Husband told me to say please

??

You expected him to say "say please please"?

I know. He's probably annoyed that the kids say "what?", thinking I'm dragging them up.

This just shows how limited the "always say please" assertion is.

Well he didn’t say please when he made HIS request.

Well he didn't say please when asking OP to say please so he was actually being very unreasonable himself!

If I said please because I really wanted it (after pointing out the pettiness) because technically he is in the right. THEN from that moment on for the next month or so I would pull him up on any failure to say please, any deviation from formal manners and no favours or putting myself out for him. Also no slacking off from responsibilities towards baby - after all you only required him to pass it because you were BF. Two can play at that game and I'm petty. I'd even be petty enough to say 'you started it', when he complained. He would think twice next time. Probably not the right answer, but it is the truth.
OR, more likely I would have replied 'fine don't, I'd rather manage without it than be treated like a child'

My husband got narky at me in the early days with a newborn because I didn't mind my Ps and Q's quite to his liking.

I made him ask me to please breastfeed our child through the night and thank you so much for feeding our child through the night until he got the point.

I think it's unnecessary to always use please, and in the circumstances of setting an example to a toddler, I don't think chastising a parent helps.

“say please” is really a rude way to ask someone to do something.

what he should have said is “can you please say please”.

The guy has no manners.

It would have been nice to say please but depends on your overall tone. Sometimes the please is implied imo (and I say this as an over polite person if anything!). It was rude of him to demand unless it's a pattern of feeling like you aren't polite onto him. Or is there a history of him being rude/unkind to you? It feels like there might be a backstory here.

Yup. You ask pardon if you've farted or belched or done something wrong. If you don't hear and want a repeat you say 'What?' which is short for what did you say.

LOL, he was wrong

Exactly!! He has issues!!

Exactly. It seems that many posters are in very formal relationships.

I think he was patronising and spoke down to you OP. Unpopular view on this thread though apparently!

I get manners have their place - “would you like a cup of tea” “yes please” - completely normal interaction.

”Would you mind passing me the remote” “here” “thanks” another normal interaction, with manners, as you would say thank you.

Personally I’d find it odd, and quite false, to ask my DH of almost 20 years in a casual setting to “pass the remote please”! “Thank you, your lordship!”

You really should be teaching your kids to say please! And thank you!!
It’s not nit picky. It’s basic manners and they’ll struggle in life without them.

I think it's one thing to remind someone to say please if they habitually forget and speak in a demanding way , but to then ask you to repeat the full sentence is really not ok , controlling and humiliating.

YABU. Saying please is just basic manners.

You can ask politely without saying please. "Could you pass me the remote?" to a spouse is polite enough for that kind of request.

It's very rude and patronising to tell your spouse to say please in this context. I'd tear a strip off DH if he spoke to me in such a patronising way.

It never ceases to amaze me how worked up people get over things on here - I don’t think I’d even notice whether DH said please or not in that scenario 🙈

I also find it vaguely amusing that the posts from people insisting on “please and thank you” are probably the most rude and snippy - there’s more to good manners than just parroting platitudes.

Depends on the tone he used.

Obviously you can ask something rudely while saying please and ask politely without it, and obviously it’s rude as fuck to scold
anotjer adult for whom you’re supposed to love and care like a schoolchild, but the majority of posts on here nowadays are written as reflex actions with no critical thinking and that’s how I read the “say please” brigade. They’ve remembered their mummies telling them it’s polite to say please and now think they say it every single time. It’s perfectly normal and acceptable in real life to say “pass me that, would you?” in a polite tone to someone you love and live with. Anyone with two brain cells can work out you can ask for something politely without a single word. But it’s nice to come online and tell someone off I suppose. The husband is an arse and I bet this isn’t the last time he does something like this. Once they get a taste of being able to lord over you they keep doing it, which is also what’s happening here.

The issue with all the responses saying that Please is basic manners, is that they ignore the fact that telling your wife off in the way OP describes is not just forgetting basic manners (assuming saying please in this sort of situation is a norm in their household), it’s deliberately belittling. These are “offences” on very different levels.

To respond to OP as though the issue here is that she forgot to say please is condoning that belittling.

How rude! OP asked an opinion, we give it, and are called arseholes and trolls because some of us do not agree with OP. No one insulted anyone, no one went for a fight. Just different perspective. Nice, talking about manners.

Of course you should say please!

Oh, come oooon!!!!!!! I am sure he is feeding his child as well, nothing to do with each other!!!
I would demand please as well, is basic manners. If that makes me patronising, fine, but get your own if you can't use a second to say please. Never happened though. You are not forced to say please, I am not forced to do you a favour. And I am in a loving relationship as well.