Ex and money

No he won’t. His rent is only £750/month and he earns £48k. He can afford £400/month on his children. It’s an empty threat. He barely has them 30% of the time based on what you’ve written, he can only get away with not giving you money if he has them 50% of the time.

So some questions

if he moves back to his parents how will he work? Is he really going to give up his job?

according to a calculator if he’s on 46k pa net that’s £2997. Take off the 100 he pays you and the rent that’s still 2200 per month, just what is he spending that money on? ok he maybe paying extra into a pension, but that’s not helping you now and he perhaps need to reduce that payment until the kids are older

If he wants to make it more difficult. For him to see the kids that’s his choice, but please don’t use him not seeing the kids as a reason not to claim CMS. You need that money to provide for the kids and you are the default parent here, ina month he sees them 7/8 days, that’s 22 days you have them, in the holidays he sees them about three weeks, that’s 9weeks you have them, so how is that him ‘having them a lot’

Call his bluff tell him you want £400 pm or you will go to CMS. You can tell him that the £100 he pays now can be included, but your kids require support and he needs to step up

If he wants to move back to Mummy’s because you have called his bluff let him, he’s the one destroying the relationship with his kids, not you

Just go to CMS and stop cowing to his emotional black mail.

your problems are much more than just the CMS then frankly. YOu are paying the mortgage but he is still a 50% owner. I thin you need to get this settled, and asap.

I would actually talk to a solicitor before going to CMS. Becuas at th emoment, arguably, YOU are paying HIM child maintenance in the form of his share of the mortgage.

I won't do that to the children (or myself), they would hardly see him

He hardly sees them now. For most of the year he sees them for 2.5 weekends a month - that's 5 days out of 30 op.

EoWeekend would change that 5 days to 4. It's hardly any different.

Sorry but yes, you are being a mug.

Sorry just seen your post, disregard what I’m saying about equity then if it is sorted

Of course he isn't moving back to his parents 2 and a half hours away when his job is nearby too.

I do hope you have a financial order in place about what happens to the house you are paying for eventually!!!

CMS now. He is playing you.

If you split up six years ago have you not remortgaged since? I know that your everyday living costs will be at the forefront of your mind but the issue with your home is one that will come up eventually and if he would really move back to his parents would he not also demand the equity in the property?

I agree with posters suggesting you sit down, set out the difficulties you are experiencing and come to solutions together.

why isn’t he as worried about keeping things amicable as you are?? And how is it amicable when he is exploiting you?

also he can still see his kids plenty if he has a commute. is there a specific reason you need those weekends free? seems deeply unfair that he gets so much weekend time but you do all the school runs and weekday routines when youre also trying to hold down a job.

Oh cross post there

As you have been separated for six years it is probably time to sort out the financials for the house re the mortgage as that is hanging over you too.

Were you married op? Have you divorced yet as all this would come up in the financial agreement re the house and child maintenance etc?

Before contacting the CMS, I'd put it in writing what you'd like.

By the sounds of it, it's not about the money but him saying he has them "so much of the time" when really he doesn't.

Could you suggest a 50/50 split including half of school holidays? e.g. one week alternating, then pay half each for all school trips, music lessons etc... Or he has them Wednesday to Sunday every other week then continues to pay for school trips and music lessons?

Or is it actually money rather than time? In which case, just open a CMS case. If he's in a public sector job then he can't do the self employed trick.

You need to sit down as adults and parents and discuss this, perhaps with someone neutral with you to help form an agreement that feels fair to both parties.

Well if he doesn’t want to pay he needs to have them 50/50 so you can work more or pay less towards the children as you won’t have to feed them etc 50% of the time.

He isn’t a good dad to them if he refuses to pay his fair share to them!

And every other weekend is a pretty normal arrangement which isn’t a detrimentally small amount of time to spend with your children.

But if you’re unwilling to ask for money and you’re justifying his threats to move and saying you prefer him spending 2/3 weekends with the kids to money and eow then what’s the point of the post?

For a start, quit with the he’s a good dad to them nonsense. A good dad would support his children financially. Get a CMS claim in now.

Did you give him his % of the equity?

You have to make a CMS claim OP and I think you know this.

If he chooses to move 100 miles away to his parents house and stop seeing his DC then that’s absolutely not your fault, that’s totally on him (and likely an empty threat anyway!)

Why should you struggle so you can pay for 75% of the costs of raising a child so that he doesn’t have to pay a thing??

When you say you took over the mortgage how is your home currently owned? Is he still on deeds/paperwork or does he have a claim to any of the equity?

If I were you I’d work out what he’s currently paying, compare that to CMS and go from there but just wanted to make sure he can’t make your life more difficult in any other way like extra cost of childcare or claiming anything on the property etc.