Living with a unique name that is mispronounced.

DS has been going out with a lovely girl for about 18 months. Her parents in their wisdom took a very familiar name and changed one letter. She has struggled with being called the familiar version her whole life, and she does correct people: "Actually it's Susam, not Susan" (made up example). The other day I mentioned her to DS and said Susan. I had a choice in my head and went for the wrong one. I was tired, and it's instinctive. I think, as has been said, that people just aren't concentrating. In meetings they are preoccupied with getting their points across and not making an idiot of themselves.
I don't think you should change the spelling, OP. More confusion! Just keep telling people.

It’s always been rude to give someone a name without their consent.

that’s not new.

it might not bother you, fair enough but it really bothers others. You might think you are bonding but you are not. In fact you are probably pissing them off.

I have a few friends with unique names and they all feel the same as you.

they all have picked simple names for their own children like Emma and James in order to avoid afflicting the same in them.

parents really should think hard before they saddle their children with these types of names.

There is a huge difference (and you know this) between a friend giving you a shortened name or nickname or whatever, and a stranger or someone in power (who you would feel uncomfortable correcting) doing it. And there too is a huge difference between someone calling you by a name you choose to go by and giving you something they’ve decided they want to use. A Robert may like Robert, or Rob, they may loath Bob, Bobbie or Robby. It’s not up to strangers to decide what to call us.

I have this exact problem. I work with someone who has English as a second language and has called me by the wrong name for 2 years because she can’t say it. Frustrating but understandable. Her English has improved over the 2 years and she can now say it, but is so used to calling me the wrong name she continues to do so. Now that she actually CAN say it not being arsed to do so because she thinks of me as X is getting on my wick!

My daughters name has two pronunciations. People always use the other pronunciation. I don't mind at first, obviously as it could be either, but I hate it when they continue to use the wrong pronunciation even though I've said it correctly several times. It's like they're suggesting I'm wrong. Quite frustrating. My son has a name that cannot be mispronounced! Lesson learned!

I've always wished my 2nd name was my 1st; it's a real classic and so easy. The spelling of my 1st name, although I'm glad of this, has caused frustration through the years. My name's never pronounced as it should be, and people struggle with it. My surname isn't much better

I just grin & bear it, but I do make a point of ensuring people use the correct spelling.

My name is "old" and always said the same but has a number of spellings.
Some people send email with the wrong spelling even though they must have typed the right spelling to get the email address.
Some people use different incorrect spellings within the same email.
It is annoying and feel free to be pissed off.

I wonder if we have the same name...!

For years I let it bother me. And now it doesn't. The most I do if there is someone who just doesn't pay attention, I just mispronounce their name. It gets the point across quickly.

I love my name and I figured the people who take the time to know how to say it properly are the ones I respect more and give the time of day to.

Don't change the spelling. One day work will send you off on a foreign trip and you will get to the gate and be denied boarding because they booked the ticket with your "work name" and it doesn't match your passport (unless you change that too).

I had a colleague called Andy, work called him Andy, they booked him a ticket to France and back as Andy Smith, he got to the gate on the return leg and showed his passport saying "Andrew" and they wouldn't accept it. Fortunately one of the staff had spent time in the UK and knew about nicknames, but in France you are only known by what's on your birth certificate/passport except perhaps by your very closest friends and as far as anyone in a uniform is concerned, Andy and Andrew are as different as Eva and Ava.

I spent the first 30 years of my life battling exactly the same non listening and eventually changed my surname by deed poll as my reaction to people getting it wrong (after saying it for them ffs) was bothering me.
For that alone half of my family ostracised me for "betraying the family name" and I was even disinherited by one parent, It was that black and white to them.
My only regret is their lack of understanding, because yeah, people literally glossing over correctly saying (and writing) your name can make you despair at the lack of respect, and it sullies many basic interactions.
So it's easier now being called, let's say "Smith" rather than, let's say "Coq" but deeply saddening that the paternal side of my family responded how they did.

I think there is a huge class element with nicknames. Wc people, in the past anyway, often were given nicknames by others, it may be less common now but certainly in my father's generation.

