Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

Change the names round. Put your number under your husband's name and vice versa. Bet he gets the calls then. The school tended to do this with my DD. They no longer have her number , so his Dad's first and mine second.

Many companies do allow it now but it doesn’t look professional. I guess you have to suck up the fact its frowned upon if you can’t afford to pay. Should you eligible for some free childcare if things are so tight financially?

But how did you think it was going to work before you had 3 kids? Honestly some businesses are on their knees - it's not just individuals/families who are having it hard - and they can't be expected to cater for every employee's specific circumstances. I've been on both sides so I do get it but once again it's people like OP who give everyone wfh/juggling childcare a bad name.

What OP is doing would not be considered ‘reasonable adjustments’ at most firms.

That’s not every day though. OP is looking after her two year old in working hours every day after collection

and I can add as a parent that put DC into all available childcare and holiday clubs (even the ones DC absolutely hated and saving towards this!) I wouldn't be happy for a colleague to be unavailable to bounce off ideas, meetings or just checking up on work progress every single day.

This isn't luck of support, more a reality check that you can't be the bride at two weddings simultaneously.

They have both our numbers. It’s mine that they call first.

I left my old job due to my boss saying I was unreliable and no longer fully committed, because I reduced my hours to part time, to fit in with hursery hours. I'd only had 2 days off that past year due to my child being sick! My colleagues laughed because they had 8-12 days off sick that year! A year after I left I bumped into a colleague. She said my boss made sure to replace me with someone without kids. That lady became the biggest pain in the arse they'd ever had!!! She refused to cover staff and stay over, told management she'd best not stick any shit on her because she wont have it!!! Everyone was gobsmacked!!! She even actively looked and applied for jobs while she was working, and even went to an internal interview while she was supposed to be working! 😆 Makes me chuckle even now! Hate my old boss, F*** you Louise!!!

I suppose it depends what the agreement was at the start of the employment. When she finished her maternity leave, her employer has a duty to make reasonable adjustments. Childcare is ridiculously expensive (albeit more affordable recently with the introduction of 2 year old provision).

School will contact the number they have in their records. We had DH’s listed as he worked closer to the school whereas I could be anywhere in the world.
You could have your DH’s details recorded with the school instead of you.

'You don’t HAVE to do school runs. You could use childcare like everyone else!
maybe worth listening to the concerns of your manager and find a way to make your job work alongside childcare like most people have to!'

If it has been agreed with the employer, which it is assumed it was your comment makes no sense.

As long as the contractually agreed hours are being met the op is doing nothing wrong. Just ignore the comments, complain to more senior manager or find a more flexible workplace.

What ‘support’ is available for someone who wants to nip off to do collection, and mind their child all afternoon, with their calendar blocked out, but not be labelled as unreliable for doing so? OPs colleagues will have childcare in place like everyone else. It’s beyond naive to think they are going to be delighted to watch OP opt out of this.

OP needs to get formal childcare or go part-time.

That’s not every day though. OP is looking after her two year old in working hours every day after collection.

I have only read a few comments and I’m shocked at the lack of support.
Sounds like you are doing as best as you possibly can and you are juggling many balls. It’s so hard, I know as a mum of 3 children with a job… I feel I get a phone call every week saying one needs to be collected as they are poorly. School never call my partner/their Dad. Unfortunately it’s the society we live in, it’s patriarchal. Luckily I have a supportive manager, thank goodness as we have no grandparents/extended family that can help.
Can you speak to HR about the lack of support you feel you are receiving?

For me it’s less the pick up and drop off as that can be arranged to be done in their break time, it’s the looking after a two year old for the rest of the working day, that’s just not possible unless OP makes up the time in the evenings (or at weekends).

Yes someone should look after my two year old but I don’t have anyone.

I'm afraid this is the problem.
I don't know what the solution is because childcare is ridiculously expensive, but this is not your employer's or colleague's fault or problem to manage.

You need to formalise a proper flexible working policy with your company as it sounds completely chaotic at the moment, and of course that will build resentment.
One of my team is in a very similar position to you. Her hours are 8.45 - 2.45 and then she's back online for two hours once her child is in bed. This works well for everyone as they know exactly when she is and isn't available, she's not stressing, and managers can assign tasks to her for her evening work that is waiting for them when they log in the following morning.

You’re very lucky you are able to nip out and do school pick up/drop off and then go back to work. I can see why this would make people think you were unreliable. It’s a very delicate line to navigate.

If my workplace found out you were wfh with children around, you’d be immediately put on leave until you could sort it. It’s not tenable, and I’m sorry it’s hard for single parents, but that makes not one jot of a difference. There’s no way this isn’t impacting your work.

Hi OP, appreciate you're in a bind but agree that you are really being unreliable if you're looking after your child while on the clock. That's totally unfair on your colleagues who are present and focused on work in their contracted hours. Im amazed you haven't been formally told to adjust the situation. In my teams I've always accommodated people doing emergency childcare during work but if they just decided it was their routine I'd be having a performance/conduct meeting. Sounds like you need to go part-time.

The point is you can't just disappear to do childcare during the working day. Most people make arrangements with either a childminder, friend or relative.

Yes, this childcare isn't sustainable. A 2yo can't be left alone, and won't play independently for long. You say you're available on the phone - being able to take a call is not working, when do you do your actual work?

Blocking out the hour for pick up is one thing but what happens in the school holidays as it sounds like your child is at a preschool rather than a year round nursery?

Do you have a flexible working agreement in place that adjusts your hours for any time you are away from work during the day.

It’s not unusual, most of the staff that are parents in my department are single mothers, they have chosen it because the hours fit in with school times and they can have flexibility (for example, arranging to work in the evenings or at weekends for the standard rate to make up their hours) they are on minimum wage but receive top ups in benefits.