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Partner spent my money and lied

407 replies

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 08:20

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

OP posts:
IberianBlackout · 11/06/2025 10:39

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:19

I've known him for 15 years. He's let me down so many times and I've lost trust in him but decided to give him the benefit of doubt to prove to me wrong but I guess I have to learn the hard way. I can't even tell my siblings because they will call me stupid.

of all things, you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt with your children’s money??

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/06/2025 10:38

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:35

I don't think he has any shame to be honest because this one time i gave him the chance to prove to me he can be honest and he has let me down again. He lied from the get go when I asked him to send the money to the kids newly opened accounts.

Ok, then demanding he transfer the balance now “or else” or getting your siblings involved isn’t going to move the needle.

I would still advise playing a long game here. I know you’re not currently speaking, but a little sweetly voiced phone call saying you’re sorry and he did a great investment decision and you can see that now blah blah blah. Then the bait of “once the children are made whole, let’s invest with some squirrelled away fund I have coming to me soon”

And you’ll be better off alone, regardless of the children’s’ ages. Look at the aggro this guy causes you. Your life will be so much easier without him.

TheignT · 11/06/2025 10:38

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:19

I've known him for 15 years. He's let me down so many times and I've lost trust in him but decided to give him the benefit of doubt to prove to me wrong but I guess I have to learn the hard way. I can't even tell my siblings because they will call me stupid.

So he's let you down many times, you've lost faith in him but you've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt with money that doesn't belong to you. People might say you're stupid but you were savvy enough to not give him your money.

cannynotsay · 11/06/2025 10:38

Why are you being such a push over, get the £2k off him.

use your own back for anything ever again!! This is ridiculous cut him out of your life after this!

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:37

Popsicle1981 · 11/06/2025 10:34

Actually you have your children and the gumption to get their money back for them. This shows that when push comes to shove, you CAN make good decisions (which he can’t).

I suffer from severe health anxiety and when I'm panicking I need someone to vent to and im scared I will struggle if im by myself. The kids are very young.

OP posts:
Farmwifefarmlife · 11/06/2025 10:36

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:19

I've known him for 15 years. He's let me down so many times and I've lost trust in him but decided to give him the benefit of doubt to prove to me wrong but I guess I have to learn the hard way. I can't even tell my siblings because they will call me stupid.

I’d be demanding the 2k back! If it’s in his account why can’t he send it you! I’d be furious

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 11/06/2025 10:35

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 11/06/2025 10:33

I think if there are messages where he is alluding to the fact he knows it’s not his and the agreement is noted in there then these would be admissible. NAL though!

Edited

Yes, that’s a good point.

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:35

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/06/2025 10:29

Please stop spouting inaccuracies and RTFT. It is theft. It meets the legal definition no problem. Practically is he going to get arrested for theft? No. Police won’t care.

OP, when he refuses to give the full 5k back, is it a one word hostile answer or some flowery waffle? I’m trying to gauge if he does not give a shit and fears no consequence or if he has some shame/fear.

I don't think he has any shame to be honest because this one time i gave him the chance to prove to me he can be honest and he has let me down again. He lied from the get go when I asked him to send the money to the kids newly opened accounts.

OP posts:
Popsicle1981 · 11/06/2025 10:34

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:32

I've put up with a lot. Cheating, lies, gaslighting etc but I always forgive him. To be honest, I have anxiety and don't have anyone apart from him so I always allow him back. No support system.

Actually you have your children and the gumption to get their money back for them. This shows that when push comes to shove, you CAN make good decisions (which he can’t).

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 11/06/2025 10:33

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 11/06/2025 10:33

Theft is a criminal offence, but you’d need to have clear evidence to provide to the police and it doesn’t seem like you do if the agreement is verbal. Simply suggesting it’s unlikely that someone would gift that amount to a partner would not be sufficient,

Similarly, even in the small claims court, you’d need to prove that it wasn’t a gift but a loan, and it sounds like you will find this tricky, especially as he is someone close to you - they tend to want clear evidence in cases involving money between family or friends.

I think if there are messages where he is alluding to the fact he knows it’s not his and the agreement is noted in there then these would be admissible. NAL though!

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 11/06/2025 10:33

Theft is a criminal offence, but you’d need to have clear evidence to provide to the police and it doesn’t seem like you do if the agreement is verbal. Simply suggesting it’s unlikely that someone would gift that amount to a partner would not be sufficient,

Similarly, even in the small claims court, you’d need to prove that it wasn’t a gift but a loan, and it sounds like you will find this tricky, especially as he is someone close to you - they tend to want clear evidence in cases involving money between family or friends.

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 11/06/2025 10:32

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:13

No. I'm not on benefits so don't need to hide it from the authorities. I tried to get a high interest savings but was denied. I trusted him keep it for the mean time till I sorted an account in their own names. It wasn't a loan. I verbally told him to save it for me and there was proof of transactions. Also I told him to send the remaining £2000 to my child's account but he said no. He said he's waiting for the £3000 so he can add to the ££2000 to give it back.

Tell him no fucking way. He needs to give you what he has now or you are calling the police (worth using the threat even if we think nothing will happen) as he’s proved he can’t be trusted. Suspect you won’t be getting any of it back.

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:32

teenmaw · 11/06/2025 10:27

By not talking to him I hope you mean dumped him. This man is no partner. Whether he intends to pay it back or not he’s stolen from your children. This man has not place in your life but more importantly, for the love of god why would you subject your family to him? You say he’s been shit previously, I dread to think what you’ve put up with until now. Please find it in yourself to shed this cretin.

I've put up with a lot. Cheating, lies, gaslighting etc but I always forgive him. To be honest, I have anxiety and don't have anyone apart from him so I always allow him back. No support system.

