Partner spent my money and lied

While the account was in your children’s name you obviously have access until they turn a certain age (my mum had similar accounts for us) and thus you have the ability to access it. You sent tbe money willingly to your partner, he didn’t steal it

this sounds like a very expensive lesson

You should have kept the money yourself
There are plenty of places to invest

Each person can put up to a maximum of £20, 000 per year into a tax free ISA
All interest is tax free

Each person can buy up to a maximum of £50, 000 into Premium Bonds
All prizes are tax free

He said that because he wants the money, all of it.

He should not be in the will at all, and certainly NOT the executor! Don't tell him you are removing him from the will and from being an executor.

I also believe he feeds into your health anxiety to keep you dependent on him and he is probably making you feel ill.

I think if you get away from him, your health will improve and your anxiety will lessen.

Who earns more in the relationship? You will be eligible for help if you need it once you get your children and you into a better environment.

You DO have support system though; siblings.

This @Lilly1812

Therefore, it WAS a test. Because, you knew, there was a chance he would spend it, but you had hoped he had changed. That is a test.

You just keep making excuses as to why you don't leave. Get help for the health anxiety you have and give your children the life they deserve. What you have now isn't it.

As for your life insurance, etc. I suggest seeing a solicitor and getting it fixed and ringfenced, so ONLY your kids get it when they are like 20-21 or so, or in layers.

You keep listening to your DP or whatever he is and his putting you down until you bend to his will. Change your thinking and center your children.

So, you have family. Maybe they aren't the "kindest" to you right now since you keep sticking with an abusive arsehole, but they can at least be a sounding board and an ear when you kick him to the curb.

He is not helping your health anxiety, and he'd never be dependable if you did get ill. I think, deep down, you know this.

You are hurting yourself and your children by staying with this jerk.

I know your children inherited money, but did you also inherit? If so, what did you do with it?

Have any of you read her posts?

Yes,that's a point,I hadn't thought of that either. So gave the money to him was better than taking a cut in benefits eh?

It's not her money. That's the point.

I have to say you were a bit naive to give him money to look after for you,he will have seen it as a 'give' not a 'temporary holding'. Why did you not just open an account,any account?
When I was 17 I let my boyfriend 'look after' my building society book with savings from all those years in it. He took the lot without apology,saying I had 'given' it to him and that "what's yours is mine". You will be lucky to see the money again. We live and learn.

This.
OP knows it’s far from ideal etc etc.

I don't know how many children you have but you have to think about what happens if one wins a big prize. Happened to a family I used to know. I child won a six figure sum, parents wanted to split it between the children but were told it was illegal. So one child had £100 and the other had £100,100. Caused a lot of upset.

It is unreasonable from how the OP describes him. Again look at the fact that this wasn't her money but God forbid an adult takes any responsibility.

I was with you til this post. If he’s let you down multiple times and you don’t trust him any more why the fuck did you trust him with your kids’ money ? Your siblings are right. It’s stupidity. Why didn’t you just put the money in your own account until you could find something better ?

Lily are you getting help for your health anxiety as it’s causing you to make bad decisions based on something that probably won’t happen.
Your DC will have picked up on all the tension between you so keeping him around may not be helping them now.

My mum died of cancer at 52 so I don’t underestimate the impact on you. I am older now than she was when she died. You need to see if there is therapy you can get that will help you process what happened so it doesn’t define your life.

Well, now you know he cannot be trusted for any reason, at all. I hope you get the rest of the money back and that you do something to put it into your children's name, so he cannot get to it again.

You already didn't trust him, but you decided to give him your children's inheritance to maybe get a few extra bucks in interest. Got it.

AFTER you get the money back, which is 50/50 whether you ever will, I would give serious thought to this relationship. He has screwed with your children and that, to me, is unacceptable and I couldn't stay with someone who did that.

How much interest are you supposed to get from this "account" he kept the money in?

Yes exactly this ! I’d be sending txts or emails back and forth between now and then so
you have proof he used your money without permission. Stops it basically @Lilly1812

@Lilly1812 have you ruled out if you have potentially inherited the BRACA gene from your Mum? Was she tested for it?

Under NICE guidelines you are eligible to be referred for genetic testing which includes counselling.

Also change your pension beneficiaries (not sure if this has already been mentioned)

@Lilly1812 Being the trustee of the Life insurance policy doesn't mean your sister ( or your brother) will be responsible for bringing them up. It just means that the money from the Life Insurance policy will be held for the children until they reach 18 or whatever age is decided, or can be used if needed before then at the trustees discretion. You need to remove your Partner as the beneficiary, that's all.

Similarly, you need to changed your will, removing your partner from inheriting anything from you and again, leave your assets to your children - again in a trust, or to be held until your children reach the age of majority. This is something you MUST do as a matter of urgency. You can make provision for who you would want to look after your children if you die while they are still young and being Executor of your will does not mean that the Executor then has to look after the children.

You can put life insurance in Trust for your kids to benefit at say 21 with the trustee able to use the money for say education /!: reasonable use for upbringing

also remove him from any in death benefits you have in work and your pension as well

get a will done and leave it with your sister and a copy with your brother
and make it clear your boyfrien is not to benefit

Tell him you're going to the police if he doesn't return it now. All of it.