Living with a unique name that is mispronounced.

I do think there is a processing thing going on with some people and I am sympathetic to that. My DH can't spell, is tone deaf and simply cannot say certain words correctly. It's like he can't hear the syllables. It sometimes annoys me but I know it's not deliberate and he takes special care over names.

What I despise is when someone sees a completely phonetic name but because the person looks foreign, they act like the name is impossible to pronounce and the refuse to remember it. That is pure racism in my book.

I imagine thats incredibly frustrating. I have a really bog standard name, can't mispronounce it and the number of people that spell it wrong in emails drives me bonkers, so if I were you I'd be climbing the walls!

@AliPG it's due to human nature. When you learn to read, you learn phonics, so with a 3 letter word, you will have a way to say it already engrained in your brain.

So when someone starts telling you it's pronounced differently, your brain takes time to un-do the pattern.

It's like playing the piano - I read the note F on the bottom space and a C on the 3rd space up. I now play drums and the F is actually a kick drum and C is a snare drum. Except my brain STILL thinks F and C as I've played the piano for much longer and it takes time to make by brain change.

The older you are, the more forged the paths are so the harder it is.

I understand the frustration - I have an O surname which I've had a lifetime of correcting incorrectly added apostrophes from, but I try to let it wash over me. I think some people naturally find this really difficult, and we seem to struggle as a family (we are a bit tone deaf musically and very bad at learning languages- I've often wondered if the things are related).. My sister sees my daughter (aged 4) 3 to 4 times a week and still can't get her name pronunciation right and shes a hugely generous and involved auntie so its not a lack of care. (S mixed up with Z). She hears us say it the right way and we talked about it a few times but it just won't click with her. I similarly really struggle with a team members name I hear most weeks but I can't recall it its an o like in octagon or an o like in oval. It's really embarrassing because I am genuinely trying to remember the sounds as others say them.

Correcting people on their own name is such incredibly odd behaviour. I've seen it happen before and I really can't believe it - what is going through the person's mind when they do it?? Do they genuinely think someone doesn't know how to pronounce their own name??

Even after 15 years with my Irish partner, and having gone over how to pronounce it and even having written it down phonetically, my parents still get a wild panicked look in their eyes whenever they’re about to say it and then usually completely mangle it! Sometimes better than others, my father sometimes nearly bellows it in pride when he thinks he’s getting it right (he never quite has). Sometimes it’s so bad that it’s like watching John Travolta at the Oscars introducing Idina Menzel!

It’s now so worked up and overthought and panicked in their heads that I don’t think they’ll ever get it right.

My partner and I have now decided to think that their attempts are… charming.

I have a very unusual Welsh name. People mispronounce it all the time, it's fine, normally I correct them they realise it's simpler than they thought and it's quite a handy ice breaker.

BUT I have had people tell me I'm pronouncing my name incorrectly because it's vaguely similar to a Greek name. It is not Greek, and it's my name, I know how to pronounce it. 🙄

OP I’m fascinated to know what your name is!

I think you just need to keep correcting people and low-key reminding them you’ve told them before. “It’s May-a, remember?”

Adding pronunciation to emails is a great idea. In bold for repeat offenders!

To add to the Ava/Eva chat, I knew a Russian Eva that was pronounced with a short E sound like Evva (similar to “ever”) 🤯

If I work with someone who consistently mispronounces names, it indicates to me that they are poor listeners who don't care about details. It's fine to get a name wrong a couple of times, but multiple times is not acceptable in my book. In the past it's been one of the key factors in me deciding not to promote someone, mainly because it was a symptom of a larger inability to stay across details.

I worked in a shared office with a man with (what seemed to me) quite a simple African name. It's not at all common in England but it's very easy to pronounce. He told me it, then said 'but I go by Mike,' obviously because no one ever pronounced his actual name correctly. I always said his actual name and I could see how pleased he was, which made me sad because the thought of no one actually bothering to say my name seems awful.

I have a name that is almost impossible to get wrong, but people misspell it all the time and sometimes shorten it, which infuriates me. I will say if I have a nickname, otherwise call me my actual bloody name!

A friend toyed with calling her child Ava, but spelling it Eva. Luckily she saw sense and Eva spelling is now Eva pronunciation . My own dd has a very traditional and biblical name, which is always pronounced properly but over the years we have seen some strangely complicated spellings.

I think I am going to add my pronounciation to my email.I love this idea!)

I have a very normal name, and people often misproncue it (think adding a 'y' onto the end). I always correct people for two reasons:

• its almost always men who do this, and i think it either consciously or subconsciously infantilising me
• i work in a place that is mutli cultural, and it really annoys me when people dont get names right. I have had lots of discussions and often people whose names are not typically 'western' end up changing or answering to wrong names and it really upsets them. Names are a big part of your identity. So by me, a white senior (in status) woman raising my name (and also asking discretely how to pronounce names if I am not sure) then I am raising the profile of names being important

I agree that putting how to pronounce phonetically is a good idea.

Don't be tediously literal. Everyone knew what the op meant 🙄

Possibly. You’d have to ask poor Portia (perhaps you are one) being called Porsh all day long might drive her completely mad!

Exactly the same here. It's an Irish surname, has a lot of consonants, and British people just freak out. I can literally see the fear cross receptionists' faces. If they just slowed down, and said every letter, they'd be grand.

OP, loads of people I work with have a "Say My Name" in their signature with a phonetic spelling and even a recorded pronunciation of their name. I'd also put that on the top of your CV.

Correct people in person and real time. In the meeting, it would have been fine to say, "Just to jump and and say, it's actually "Kee-a" not "Kye-a". Thanks!"

But Porsch is a better mispronunciation than
Por-Tea-ah. Or Poreeta.

Surely the thing that matters is whether or not they are trying to get it right? Saying Isobel with an accent is not the same as not bothering to read it properly and calling you Isabella or Isla or something or deciding that (on first meeting) you’re better suited as Bella.

I feel your pain! I'm 54 and people have mis-pronounced my name my whole life No matter how much I correct them, they just can't get it right. It annoys me in a meeting when some people pronounce it correctly and others don't, it's as if they think they're right! My name rhymes with cherry, but people tend to rhyme it with fairy!! I've given up now 😂

Yes i use to hate it but the older i got the more i loved it.

I have a name that was totally normal in my country of birth and absolutely not one that anyone has heard where I live now. 4 letters, not tricky but have heard it all.

My biggest annoyance is in emails when they write back and let the autocorrect decide what my name is. It's in my email address and my signature and I sign every email so that's just laziness.

My name has several different ways people go depending on where they're from - Italian and French people say it in a delightful way and I just let them carry on. Scottish people do not and I correct. For a few times. Then I give up.

And I have a rhyming option too - 'my name' like 'Sheila' or whatever.

My neighbours somehow mispronounce it and never quite learned how not to and I just live with it now. They are lovely in every other way but apparently have this one issue. I'm pretty used to it several years down the road!

Incredibly rude. Someone's name is so personal and it's really important to get it right. 99% of the time people just aren't even trying.

Without sounding racist, I've noticed people of certain ethnic groups struggle with my name. They say Aisobel instead of just Isobel as most people know it. I get this often and I'm just used to it.

People say my name wrong all the time at work.

Its because so many people work there i think

Your name is Bible?

My parents saddled me with a name which I don't really like that much, but which I have always used for work/legal purposes, etc. Friends call me a shorter version of this. Some people change my (full) first name for something very similar, only a couple of letters different - it is waaaaay cooler! I go with that, and don't correct them unless it's necessary 😀