To be upset at this comment from nursery worker

I told my children that just being "one of the group" and fitting in perfectly with others meant that they'd never be outstanding - they'd be average.

She may be unhappy, but it may be something else. Is she able to communicate well enough to let you know?

My daughter was considered serious by her nursery but watching her interacting with those kids at parties, I soon realised it was because she was ahead of her nursery peers, developmentally, and she engaged and played better with older children who could speak as fluently as her. She is 7 now and doing well both socially and academically at school. So it may just be the particular group of kids she is with.

The nursery worker is just raising something to you that she has noticed. To get upset/ angry at the worker for doing that completely unfair and it would be a huge and completely unnecessary overreaction to complain.

Would you rather you weren't told such things?

Your daughter will take time to settle after moving rooms at nursery, particually if there is a different age group in the room than she was used to. Just work with the nursery to make sure she settles in and is happy, rather than fighting against it.

Two to four year olds is an absolutely huge difference at this age. That surely isn’t great for anyone.

Hi OP, I used to work in early years and can appreciate a comment like that might send your mind racing. I'm not a parent myself so I know I can't fully empathise but I totally understand you wanting to do the absolute best for your daughter.

With that said, I don't think the staff member's intention was to other your child. We don't know the tone or the full conversation verbatim so it may well have been construed in a less than polite way.

Some children do seem 'serious' and there are so many reasons for that. Whilst SEN can be a factor the vast majority of the time it's down to the fact that children often act differently at school/nursery than they do at home. Sometimes they're just shy! And sometimes you do get the occasional child that just seems serious and wise beyond their years and you picture them as a barrister or a public speaker one day 😆

The most important part of working in childcare is that you have genuine care and compassion for the kids and in good faith I'd hope this staff member is that way too, even if she put her foot in her mouth with how she said it.

I wouldn't rush straight to complaining about the staff member but you're definitely within your rights to have a chat with the manager about any concerns you have regarding your child's wellbeing and development.

I was once told by a nursery worker that my daughter displayed autistic traits because she didn’t like to share and kept hold of certain toys. It was total nonsense and they certainly did not have autism but as a first time mum this really upset me. I had the health visitor assess my child and she was able to tell me the nursery worker was talking shit and there was nothing wrong.

We were always told to "communicate along the way" with parents because if we ever did need to bring up developmental concerns or concerns re them potentially being ND, then it didn't come as such a shock.

We could refer back to our notes and say "remember 6 months ago we mentioned this".

Children are often different at home. Some are better behaved, some are worse.

Either way, your nursery needs to feel like they can have open and HONEST lines of communication with you. It is for your daughters benefit.

I don't think the nursery worker did anything wrong. It's important for them to note her demeanour and characteristics. That was her exploring a trait she'd noticed - you either say "yes she does prefer to play alone at the moment, we're working on it" (in which case the nursery worker can carry on as she is) or you say "oh, that's not how she is at home, can we discuss whether something's bothering her?" (in which case the worker knows that she needs to try some techniques to help her).

Two to three year olds typically play in parallel rather than genuinely together, although of course not every child develops identically and some two year olds will be beginning to play together.

Gravitating towards older children is very different to being able to play with peers - older children generally lead the play or make allowances for litter children, and either of those options is easier for a two year old to understand than their age peers are, so this may be why behaviour is different in a room full of mainly two year olds.

Additionally there may already be a group dynamic and friendships amongst the older two year olds and three year olds and your daughter is new - it's very different to the random and temporary dynamics of a park or couple of hours with cousins. Observing for a while (several weeks) before working out how to be in the new group setting isn't untypical or worrying.

"Reporting" the nursery worker in some way would be astonishingly inappropriate - she's made an observation twice but that isn't "othering". You might want to ask her not to label your child and say that she's usually more light hearted and playful and must be finding her feet in the new group at the moment. Presumably this worker isn't in charge of the room and isn't especially well trained if she doesn't know about age typical development and that it's normal for two year olds not to play together yet, but that doesn't mean she isn't a loving and well meaning care worker or that saying that your daughter was serious was malicious.

It's normal to worry of course, but it doesn't sound as though you need to at the moment. Two is very young.

How long has she been in the new room? Maybe she needs a little while to adjust.

Our 2yo son has recently moved up to a bigger room and the new worker has commented he's shy and quiet. I don't bother about it, he was like this the first time he moved up. After a few weeks the become more confident, loud and played well with the other children once he settled in. It's still early days don't worry. She sounds like a happy little girl.

Yes I would raise it from an “I’m concerned she’s not happy here as she isn’t like that at all out of nursery” place.

That would have stung me too. I think I'd like to know if there are any concerns about how she's getting on ie is she seeming unhappy? I would imagine she's still settling into the new room and seriousness could be just her taking it all in but I'd like reassurance that she's happy. I don't know what you mean by othering her but I don't like how worker said this seemingly in passing? If she's not playing with others and it's a concern it should be raised properly.