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Original poster

Friends saying I overreacted to cut things off with my date

86 replies

AliceTiger · 11/06/2025 21:09

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

OP posts:
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DontTouchRoach · 13/06/2025 16:51

He’s a misogynist and your friends are idiots.

It’s actually irrelevant whether you slept with your dates or not and you didn’t have to defend yourself to him. If he judges women on how many people they’ve slept with, he’s a twat. My response to his comment would have been “So what?”

JHound · 13/06/2025 11:22

FairKoala · 13/06/2025 06:38

Because it doesn’t exist

Show quote history

And?

spicemaiden · 13/06/2025 07:21

It would have give iver my head 20 years ago.

Not now though.

He’s vile.

miraxxx · 13/06/2025 06:40

It doesnt matter whether women are virgins or whores, there is a certain type of male who will find fault with both. Avoid them.

FairKoala · 13/06/2025 06:38

hjhjhjhjhj · 11/06/2025 21:15

What's wrong with wanting perfection, anyway? ;-)

Edited

Because it doesn’t exist

miraxxx · 13/06/2025 06:37

No, your friends are wrong and you were totally right OP. A comment like that would be an immediate red flag. I once went on a date where we were chatting and I mentioned that I actually was very selective and had much less sexual encounters than my confident extrovertish demeanour suggested. "Oh you're just ⁶a cocktease then!". Dropped.

GreyCarpet · 13/06/2025 06:34

I never understand why people try undermining their friends and family in situations like this.

No one is perfect and so we all have to compromise to a degree.

But you get to decide what you will and won't compromise on. If you can't be picky when it comes to the person you'll share your life and your body with, when can you?

winter8090 · 13/06/2025 06:27

Trust yourself.
This comment insulted you and made you uncomfortable. Your sense of humour seems to be on a different wavelength to his. It was the right decision.

ruffler45 · 13/06/2025 06:22

Sounds like he was a class (and immature) act with a comment like that.

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 13/06/2025 05:56

Lollypopbeach · 12/06/2025 13:30

So not only do I think it was massively disrespectful and a red flag in itself

I personally feel like you saw a snip it of his jealous, ugly side. Which is a major red flag. He clearly didn’t like the thought of you being on dates with other people so his jealous side came out with an attempt to put you down and make you feel bad.

Just well done really, you clearly have self respect and did the right thing

Agree with this.
He's jealous, threatened and taking you down a peg or two.
How kind of him to show you straight away who he is 🚩

FreddysFingers · 13/06/2025 05:01

You're definitely not being unreasonable. Looks as if his mask slipped and his coarse mouth started to take over. I would find that comment disrespectful, and if he's tried to minimise it by saying he was joking, that's a red flag to me.

I think that remark shows contempt and disrespect towards women, and you were right to give him the heave ho.

Your friends should want the best for you, you shouldn't have to put up for comments like this just because you're single, there is better out there.

Good luck xx

JHound · 12/06/2025 16:41

Mothership4two · 12/06/2025 00:38

Trust your gut OP.

I think that 'joke' is disrespectful and grim. Sounds like something you'd hear at a drag show - not that I have ever been to one!

🚩

Errr….

DiscoBob · 12/06/2025 16:37

Just the fact that 'Bonnie Blue' came into his mind while thinking about a new potential sexual partner is pretty repellent.
I can't imagine someone intellectual and emotionally sensitive and morally decent would say such things.

StarCourt · 12/06/2025 16:24

I’d have left there and then ( and have done in the past for similar reasons)

TorroFerney · 12/06/2025 16:12

redrose115 · 12/06/2025 00:37

Good on you, OP. It’s not a polite way to speak to someone (which I personally have a problem with!). You would think he would want to impress and he did the opposite.

Agree, this is him on his best behaviour and trying to impress one assumes . Grim is the word, and presumably very thick.

OhBling · 12/06/2025 15:45

You got the ick. that's perfectly okay. You're 5 dates in, not 10 years, a wedding and 3 babies.

for the record, I'd have got the ick too. And actually, I think the comment goes beyond being inappropriate. It's a test of sorts. It feels to me like what you were supposed to do was feel a bit flustered, perhaps assure him you're "not that type of woman" then be a bit off balance wondering if he's got the wrong impresion of you, and what can you do to fix it.

And you just haven't done any of those things

Crushed23 · 12/06/2025 15:39

TwistedWonder · 12/06/2025 15:33

So many men dress up crude comments and personal digs as ‘it’s only banter’ and accuse the women of having no sense of humour

No mate you’re an unfunny immature twat .

The thing is, it’s not even funny outside the context of dating. Like if a male friend talked about “getting cock” I’d think he was an immature twat too. So how men think it would be in any way appropriate/attractive on a date is beyond me.

MagentaRocks · 12/06/2025 15:38

It doesn’t matter what your friends think. Your boundaries are your own and you get to decide what is and isn’t acceptable for you. As for the ‘joke’, I didn’t find it funny, in fact it is immature and pathetic

Auroraofthedawn · 12/06/2025 15:38

Your friends need to raise their standards jfc

turkeyboots · 12/06/2025 15:35

You just aren't compatible, move on.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 12/06/2025 15:35

I am with you OP, that comment would totally put me off and I would not be going on another date with him. It wasn't a 'joke'.

TwistedWonder · 12/06/2025 15:33

So many men dress up crude comments and personal digs as ‘it’s only banter’ and accuse the women of having no sense of humour

No mate you’re an unfunny immature twat .

Lollypopbeach · 12/06/2025 13:30

So not only do I think it was massively disrespectful and a red flag in itself

I personally feel like you saw a snip it of his jealous, ugly side. Which is a major red flag. He clearly didn’t like the thought of you being on dates with other people so his jealous side came out with an attempt to put you down and make you feel bad.

Just well done really, you clearly have self respect and did the right thing

Crushed23 · 12/06/2025 13:25

AliceTiger · 11/06/2025 21:09

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

Haven’t RTFT, but I’m with you on not liking men who are ‘jokers’ especially if those jokes are crude and said at inappropriate times. It’s just not attractive to be talked about in that way. You were not wrong to call it off. I sometimes think it’s the smallest things that tell you most about someone in early dating, so it’s important to be alert to throwaway remarks and strange body language.

Jollyjollyjollygoodie · 12/06/2025 02:59

Good for you.