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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband told me to say please

217 replies

Neuroticmillenial · 11/06/2025 20:05

Was sat on the sofa bf my toddler and asked DH if he could pass me the remote as he was going upstairs. I didn’t demand or shout, just said, “could you pass me the remote?”. He replied, “say please”… “Could you pass me the remote, PLEASE”.

Anyway, I told him I didn’t like him speaking to me like that as I’m not a child and he said it’s basic manners.

aibu?

OP posts:
BruhWhy · 11/06/2025 20:16

I wouldn't have been able to stop myself sarcastically pleading and begging him after that.

"Oh please, pleaaaaase pass me the remote, I'll be so grateful, you're so kind and beautiful, please will you grace me with your magnanimity and bestow upon me this monumental, herculean favour"

Of course it's basic manners. But she was asking him to quickly pass the remote, not wrestle a lion.

Gowlett · 11/06/2025 20:15

I know exactly what you mean, OP. It’s bollocks!
You don’t need to say please at all for something simple.

My DH gets the hump if I don’t use the right “tone”
Like “can you pass me a nappy?” No please required!

MintChocCat · 11/06/2025 20:13

Im with you OP. This would irk me. If you generally say please most of the time, I don’t see why he should be demanding it. Life is too short for this.

pimplebum · 11/06/2025 20:12

maybe you were just fractious with each other and this is uncharacteristic unpleasantness

or you generally speak to each other unkindly ?

tonight I’ve said to my partner :
pass me that
give me the thingy
move your arse

all said in the spirit of a relaxed loving happy relationship , we mostly say please and thank yous and “ would you mind”. And can I please have “. But sometime its just a point and grunt because your tired and have no words

context is everything

is he normally a patronising arse ??

Mrsttcno1 · 11/06/2025 20:11

He’s absolutely right and I would have said the same to you. It costs nothing to be polite, and if you need reminding to say your please & thank yous then perhaps you need to be treated like a child.

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 11/06/2025 20:11

My dh and I only say please if it’s something that requires effort he was well ott in my opinion

Amba1998 · 11/06/2025 20:11

I can’t imagine asking that question without please being the first word tbh

TicketyBoo11 · 11/06/2025 20:09

Basic manners. Why didn’t you say please?

TimeForABreak4 · 11/06/2025 20:09

Yabu

NinaGeiger · 11/06/2025 20:09

What's the rest of the relationship like?

I was in an abusive relationship once and punishing me for not saying please and thank you was one of the early ways of him humiliating me

But it's such a nuanced thing, if it's generally good I wouldn't worry too much

Coffeeishot · 11/06/2025 20:09

You are now modelling behaviour for a toddler who takes in everything in, saying please is practicing manners , he might have might have sounded snippy but it was probably for emphasis.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/06/2025 20:09

Sorry, but I find it really weird when people ask for something but don’t say please. The whole sentence sounds strange to me.

FMc208 · 11/06/2025 20:07

YABU. He’s right, it absolutely is basic manners!

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 11/06/2025 20:07

Do you not think it's basic manners

Dangermoo · 11/06/2025 20:06

Is it really something to get worked up about?

Girlof6 · 11/06/2025 20:06

Yeah I hate that. When the kids ask in a nice way I accept that, I don’t demand they say please, as long as they’ve asked nicely what’s the problem? So I’d be pissed if my dh demanded I say it too. Just nit picky

RosesAndHellebores · 11/06/2025 20:06

YABU. I agree with your dh, especially as you now have a child and need to set an example at all times. Basic standards!

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