Partner spent my money and lied

Some of these threads are disgusting. Yes she may have been unwise to trust him but she did not give him any kind of permission to spend the money how he wanted nor lend money to his friends. The money the friend has been "lent" is probably already spent. I think she should go along with him until his payday and get what she can. I also think she should be recording all of their conversations about the money and his actions and she should ensure that his excuses etc are recorded as proof of the coercion. If someone says recording him without permission is a crime well the Police often ask some people who are victims/witnesses in a crime, to wear a recording device and that is without the perpetrators knowledge or permission. The OP has so little value of her own worth, driven down by him so please stop berating her - she was conned like hundreds of other people are every day. I have been conned by female friends who have borrowed or stolen from me and I am far from stupid. One of the "friends" I have known for over 35 years. I do not see her anymore but know she is still at it as I have seen her in the local newspaper - I also get alerts from Internet sites that she is obviously trying to hack into using former pets names etc It is not so easy to prove although I have no problem offering her up as the most obvious and possible/probable person trying to get goods etc. Do me wrong and I will never forget it. My only excuse at getting conned etc was my kindness and believing that everyone was trustworthy. The best/worst thing was when I had plenty of money, people only had to ask and I would have helped them out as I have done to other friends. OP now needs practical advice and emotional support which she should get from Women's Aid. I wish her all the best and the strength to walk away and stay away from this leech.

Gambling, alcohol, drugs and women is probably where he spent it on & why he has nothing to show for it.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Do the online freedom programme to discover and establish boundaries so you can model good relationship behaviour to your kids. You need to kick him out before he bankrupt you and leaves you with a bad credit score.

Check your credit rating and make sure he hasn't taken out any loans or credit cards in your name.

I assumed op meant she tried to open a specific high interest a/c & the rate was no longer available. Rather than open an account at a lower rate she chose to put it in her partner’s high interest account. As he is the children’s father you would think this would be a safe enough thing to do! Stealing from your own young children is despicable!

You gave a pathological cheating gaslighting liar £15k to look after and you're shocked you're having issues?... One born every minute.

This man is not a support system for you. He is actively making your life harder and more painful than it needs to be. He’s chipped away at you and got you to the stage where you think he contributes something positive to your life and that you can’t cope without him. What does he do for you that you couldn’t do for yourself? What support does he give you?

You have precisely zero chance of getting that 5k back. He’s spent three of it and I think he’s refusing to give the other two back because he wants to keep it for himself. And you could go to Small Claims Court and be awarded it, but if he’s not working, how much a week do you think you’ll be awarded out of his benefits? You’ve enabled him to steal from your children, knowing that he was a man you couldn’t rely on to tell you the truth, let alone look after a large sum of someone else’s money.

If ever there was someone in need of a course of intensive therapy, it’s you. I don’t doubt that you love your children very much and that you try to do your very best for them. But at some point, you have to look at the choices you’re making in respect of this man and ask yourself how this impacts on your DC, and whether you’re putting him before them. Every time you forgive him for treating you badly, a part of you lessens. Every time you give him another chance to let you down, they see that. And they now have a mum who feels like she can’t cope without this parasitic millstone of a man dragging her down to his level. They’re learning that a shit relationship is better than being single and happy. They’re learning that this is what is acceptable behaviour from men and this is what they should accept as women. This man is like Japanese knotweed. Attractive from a distance but absolutely destructive up close.

Again, on this thread, there’s the difference between The Law and Real Life.

The OP hasn’t been “illegal” in doing what she did with the money. At best, it’s “unlawful”. However, her negligence as a trustee isn’t actually going to get pursued by anyone. That kind of action requires tracing, rules of equity, a heck of a lot of time, and thus money. It ain’t happening.

What IS happening is this fucker has her money and the black letter of the law nor the long arm of the police is going to save her.

OP you would be far better without this piece of shit in your life. He doesn't help if support you - he uses you and steals from his own children!

If you die while he's got access to your affairs your children will get NOTHING because he will steal it all. Again. He wouldn't support his children - he's proved that by these actions. Even if he repaid all the money plus interest you must never ever trust him again .

He's NOT a help to you - he's a dead weight that you are carrying.

If you won't get rid of him for your sake do it for the children. They deserve better. Be a good Mother and do the right thing for them.

Change the beneficiary on your life insurance policy! You can make it so the proceeds are held in trust for your kids and your sibling is the trustee

I would advise you to find another trustee for your life insurance e.g. a sibling, aunt etc.

Also, if you want to leave, start to think of a plan on how you will do it, speak to anybody who can provide support etc

Now we need app to see what we see. It isn’t rocket science

But you said you have no support if you were to leave him.
I am saying that IF you leave him you will find out that your siblings are there. You’ve basically said that he is the reason they don’t want to know.
So if he goes I can bet your bottom dollar that your family will rally around you.
So, ditch the deadbeat. He sounds like such a catch.

I believe that you will get the money back. Whether you'll get the interest is anyone's guess, but you should. Your decision is simply whether you choose to stay with someone that you can't trust with money. You know this is your partner's weakness (he can NEVER expect you to trust him again) so if you decide the relationship is worth persevering with, you need to plan it so that he is not trusted financially.

Why on Earth would you keep someone around to care for your children when he is someone likely to abuse and take advantage of them? I understand you feeling powerless and unable to end the relationship but actively planning to saddle your children with this waste of space is just cruel. Surely they would be better off with your family in the event of anything happening to you, as they sound like nice people who want what’s best for you but have compassion fatigue and feel frustrated at watching you actively choosing to remain in their relationship despite their help.
Also, if your health anxiety is a big factor in you staying why aren’t you doing anything about that and seeking therapy?

So you did have people to support you but you chose this man over them and you are also letting health anxiety rule your life rather than getting help with it.

All you can do is grit your teeth and try to remain sweet with him till you get the money back. Then dump him. Getting angry will give him an excuse to back off. If you try to appeal to his better side (if he has one!), he might be more inclined to see it from your POV and try pay it back. Lesson learnt though - trust no-one where money is concerned.

I can only imagine it was because of your benefits. Otherwise why on earth would you hand it over?

Well, it's his word against yours at this point unless there's some proof the money wasn't just handed over out of good will.

I'm sorry this is happening. Obviously tell him he must give it back, but it doesn't mean he will.

You really will feel better with him out of your life believe me.You can then seek help from your family when they know he is not living with you.Please try for your children’s sake he is an awful role model for them.Do you rent and do you work? He will never change.Seek counselling for your anxiety it was terrible losing your mum but you have children who need you now.Good luck you are stronger than you think.Claim CSA.

He didn't 'give it to his friend to invest in something.' He invested in something himself, or more likely he just spent it.

It would be hard to prove, but I think OP shouldn’t potentially be getting herself into any trouble, especially as she has kids dependent on her. She’s already on dodgy ground giving away her kids’ money.

She what he was like. She said she gave it to him as a ‘test’, she had no right to test him with someone else’s money.

Why has he got a savings account if he cannot save money? Did he have any money in it?
I think you need to go to the small claims court he has no reason for withholding the £2K his argument for waiting for the £3K makes no sense. Unfortunately you need to pressure him into paying the money back. I am sorry he betrayed your trust but You have proof you should use it.
Good luck

I suspect she gave him that money to invest to try to please him, and said he could earn the interest. Otherwise it’s illogical.

And there’s no obvious reason she couldn’t have opened a non-credit account. That doesn’t make much sense.

I suspect she’s being roundly abused and is so all-in on this piece of shit that she’s consistently putting him above children.