Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

You’ve misled us a bit saying it’s school when it’s pre-school. How are you working with a two year old there? Is it like you are effectively finishing at 3?

Are you dropping child off at childcare or working from home while minding your child in the afternoon?
It is not clear what you are doing after your lunch break.

You can't possibly work as normal with a 2yo at home for 2/3 hours of the working day. Is it fair? No. But you'll have to pay for more childcare, look for more flexible work or put up with the label (as long as your job is safe). You should be able to make use of the 30 funded hours now, and a childminder is often cheaper than nursery.

How many children do you have? Is it just the 2yo?

How many hours a week are you working and also in charge of your child at the same time?

I am surprised you are merely being labelled as unreliable. I'd be sacked for taking care of my 2yo within working hours on a regular basis.

I think what people are not understanding is; you are picking up your two year old this is your lunch break as such. But who is looking after her for the rest of the day? If it’s you that’s the problem.

OP - please be kind to yourself. You are doing your best in a culture that doesn’t recognise that single parents need extra flexibility but more often than not are more reliable, more dedicated and more productive. I would gently point out to your project manager that because you need this job more than most you ensure that your deadlines and output are exemplary. Ask them this, softly “I can’t change the fact that I need an hour a day to collect my child. But given that I always meet deadlines and ensure my work is completed to a high standard, what do you specifically suggest we do to make you feel I can be relied upon more”.

OP in my experience, if you’re in a corporate environment they pick up on that because it’s easy. It’s an aggressive environment and everyone is picked up on whatever is there to pick up on - to justify lack of promotions, etc. try to find a job with a better culture and move on, it has nothing to do with you

I'd look for another job, one that is more flexible that has a work from home hybrid option without the need to travel.

If you do find another job, keep your personal life and relationship status to yourself.

Best of luck.

My employer is very flexible and would have no issue with me doing the school run each day. I can block out time for medical appointments, extended lunch breaks etc. are no problem at all. However, they would absolutely not be okay we me blocking out every afternoon and looking after a two year old whilst ‘working’.

But OP there is clearly a disconnect between your saying that you deliver all you need to and the PM saying you are unreliable?

My company would not like this arrangement either. They like to be output driven but I had a colleague who would rarely come to office, collected her 5 year old at 3:15pm every day and then didn’t have any childcare for her after school. She also had a 2 year old with a 6pm pick up. She blocked out her calandar post 3pm or if she did do meetings it was cameras off and lots of kids noise in the background and her trying to shush her, and then would send emails at midnight etc.

Lots of people in her team complained. I was more worried about her ability to sustain this level of pressure/ stress. All to save money on after-school childcare which to me is just a cost of not having a stay at home parent - not an optional thing. She wasn’t a single mum though, and she was on about £80k. She preferred to spend her money on other things she had fabulous holidays - think Seychelles etc.

TBH she hasn’t been officially reprimanded, just had “feedback” and doesn't get the high performance ratings or big bonuses as a result. Probably because when all is said and done she does deliver - just at odd times of the day/night.

It's really tough to find an employer that is supportive of your schedule.
I agree, it is your lunch break.
You are not doing anything wrong.
Is there any parents who can help you out? I child minded for parents when I worked in the evening an hour here and there.

It's really tough OP. My child is 2 and is in nursery 4 full days and it is over £850 a month which includes the 15 funded hours. It's more than half my wages. And our nursery is cheap. If you are on your own I can only imagine how difficult it is.
Only thing I can say, is make sure you are claiming all the funding and support you can do.
Ask work for flexible or condensed hours where possible. Check for any support groups in your area.

It sounds like you need to work in a more flexible environment, not one that requires away days, and strict adherence to a lot of deadlines.

What hours are you contracted to work OP and what are you working?

If you are contracted to work but are unavailable outside school pick up times then I can understand her frustration.

You said the issue was you doing the pick up and then minding your child in working hours not that you can't be in different cities.

You can't expect to be there full time yet not there for a considerable chunk.

Because you're single, you should get help so whether you need to drop to part time hours or get a job with better hours. There are options.

Suspect your colleagues are pissed you are leaving everyday to pick up your child, do you return to work? What happens to the child?How long are you away from your job? Are you getting paid the time you are away? Information is missing

If you have your child at home with you while you’re working from home I can see their point. There are not many employers who accept that, I’m not allowed to do it, certainly wouldn’t have been able to with a toddler. The only exception is for emergencies e.g. when they’re off school sick. The rest of the time I am
expected to have childcare in place. I get it might seem unfair if your colleagues are lazy or unreliable but that’s an entirely separate issue.

As many others have said, if you're not working your contracted hours then you need to find a way to make them up. Or ask them to change your contract, but you know that means your pay will reduce.

You are unreliable, though

As a fellow PM and a people manager, your colleagues won’t be frustrated that you have a kid, they’ll likely be frustrated you’re not available for a good chunk every day when technically you should be. Last minute meetings etc might not happen often but you are expected to be available or log in later and make the time up at our firm

The other issue is looking after a two year old when you’re working; it’s impossible ime and you’re taking the piss if that’s what you’re doing and it’s not been formally agreed

So you are leaving work to drop off and b pick up, and also you are looking after your two year old while working..

Are you actually fulfilling your contacted hours? I understand you meet deadlines, but are you essentially uncontactable in the afternoons? I'm a huge advocate of flexible working to support parents and carers, but what you seem to describe doesn't sound much like flexibility, it sounds a lot like taking the piss