That's happened to me too. Was on holiday with someone with the same name, different pronunciation, and by the end I was introducing myself to other people with her pronunciation!

Honestly? There are far worse things to worry about. My name is also regularly mispronounced, so I know how it can be, but surely you can just roll with it?
Does it really matter? As long as you know they are talking to you/about you, what’s the difference?

Is everything rude these days? Giving someone a nickname if often an act of affection. Are we not allowed to bond anymore? Do we need to walk on eggshells constantly? Let's add this to another in the long list of navel gazing.

My name is always shortened without "permission" 🙄. Of course, if someone says they'd rather their long name that's fine too.

One possibility is they are not hearing it the same way you are. How we hear words depends on what we have heard as small children.

Also, if a word goes against the conventions for pronunciation or spelling in a language, people will struggle to remember. Some are better at it than others, but it's not a moral issue. No one likes getting it wrong, but it is harder for some than others.

A better question is why you are unable to understand that not everyone is the same.

Ilai - I'd pronounce that as ee-lay

There is a phrase my lovely gay friend uses when people called him Chris: "Most people call me Christopher"

It's incredibly polite and is a lovely, gentle correction without saying, don't call me Chris, or you've got my name wrong.

Would that work for you?

I'm wondering if it's Iva (pronounced Eva). There is a lady in my dance class with that name. I think she is Slovenian. She gets called Ivor and even Ivan regularly despite reminding people. I admit when I see her name written down it "says" Ivor to my brain but when I see her, my brain says Eva.

I really do try to get names right as my surname (similar to a more common one) is repeatedly mangled.

I agree with the poster who said attributing diminutives to people without invitation is rude. My boss does that - we have colleagues who prefer their full names (Edward, Elizabeth, Matthew etc) but he calls them Ed, Liz, Matt etc. He did it once to a client who prefers Daniel not Dan and was abruptly corrected. Tee hee.

Gosh she’s tolerant!

I also know someone called Gina but it's pronounced Ginna/Jinna so she's spent her whole life explaining to people that she's not Geena she's Ginna. If her name is called out in a dentist's waiting room or whatever, then obviously they ALWAYS get it wrong. I guess she must have had a fair few people over the years, who despite knowing her fairly well, just can't seem to pick up the aural distinction between Geena and Ginna and continue to call her Gina anyway, because that's the name they know. And to be fair, that is how Gina should be pronounced, so it's hardly their fault.

My DH has a pretty uncommon (but not totally unheard of) name and I know two people who just CANNOT get it right, even though they've known us for years. Think along the lines of being Edmund and constantly being called Edward, or Fraser and being called Frasier, or Connell instead of Connor.

Our next door neighbour does it all the flipping time. I'll say 'Connor has gone to the shops' and she'll say 'Which shop did you say Connell went to?' right back at me. Her brain has decided he's called Connell and she just filters out everything else she hears. It's really strange. I think she's got raging ADHD though, so that might explain it.

Imagine living in a foreign country where people can't physically say your name!

I love the way Europeans say my name :)

Try using an easy to pronounce nickname instead. That's what immigrants do

I still have to do a mental jump with Persephone if I read it. If I’m just saying it it’s fine but my brain always reads it wrong and then I have to correct myself.

With something like Sara (and I’ve known Sara’s called Sara and Sara’s called Sarah) or Ralph (is it Rafe or Ralph), I always go down the pick a pronunciation and ask them if that’s right route.

I think that often people (and very much more with adults) certain sounds associate with certain configurations or letters so much that our brains just go there no matter how often we may be told that in this case it isn't true. I have travelled a lot, and to me something similar is nodding to say yes. I know that in some cultures it doesn't, my head knows that and it knows when I am in a place where it doesn't mean yes - but the automatic reaction to nod when I mean yes still kicks in.

Growing up there is a certain English word that people in my part of England routinely pronounce differently than the way it should be pronounced. At school my English tecaher corrected us every time we got it wrong. I'm now 67 and I still "stumble" over the word when it comes up and have to think for a sceond which is the right way to say it!!!