Not travelling with kids to siblings wedding after relocating

I know every family is different, but I can’t imagine missing the wedding of a sibling - or one of DH’s siblings, for that matter - except in an actual emergency. Are there no alternatives to driving that distance?

The settling period will take months. One trip is not going to change much long term. Go, Your sibling only gets married the once. The kids will survive.

I wouldn't have considered driving 700 miles each way in the first place.
If you are / were happy to do that, then I don't think the extra 100 (even if it is an extra hundred) is here or there.

I also think seeing extended family might be nice (and reassuring) for the dc, if you phrase everything positively about how exciting it is.

Is there no different way to travel there though ?
I wouldn't drive 800 miles each way without little dc. The idea of doing it with them sounds horrific. But I would have thought about that before replying to the original invitation.

Whatever you decide, let the hosts know NOW, and don't, whatever you do, just 'not turn up'.

800 miles is a huge distance. But one assumes it was 700 miles prior to this move? how were you planning to do it originally?

I think such young children might be unsettled from the move but should settle within a few days. It's not like they've been removed from their favourite schools and their 5 best friends they've known for years.

To say no 2 weeks before is possible, but frankly, quite rude. Especially if it's a family wedding. x10 if th ereason is that your children are a bit unsettled from a move.

ETA: as someone who comes from a large country, these kind of drives ARE hard. But I assume you'd have made plans for stops in advance,and hvae booked accomodation etc. In which case, the children might enjoy the whole thing and seing family etc.

I think the OP's options are 1. all 4 of them go or 2. the one who is the actual sibling goes and the other parent stays home with kids. She hasn't said none of them would go.

So this is your brother or sister? (Or brother or sister in law?).
Unless you do not like them, you should definitely go. I would find it very hard to forgive a sibling who moved away and then couldn’t be bothered to come to my wedding.

That's what I was thinking.

If you'd booked a holiday for the family would you be cancelling because the children haven't settled in their new home yet? I think it's an odd excuse and would be pretty miffed if someone pulled out two weeks before for this reason.

Honestly the kids just moved house, people do it day in and day out, of course there will be a little adjustment period for them but I think it all feels a bit drama Lama
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I think it would be a pretty poor reason to give for not attending a siblings wedding at the last minute.

I'd view it as a welcome distraction from the struggle to settle.
Can you turn it into a short break?

Surely you've booked accommodation for you all now?

Can grandparents (the side that aren't at the wedding) babysit and the two of you go?

What are the exact logistics- what had you planned to do before you moved? Yes it’s a long way but it always was. If I’d RSVPd yes I would go unless completely impossible.

My kids were fine with decent drives provided we broke it up. Are either of the kids in school? Could you add an extra day to break the journey? Plus remember they are seeing family and friends which might also really help them gain a bit of equilibrium, plus lots of bonding with mum and dad.

Surely it’s only an extra 100 miles.

i would still go but look into flying

The bride and groom will prefer no kids to unhappy kids who might cry, whine and be unhappy.

I think that one of the adults should go - can you fly?

Honestly, I don't think any trip that involves driving 800 miles with a 2 and 4 year old is an exciting day out, even if it's Disneyland.

ETA - from the second post, it seems OP's DP doesn't want the kids to do the drive either.

The kids are probably unsettled because you are
Note how OP describes it as "an unfamiliar place for what to them will be an unfamiliar day" as opposed to "an exciting day out, surrounded by the wider family".

Anyone want to take bets on it being OH's sibling and not OP's.

Plane or train?

Why are you driving? Can’t you fly? Why was he ok with them travelling 700 miles but not 800?

The kids are probably unsettled because you are

"We're all expected to attend" makes it sound like a summons. "I RSVPd yes to a wedding invitation" puts a little more responsibility on you.

This might sound heartless but 2 weeks away is still a decent chunk of time, especially with such young children. You're overwhelmed right now but keep everything calm and low demand for a couple of weeks and you'll all be feeling on a much more even keel by then. My feeling is at least one of you should probably go. When it comes to it, it might be better to all go and have each other's company. Muddle through together. It will feel more achievable then than it does right now.

Also check whether kids could have a random bug or something. I've made that mistake for too many times and only realised after 5 days of hell that they were magically fixed by Calpol.

It would be quite rude to change your mind after having RSVP yes.
I also think that the relocation is a red herring, yes the road trip to the wedding will be long (can you fly?) but it won’t unsettle them to spend a weekend somewhere else.
Just my opinion, you know your children better of course.

Agreed. Table plans have been printed and food ordered. Incredibly rude.

800 miles away is another country no?

Or are you the US/Aus etc?

Not necessarily - I sent out invites several months before my wedding and quite possibly something unexpected has happened with jobs/health/eviction by landlord (or vice versa - OP expected to move in july after the wedding but the chain went quicker than anticipated)

It’s not much help to you now, but I would never have said yes to this in the first place with kids that young (presumably it was a 700 mile road trip at least when you said yes).

I would send the parent who is the relative and apologise and buy a very nice prevent. The kids will hopefully not be too much of a lost cost, given age.