Partner spent my money and lied

Okay, let's look at it a different way - you've been brave enough to talk about it here to strangers. So could you talk about it to other strangers, where it would also be anonymous? Like a helpline for women who are struggling to get away from their partners? It would be the same safety except people who know how to help you think about things differently.

He's cheated on you, lied to you and now he's screwing his own children out of money. Obviously you know that there's not a chance in hell he'd look after you, so stop pissing around, take him to a small claims court and dump him. No excuses, no pity party.

He’s not mistaking your kindness for weakness, you are being weak. Find your fighting spirit and deal with this man, anxiety and all

Threads like these show me how awful people can be. It’s like some of you have never heard of coercive control or how years of abuse can grind you down and leave you believing everything someone has to say.

By all means, let’s berate someone further (just like the bf) and see if that exhorts her.

Wtaf. This gets weirder and weirder.

Executors do not get sent the money to pass on. A solicitor would send it on to its rightful owner.

At this point your kids have a case against you legally for handing their inheritance to someone else when you were executor. All for 2% of interest over a short period of time. Absolutely bonkers.

2% interest in an account you control is a much more reliable investment than 4% in the account of a man you say has repeatedly let you down.

he's gambling surely?

If he was doing drugs he wouldn't be keeping it to spend it later - he wants to spend the 2k to gamble it to get the other £5k back.

Tell him you know about the gambling and say you need the £2k back now, and you can talk about getting him. (nicely nicely)

Once you've got the £2k back fuck off and don't look back!!! I would say that £3k will be well spent - every time he tries to get back together with you, ask him where your £3k is. There is no chance he will save this money to repay you long before you forget about him. Imagine how much you spend on him through takeaways, nights out, christmases and birthdays etc. Try not to think too harshly of yourself, to get £12k back is pretty good going.

I wouldn't say everyone whose partner is a gambling addict should leave - but you said you've known him 15 years and he's not trustworthy. You don't need to hang around whilst he changes his life - because there's no guarantee he will.

Look at the title, she views this as her money. Poor her?

No poor kids, the actual victims who aren't being blamed by anyone.

If this man was trusted, had never done anything to make the OP doubt him she might be able to claim to be a victim but that isn't the case here.

Nice victim blaming. Unwise decision made by the OP, yes, I am sure she is kicking herself hard enough, she doesn't need a pile on by sanctimonious strangers.

OP, don't you have your own non high interest bank account? Couldn't you have put the money in there until you opened the high interest scheme? You can start a separate account inside your online banking account in a few minutes to keep money separate.

Can you go to small claims court if he has taken money from his own kids? I'm not so sure, especially if he has been given the money willingly and has parental responsibility. He can say he is keeping it for the kids.

I know there was a recent case in the news where a mother stole her daughters' inheritance and was jailed, but both daughters were adults and took it to court themselves. I think it took many years to get justice. The sum was something like 50k too.

OP, you need to break the cycle of abuse here. Your partner will rob and ruin his own kids unless you protect them.

Jesus. Deaf ears. These poor kids. 💔

So what are you going to do? Everyone IRL and on here is telling you the same thing and yet the one person you choose to trust and believe in is him. What will it take to get you to change?

I’d be informing the police and see if they can do anything.

He’s stolen from you and your dc. Even if you get the remaining 5k back he’s still stolen the interest from them.

TBH I’d rather be alone than be with someone so vile as him. Kick him out and involve the police or take him to the small claims court

You have got the rest of it back now though havent you?

Okay, people saying you don’t have a leg to stand on aren’t fully correct.

He could have said that it was a gift- but he transferred some back when you asked. This is acknowledgment that it’s your money.

Now, he could still say it’s a gift, but you can prove the money was from an inheritance and then you sent it all and he sent some back.

I would draft a letter- basically saying you give him 28 days to pay the cash back or you’ll go to the small claims court. send it recordered to his address (or yours if you live together). Distance yourself from him until he pays it back. Worst case- £30 small claims court fee. This should be a slam dunk case.

Once you get that money back- please dump him. If you can’t trust someone anymore, that’s it.

God Mumsnet has become a nasty place. The OP gave the father of her children money to look after. She needs support and advice, not a vicious pile on.

I'm afraid it is weakness, not kindness.

This made me think about my dad who gambled away 5000k of money from my maternal gp. My mother divorced him soon after...

OP, he seems to have stolen his own kids money - or he is withholding the money from you to keep you in tow. You are being gaslighted. You have no one else to ‘vent’ to because of him.
Please contact. Women’s Aid, the Samaritans, people you can actually talk to rather than advice on here. And you need to end your relationship with him now,he is stringing you along.
Good luck and keep strong xx

He'd "take care of you"? And you believe him? Honestly he's shown you time and time again what kind of lowlife scum he is, and you just roll over and let him away with it. Honestly, you'd be much better on your own with your kids. He's a leech, a thief and a liar. And this is who you want to raise your kids with???

Oh I should add- as trustee for your kids you have a duty to get the money back from him or to repay it to them from your own funds