Still in nappies at school

My sister is a qualified teaching assistant and spends all day changing poo nappies on 5 year olds. She also gets bitten, kicked, bruised, spit at, and called all sorts of ghastly things. She works at a good school in a nice area, but still has to contend with this. It takes her away from aiding the teacher, and helping the kids who need it. All because a few parents fall short of the title.
Apparently, her other choice of working as a prison officer is becoming more attractive by the day.

Being dry at night can't be trained. My eldest was in a pull up until he was around 8 or 9. He didn't wet every night but the pull up gave him some confidence to sleep better.

More and more children with SEN are in mainstream school who would have been in special needs schools years ago. The politicians wanted to save money by putting more children in mainstream and called it inclusion. This is the result. Primary school teachers changing nappies and Secondary school teachers teaching children who can't write legibly.

@Candyflosscrochet that's really tough. I wonder at this stage is a harsher approach needed? I work with this age group and we had a child who had frequent accidents, often while playing, sometimes on the way to the toilet. His parents one day approached us saying he was increasingly having accidents at home and just shrugging it off, saying we had said it was OK to have an accident. We were trying to be nice to him, not realising we were enabling him. So we told him it was no longer OK. Next time he had one my colleague got very cross and told him she would have to send him to the baby room into a high chair if he wanted to be a baby. But if he wanted go be in our school he was to use the toilet like everyone else. He was shocked and a little upset but never had another accident. Except once, but he was on the way and was very apologetic and embarrassed, completely different from before. We still reminded him frequently to use the toilet for a few months after. I genuinely didn't think a tough threatening approach would work as I was always told to be sensitive around training but in this instance I stood corrected.

@Candyflosscrochet sounds quite a journey for your DS. I don't think it's children like your son that the OP is aimed at. I think it was aimed at parents that can't actually be arsed to train. From the sounds of it you have reached out for help and liaising with school and HV to crack it or to get help in place for September. I really hope the invention helps for him and he has a great time in Reception. My DS starts in September and I know a mum who has worked with school to get an EHCP in place for her daughter that has medication to help her to go. Mum is terrified that she will be judged in it despite her daughter actually having a medical condition.

If you really worked in a SEN school, you should know how varied and complex some children are.

I could attempt to train my child for the rest of his life but it wouldn't work.

Majority of the time it's lazy parenting. I used to work in an SEN school and around 75% of our kids were toilet trained. My own son took almost 18 months (he does have some additional needs) yet we managed it and now is sorted before starting reception.

It's lazy or unwillingness to ensure children do as they are told (sit on potty/toilet). There are, of course, children with special needs who may not learn to use the toilet properly/personal cleaning for many more years.

Right?

Blaming lockdown is mad since everyone was home with MORE time to dedicate to potty/toilet training...?!

I don't know the full details, but I'm a TA in a school and there's a 5yo still in nappies, he has additional needs and one of the TAs changes him

It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly why children are being potty trained later. Many PP have highlighted how terry nappies let the children feel wet/cold and were difficult to wash & dry. When I had my first DS I had a twin tub that had to be pulled out every day to wash the nappies. Certainly all that work and inconvenience was a highly motivating factor, but you’d think saving the expense of disposable/pull-ups would also be a motivating factor.
I worked in education for over 30 years, primarily in early years, and have also had 5 children of my own, across several decades.

I honestly believe there is a ‘window of opportunity’ when toddlers are able to become potty trained without too much difficulty, certainly in the day but not necessarily at night. If we miss this window, older toddlers/children can be less willing to be potty trained. They remain clean and dry in their pull-ups and don’t experience the sensation of being wet. I have advised parents/carers to put knickers/underpants on underneath their pull-up so that when they have done a wee they will feel it. In over 30 years, other than children with additional needs, I have found that children can reliably be clean and dry by 3, never mind 4.

I wouldn’t call it lazy parenting because most parents/carers want the best for their children and going to school in nappies doesn’t come into that category. I think people wait until their child is ‘ready’ and for some that works well and quickly, but we can see on this thread how many older 3 & 4 years old are unwilling to use the potty or toilet. I would always encourage people to start training the summer round about 2, for some that would be before 2 and for some it would be nearer 3. Good weather, running around without clothes on their bottoms so you and them can literally see the wee happening and catch it is a good way to start.
Sorry, this is a bit of an essay but I feel I could write a book on it!

Blaming covid still is nonsense. It is lazy parenting - unless of course the child has additional needs.

As others have said, this didn't happen years ago. Children were not allowed to start school till fully trained. Sure enough, they all were trained.

Sheer laziness, expecting teachers to potty train.

The ERIC guidelines suggest leaving a child in their own waste products whilst waiting for a parent to come and change them is tantamount to neglect.

My dd holds her ds over the toilet and he’s 3 months old.

dgd was toilet trained at 2

Lockdown and SEN seems to be the excuse card for a lot of things.

Just to add to my post, I understand 3 is quite young, but this how it is in my non-native country. Also, while neither of my children have additional needs, the second wasn't easy to potty train. It was a long struggle, and I almost hired someone to see us through the transition (since we worked full time and couldn't provide training all day), but like the flip of a switch, my daughter managed. We were lucky, but also worked very hard at it. There is no excuse.

More and more schools have changing facilities now due to the rise of SEN children and inclusion within mainstream schools.

My son's school has changing facilities.

My dgd was a lockdown baby. She was trained at 3.
My eldest was done by 2 and a half cos she couldn't do Playgroup until she was!

And he didn't think to ask a female member of staff to help,

Right?!

I mean I had SEND needs, and it took 30 years to diagnose me because teachers who "saw it everyday" didn't actually see it whenever my mum brought it up.

There seems to be a trend in waiting until the child is ready; I think the parent needs to take control before the child is ready.
Mine were sitting on the potty before their bath and first thing in the morning as soon as they could sit unaided.
It meant they were used to the potty and gradually became used to doing a wee or poo in it.
They were both potty trained around 2.

I find it bizarre. My DS is in nappies but he's severely autistic. Both my DDs were potty trained by 2 and 1/2.
I worked in a nursery and we always encouraged parents to get their children potty trained before they started school and they virtually all did (unless SEN ). Do nurseries not encourage this anymore? I mean they shouldn't have to either but at least they are equipped to deal with accidents and potty training. A school is not .

It is quite ridiculous. My mother talked to me, aged 1, about how horrid nappies were and if I wanted to go to the loo, just say 'Potty, Mama'. That first night apparently I called for her and never looked back, so it can be done with some straight talking and reasoning.