Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

Has that really increase much in the last 5 years?
15 - 20 years I'd 100% agree.

Aren't more SEN kids in mainstream schools now?

@Lourdes12 wasn't having a dig at working parents who use childcare.

She was having a dig at working parents trying to scrimp on childcare. And do both when in reality you end up neglecting something or giving both half hearted attention.

Reports are saying numbers of kids in nappies starting school has risen since covid. What else has changed their can't be that many more SEN kids, so it has to be something else, could it be the half hearted attention from parents who can't afford or don't want to afford childcare?

You're meant to be available until your hours end

I work FT and DS was potty trained at 18 months. He goes to nursery though because trying to work with him at home wouldn't be fair to him or my work.

Well that's certainly another answer to what's going on with kids starting school in nappies. Instead of the usual SEN, kids that would previously have been in special schools.

It's impossible to care for preschool children and work. Something or both get neglected, done half hearted.

Like 1000s of others trying it during covid nearly broke me. And that was when employers were sympathetic to the senario. I ended up doing my job in the evenings, with just the odd phone call during office hours. But that meant no down time for me. I was either child care & teacher or working.

I did notice a difference between the 2020 lock down with 3 yo and the 2021 lock down with 4yo. What an achievement 4 yos can work the telly flicker, not having to change the telly for them.

This thread is nuts. But not for the reasons you claim op 😂🙄

No, you can work and claim UC

I’m unreliable because I’m not down the pub and I can’t dedicate every 24hrs of my day to “the cause”.

No, you are unreliable because working hours are 9-5.30 and you are knocking off at 3 every day.

Loads of us are working mums too op, we just know its fucking impossible to work effectively with a 2 year old.

How most people manage is they pay for childcare for all their working hours. They flex things a bit that one time their DC is ill, or nursery shuts early, not every day.

Ways people manage this financially:

• get in debt during the worst childcare years and pay it off gradually
• seek better paid work
• have a partner/father contributing (where is dc dad? Why no cms?)
• save up before planning a family
• have family help
• reduce hours

How do people work with a young child? No wonder they’re still in nappies and lacking skills when starting school

I’d be pretty annoyed if a colleague clocked off at 3pm and I was having to stay until 5 for the same pay.

It's not about being a mother though. Plenty of us mothers worked full-time and didn't look after our toddlers at the same time. I really don't know how you can do it, especially during the long school holidays. How do you have meeting and how are you able to work with any kind of focus with a 2 year old. I get that you can squeeze in the odd hour of work, but weeks on end?

Not sure how you can work and take care of a young child. It isn't ideal.

My H has very flexible work. On DDs early close days he will focus on all the important tasks then collect her then will have her alongside him drawing or playing whilst he does things like emails etc in afternoon. DD has actually been on his knee during virtual meetings. If he needs to finish something big he will do it after I get home or DD has gone to bed. The company is very flexible and accommodating no one has to account for every hour. They don't have to be online at 9 and on every minute until 5. They simply have to do what they are responsible for.

It is a small company of less than 20. Many are parents. They have had one person leave the company in their 4 years of operation. They have likely saved a fortune n recruitment and training and have retained an committed and talented team who deliver their work to a high standard.

No the consensus is you need to work the hours you are paid.

What time do you start? 9am?
Then an hour off 3-4 to collect DC?
So you have worked 6 hours.

When are you doing the other 2 hours? After DC is in bed?
Or are you trying to work while caring for a young child. That is working and isn't practical in a long term basis. That's something you do in an emergency because you have no child care and your child is home sick.

You need to find a way to demonstrate you are working your contracted hours so the discussion around being reliable will go easier

If you are confident that the CEO and HR are completely happy with your work and output then carry on as you are and ignore comments from your line manager. Or ask your line manager for more detail on any problems they have, so you can address them.

You are obviously working hard and doing the best you can, but some PP are questioning how many hours every day/week you are working at the same time as you are looking after your child. You can't really be doing either properly.

Maybe it's just my employer who wants you to do your paid hours regardless of how fast you are ...

In this day and age with technology. People probably shouldn't need to work 40 hours a week.

Point at even one post that said that you should stop working and go in benefits. You can't, because no one said it. That's just you having a tantrum because the thread isn't going how you want.

This thread isn't going how you want because you admitted you're look after a toddler while getting paid to work, and you wanted everyone to just sympathise with how hard you have it and how mean your manager is being. They're no, you're taking the piss.

OP with all due respect, people have suggested things and helped you with your options. What exactly do you want people to say? If you want people to say your employer is being unreasonable - that's just not true.

You've had some really good advice on this page and I don't think you have any other options tbh.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that. Many are saying that you are possibly not getting what you are entitled to and that you should check.

I am beginning to think this is one of those WFH jobs that only exist on Mumsnet where once again you can work whatever hours you want but get paid a full time salary, work with children.at home regardless of age and whether they might be a distraction, take time off whenever.
These posts seem to pop up every now and again but no one ever seems willing to share where to find these jobs as I would love to know so I can apply for one.

Hi op, I'm a lone mother as well and also work full time. It's a very difficult juggle. I find some sectors lend themselves better to it than others. Can I ask roughly how much you are earning and what type of sector you're in if that's not too outing?

I think you need to look into whether there is a union that supports your sector and meet with them for advice. I'd speak again with your line manager and tell them you have received xyz clarification from the company ceo so you are confused about why your caring responsibilities are so problematic for them when your work is being completed within the expected time frames and to the standard expected. I would also look into any company policies that exist re: family leave/flexible working/ family friendly workspace etc. If they don't have these I would actually suggest these as something the company should consider in order to make them a more attractive employer and to help with staff retention and improve staff well-being by reducing the risk of burnout or stress related health issues. I would also be minuting every conversation with your line manager now that relates to your performance or working hours or use of time. Some managers have problems with needing to micromanage their staff due to their own lack of confidence and need for control. To me, this sounds like your manager is struggling to manage you but I wouldn't say that's necessarily your issue. Not having children doesn't mean you can't stretch to empathy and be flexible with your team. There are also creative ways they could manage any frustration within the team. Eg, in an old workplace there was frustration from childless staff about the number of part time/compressed hours/flexi working that was happening as majority of the team were working mothers. Manager was able to flip this and offer them the same benefits to use for their hobbies/ whatever they wanted and they realised that there's more than one way to exist in a well oiled team.

I would also meet with citizens advice to look into what financial support you're entitled to and what you would be entitled to if you were to claim uc and how much salary you could earn to maximise this. Let them do the maths for you so you can see your options laid out.

I would also consider meeting with a careers advisor, where I am there's free ones funded by the government and they'd be really helpful in looking at what might be a realistic career move for you that would help you balance things better. - thus why I'm wondering what sector you're in as you might already have transferable skills.