To think Mumsnet is more vitriolic than it used to be?

Well you cannot go through life harbouring hatred and resentment.

There are faults on both sides.

Problem here is that you accept male violence as a fact of life. Many men are violent dickheads indeed but that's what we need to relentlessly challenge as a society.
As an aside, women often can't win online: either they don't challenge the dickhead quickly enough and are doormats / abusing their children by sticking around or they (quote) 'shouldn't have pushed his buttons'.
This is just so depressing.

I haven't been on that long - a few years - but I find some posters to be crude and rude.

You can be direct and frank, you can disagree strongly, but you don't need to insult people.

My least favourite tropes are:

ignoring the OP's question and picking on some aspect of the post, either terminology or even grammar and going on about that instead. Or amateur psychology and mind-reading such as 'You don't seem to like her very much' or 'You sound snobbish'. Just answer the question and stop judging the person's character.

remarks such as 'unclench' or references to 'pearl-clutching'. This is thrown at anyone who has a different attitude to social norms (putting make-up on in public, eating smelly food in the cinema for eg).

The dreaded dumb response 'It's none of your business' or 'It doesn't affect you'., when it's often clear that it is, and it does. And even if that were the case - the whole point of an anonymous internet forum is to have a bit of a vent, or canvass opinions on something that's come up in your life. It's a discussion.

One good thing - I haven't seen so much of the twee terms 'cockwomble' or 'wankbadger' or similar recently. They seem to have died the death.

I agree. I posted recently about the changes to PIP and commented that the questions will be worded slightly differently to ensure the " most" physically disabled claimants receive 4 points
I was asked rudely how I knew this( did my own research) and then quite a number of posters demanding links which I find quite difficult
when I screenshot relevant information I was told that wasn't what they wanted
" Google it yourself then, like I did"

Three years ago I went through a life changing event - which is still ongoing now and traumatic. I had a thread about it as I was in genuine need of support ( think domestic violence ) but after a day or so it became obvious that my situation was a source of online excitement, drama - almost entertainment for many.

I would never look to Mumsnet for help again unfortunately and also because the Daily Mail now use it for soap opera storyline material. Plus there are many fake threads and accusatory, vitriolic comments abound no matter what the topic. Although I read a few threads and see some genuinely lovely posts to help women struggling, I don’t comment. The moment you do, someone will pipe up and provide the opposite goady opinion designed purely to attack. I’m not sure if the forum was always like this but its become, like social media, a dangerous gorgon.

There's definitely more of those dickhead posters that think they're clever or witty or they're up on their high horses.

Someone can start a thread saying "my baby daddy just punched me in the face, I don't know what to do", and you'll get dozens and dozens of posters saying "baby daddy, are you 15 years old?", "YABU for saying baby daddy", "I was with you until you said baby daddy", "baby daddy 🤮"... I mean come on dickheads, there's more pressing issues here isn't there?

Why? I was giving advice. It depends on what you consider a victim is. I sympathised with the OP, but I could not ignore the fact that she pushed his buttons, knowing what the result would be.

I would do the same again. I am well acquainted with the acts of men - well one. If I knew what started him off I would not deliberately incite that behaviour.

I would have thought fear would make sure you didn't go there. Bad enough when men display their anger without prompting. When I think of the women who have been battered and killed by their partners without provoking them, I have little sympathy for women who provoke men into action and wonder why they are verbally insulted.

It is like walking into danger and not being concerned. For instance, would you get in a car with a drunken driver and expect to go home in one piece? Would you cross a road when a car is coming?

How can someone incite someone else to do or say something bad then complain at the consequences?

Perhaps the modern game of playing one off against the other for the sheer joy of it is the most destructive.

Sometimes you can't do right for being wrong.

In one post an OP had explained what happened to her and her DH and she said what she had done and the result.

I had the temerity to tell her she shouldn't have pressed his buttons, knowing how he would react.

I was shouted down as 'victim bashing' a new one on me, and several even had my posts removed when I tried to stick up for myself.

Disabled people get a lot of stick.

To be honest, right now I'd love to unplug the entire internet and throw it into an ice bath to cool it down for a bit.

Agree you can look up old threads from ten to twenty years ago and the tone is completely different, so much friendlier!

It seems like most days when an op posts a problem on here they get torn apart and every word over analyzed to find some mistake.

And my god some of the snobbishness anyone that dares reproduce without being a top lawyer married to a top neurosurgeon with a mortgage already paid off is irresponsible and setting their children up to a life of poverty

I have just seen a perfect example of unnecessary meanness on Facebook. A lady in a wheelchair shared a lovely pic with a minor celeb on a cruise, the very first comment was 'You could at least smile, I would be enjoying myself on that holiday!' Reply from OP was 'I was smiling I have recently had a stroke'. Of course there was no apology, but I hope that idiot thinks before commenting in future.

Define 'pious' please, and why it is 'joyless' to you.

Perhaps the cost of living is affecting people more than we realise.