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 11/06/2025 10:32

teenmaw · 11/06/2025 10:29

@Whyherewego I completely disagree, he knew the money wasn’t given to him, he knew it didn’t belong to him, he knew it wasn’t available to spend. He has absolutely stolen it. They are clearly not old enough to be in charge of the money themselves or they’d have it, it was entrusted to this adult, who has abused that trust. It’s blatant theft from the children.

Morally 100pc agree
In law without anything in writing it will be hard to prove and enforce.
So OP needs to tread carefully to ensure she gets as much as possible back is my view

Popsicle1981 · 11/06/2025 10:31

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:28

Exactly my point! He didn't even tell me and when I asked for the money he lied and said he hasn't touched it and he will give it back when he's ready.

The reality is that for many people, a few thousand quid idling in an account is just too tempting. The risk is higher for men. To give you an example, when the government introduced child benefit, it was originally paid to the main earner (the man). However studies showed that the money didn’t benefit the children. When the system changed to pay it to the mother, it was spent on children (not the pub, or gambling).

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/06/2025 10:31

Maybe @mylovedoesitgood can slink back and tell me why her legal qualifications are better and how it’s not theft?

teenmaw · 11/06/2025 10:29

@Whyherewego I completely disagree, he knew the money wasn’t given to him, he knew it didn’t belong to him, he knew it wasn’t available to spend. He has absolutely stolen it. They are clearly not old enough to be in charge of the money themselves or they’d have it, it was entrusted to this adult, who has abused that trust. It’s blatant theft from the children.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/06/2025 10:29

Whyherewego · 11/06/2025 10:26

But it's not theft unfortunately
She transferred the money to him and unless theres anything in writing then she's not got a leg to stand on

Please stop spouting inaccuracies and RTFT. It is theft. It meets the legal definition no problem. Practically is he going to get arrested for theft? No. Police won’t care.

OP, when he refuses to give the full 5k back, is it a one word hostile answer or some flowery waffle? I’m trying to gauge if he does not give a shit and fears no consequence or if he has some shame/fear.

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:28

Namerequired · 11/06/2025 10:24

What reason has he for not sending the £2000 now? That’s more dodgy than anything. Insist it comes back immediately and then work on the last 3000. Why would he give someone else’s money to a friend to invest? How dare he! Did you get any interest paid?
I would tell your siblings and get them to tell him to put it back, it might shame him into it.
The relationship would be over for sure.

Exactly my point! He didn't even tell me and when I asked for the money he lied and said he hasn't touched it and he will give it back when he's ready.

OP posts:
Moonlightexpress · 11/06/2025 10:27

EggnogNoggin · 11/06/2025 08:33

Can we stop the pile on? "You've been stupid" etc. This narrative is exactly why victims keep quiet.

Her "stupid" doesn't excuse his theft.

Exactly and to be fair to op this is her partner not some stranger or scam as some have said. Op couldn't have known this would happen.

Popsicle1981 · 11/06/2025 10:27

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/06/2025 10:25

And you gave this man your children’s inheritance money? Jeez. Dump him for starters. Demand money back with a date for return. Instigate small claims court if not received. Don’t expect to get it all back - he’s spent it. Learn from this.

If the OP is the executor of the will, she is liable, not him.

teenmaw · 11/06/2025 10:27

By not talking to him I hope you mean dumped him. This man is no partner. Whether he intends to pay it back or not he’s stolen from your children. This man has not place in your life but more importantly, for the love of god why would you subject your family to him? You say he’s been shit previously, I dread to think what you’ve put up with until now. Please find it in yourself to shed this cretin.

Lilly1812 · 11/06/2025 10:26

Namerequired · 11/06/2025 10:24

What reason has he for not sending the £2000 now? That’s more dodgy than anything. Insist it comes back immediately and then work on the last 3000. Why would he give someone else’s money to a friend to invest? How dare he! Did you get any interest paid?
I would tell your siblings and get them to tell him to put it back, it might shame him into it.
The relationship would be over for sure.

He said he wants to make it complete before sending it to my child's account. Unfortunately I've asked him to send the 2k and add the 3k when he gets it but he said no.

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 11/06/2025 10:26

EggnogNoggin · 11/06/2025 08:33

Can we stop the pile on? "You've been stupid" etc. This narrative is exactly why victims keep quiet.

Her "stupid" doesn't excuse his theft.

But it's not theft unfortunately
She transferred the money to him and unless theres anything in writing then she's not got a leg to stand on

Popsicle1981 · 11/06/2025 10:26

Popsicle1981 · 11/06/2025 10:21

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. You used other peoples’ money so you could give him ‘the benefit of the doubt’,

The extra monies from a higher interest rate will be marginal in the time it takes to set up accounts in your children’s names.

But here we are now. I recommned setting up Junior ISAs which will keep the money protected until they are 18 https://www.gov.uk/junior-individual-savings-accounts

Given your partner’s behaviour I am worried about a couple of things. Firstly, if he does send the money to you, he may ask for it again should he have another ‘bright idea’ about an investment, or his car insurance is due, or something like that. This is why a junior ISA would be ideal - it protects you and your children.

Further, I am concerned about the level of trust you place in your partner (it’s clearly too high), and potentially some lack of financial and legal awareness on your part. If the money promised in a will disappears, it is you not your partner who could be sued, since you were expected to look after the money. I also do not think the executor of the will acted appropriately - accounts in the children’s names should’ve been set up from the outset.

I think it’s best to keep pushing for that 2k rather than wait on a promise of the original 5k and then press on from there.

Actually I’ve now read we’re talking about 15k, not 5k.

Good job getting 10k back and keep pursuing the 2k. Get that money in the children’s names, locked away till they’re 18, asap.

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