06/2025 23:31

Then your friend can date him, can’t she?

With OP’s very best wishes!

Catsandcannedbeans · 12/06/2025 00:03

What a minger. I’ve thrown drinks over men for less in my younger days lol.

Is it the worst thing in the world? No. Still gross tho. You’re right to not see him again. Plenty more fish in the sea, and you obviously can get dates so you’ll be fine.

SeaSunSand24 · 12/06/2025 00:03

Cantbesure · 11/06/2025 22:06

If you look at burned haystack dating method this is the test and apologise rhetoric pattern. You did the right thing.

Yes. The “joke” was the test. The “apology” was a lie.

SeaSunSand24 · 12/06/2025 00:01

I would have walked out immediately. You were far more polite than I would have been. If your friends bring this up again, tell them I you have high standards and no regrets.

RadiovTV · 11/06/2025 23:54

I would have left the minute he said it. This was him on his best behavior. You're well rid

Yep. Spot on.

nomas · 11/06/2025 23:36

I’d have felt pole axed by that comment.

And this was him in the phase of trying to impress you. Imagine what he would have been like in a few months. <shudders>

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/06/2025 23:31

Then your friend can date him, can’t she?

PinkyBear · 11/06/2025 23:31

100% with you @AliceTiger
I’d have called a halt for that kind of comment too.
Onwards and upwards.

Dominicus · 11/06/2025 23:29

That’s a disgusting comment on so many levels. No wonder you were massively put off him. Definitely the right thing.

SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit · 11/06/2025 23:27

You needn't provide an excuse or explanation not to see a man again or continue a relationship, whatever the reason: not to him, not to your friends. If you want to stop seeing him, do.
You owe him precisely nothing.

If you did feel the need to explain you could say he's revolting and sexist with an adolescent sense of humour. That's more than enough.

TwistedWonder · 11/06/2025 23:25

He’s a crude vulgar immature misogynistic prick.
Id have got up and left the date soon as he said that but im old and have zero tolerance for wankers anymore

Id have told him I’m not interested in dating Jay from the Inbetweeners and left it there.

You haven’t over reacted. Unfortunately grim crude men are ten a penny