I almost always say LTB. Especially when it’s yet another man who has pissed on the floor. What is with that?!

I'm not sure it has changed that much to be honest. I think sometimes there is a little bit of a race to put the boot in. And some comments are just ludicrous.

Back in the day I joined MN over Netmums because it seemed a bit more honest (which meant, if necessary, snipey). Netmum's was all 'OMG babe!', ' U OK hon?' and agreement with the OP no matter what.
It did always amuse me that within a few replies on MN OP was being told they should LTB no matter what the thread was about (not the sarcastic ones!). But honestly, I probably think that more and more myself. Not because of my relationship (all good. No complaints). But because the more threads I read (and some RL stuff with friends influencing too), I am left continuely thinking 'WTF is wrong with you?! Why are you with this dick?!

I’ve been around for 15+ years and it’s defo got loads worse for this. I would never post a message for advice now - everything goes pear shaped and critical. It’s horrible. Always someone coming on to criticise and/or not read properly and dig the knife in. It didn’t used to be like this

I've been around a long time probably about 15 years and it used to be really funny at times. Now it's like posters either can't read or can't comprehend what they're reading. It's definitely got nasty there's quite a few people who've posted asking for support and it's been so horrible they've just closed their thread. Not really in the spirit of mumsnet even aibu. There's a big difference between being brutally honest and just fucking horrible.
There are still quite a lot of supportive posters especially regarding bereavement and cheating partners, judgy arses not withstanding.

Me too. In fact I saved one lot. I suppose I shouldn't reply, but some of the things they said were so outlandish and dishonest that I felt if I didn't respond people would believe what they said.

Then they started to get my replies deleted - with success, and then would post: 'look how many of your posts have been deleted'.

The insults I have received are something else. I can only add that I am very glad Mumsnet got rid of that awful grinning emoji. I am sure they never intended it to ridicule, but it did.

I have occasionally been asked to respond when a post has had no replies for a few days. I am wondering if that is wise, now, because some posts were really nasty. When I said that the post was ignored, and no one wanted to help for 4 days and I was concerned. To which one said (and nothing helpful to the OP) we will remember you were the first to post', or words to that effect in another way.

Definitely more pious and joyless.

2016 with Brexit and the US elections seemed to cause a gear change. That also ties in with #nodebate and the popularity of the soundbite style of Twitter removing nuance from debate.

2020-21 were toxically deranged.

There was some ridiculous phase in the late 2010s when posters complained that threads should have had warnings that they were light-hearted

Data leaks affected name changing and the sense of community.

There are frequently incursions of a political nature or lobby groups. The feminist tone has made us vunerable to attention from misogynists trying to put us back into obedient boxes.

But MN is still a dominantly female corner of the internet. It's still very supportive, particularly for niche areas. AIBU does not define the whole site. Although a tough skin and humour help with not getting sucked down by the trolls, contrarians, nit-pickers and puritans.

I’ve been around for ten years or so. AIBU has always been robust, but that Wild West spirit has definitely been more apparent on other boards, such as Chat, which I think was much more relaxed in the past.

What I’ve noticed is that people are way more contrary than they used to be, and as a PP said, more puritanical and joyless. First response to an OP usually sets the tone for the whole thread, and too often, that first response is picky and yeah, contrary. I swear some people here could start an argument in an empty room.

But for all of its issues, when MN is good, it’s very, very good.

I think you’re undoubtedly correct but in the past I have been shot down in flames just for expressing an opinion … often on MN there doesn’t appear to be much space for differences

My husband does all the cooking…I hope that means he shouldn’t leave me. TBH, I’d NEVER come here for advice!! I’d certainly never come here for medical advice…I remember a poster asking about a pain she was experiencing, can’t remember the details now, something abdominal I think, someone comes on and simply says ‘pancreatic cancer.’ 🙈 But yes, some very nasty people on here.

I think the reason why they do this is to sway the debate another way and stop posters from putting their point of view over, especially if it is correct!

I have also noticed that there is an element who seem to be supporting illegal activities. Perhaps they have been denied access to the dark web.

Some posters are so wrong they could cause Mumsnet to be taken off, especially those championing the wrong way to support children. I think subjects like that are particularly dangerous. I wonder if some charities who care for children monitor this site?

I think they should.

The danger of not posting is that people with influence can gain the upper hand, and new mothers who look for help get the opposite.

If the idea is to depress someone, that can lead to very serious consequences. They have to be shown up for what they are.

I really have to agree, it's not just mumsnet. I think the world at large - be it traditional media or social media - is a much nastier place than it used to be.

I think that for some people, it's easier to be nasty online because you don't see the impact of your words on the person who's on the receiving end of them (it's the same with phonecalls). And It's easy for some to get pulled into the baying mob.

And the funny thing is that we've never had so much - whether it be stuff or opportunities - but are we all any happier for it? Can't see it myself. Some people always want more, other are jealous of others who have more and, when you're hiding behind a screen, it's too easy to try to bring others down.

It's a sad state of affairs.