Partner spent my money and lied

But you didn’t send it to someone who wasn’t actually the beneficiary I’m guessing?? As that goes totally against what you’ve agreed to do as executor and anyone you’ve impacted has recourse against you for their losses.

After reading this thread, and looking at another, I am going to set aside now the issue with the money.
Because the real issue is losing your mum, how she died, and your anxiety around why she died.
It is an awful loss, but you are now at a point where you thinking you are also going to die soon and are concerned about what happens to your children.
You are then placing your life in the hands of a man who would not care you for you if you were ill, nor is interested in your children’s welfare.
It is clouding your judgement and I’m going to blunt, it is ruining the life you do have.
You are not ill and you have many more years to go. You have gorgeous children and a family I am sure would welcome you back if you let them. You are not alone.
Often when we are grieving we fixate over another problem to bury the real problem.
You have been with this man all of your adult life and he is abusing you. If you could sit on a park bench with you for an hour with your mum, to talk, what would she advise you to do?
She did not bring you up to have you treated like this. She would be devastated to know that you feel so low.
All is not lost. You have a future, you have your children, you have your own family.
I am sure your mum was very brave.
Time to dig deep, because you have that bravery in you and you can fight an easier battle than your mum had.
It is time to set yourself free. Yes, the loss of this money is important, but you and your children matter more.
Personally, I would walk away. You can argue over it, or accept that there is £10,000 for your kids.
He has stolen from your children’s future. You can battle with him, get the police involved if you so wish. But the stress of that won’t help.
If you start again, you can replace that money over time even if it takes a good long while. But you will have done it without negotiating with this lowlife of a human.
You will have to work hard to regain the trust of your siblings but it can be done. They have also lost their mum, and feel like they’ve lost their sister.
Give yourself the gift of your own life back. Find the strength in you that your mum had. Your health will be strengthened by having your own life.
Waiting around for this man to care is a waste of your precious existence, and you deserve more.

OP, please can I ask, how you got him to give the £10,000 back?

Why on earth would you give someone mon̈ey to keep in their account to earn a little more interest? I would only do this with close family- DH, DC, DM.

This is an awful idea. Her partner could easily go to police himself and tell them she logged in without consent to take money, OP could get done for fraud.

@Lilly1812 can you get onto his internet banking and transfer the 2k to yourself? I think you are going to have to write off the remaining 3k as I also think he has gambled it away, but you may need to just draw a line under this, kick him out, and move on. At least you have the rest of the money back.

Op already confirmed he is their dad.

Op I think it might be easier to say good bye to the money if you need him more than he needs you. If you cant live without him then let him have the money and pay it back to your kids through your wages

Op, you need to get this scumbag out if your life.

He has stolen from his own kids!!

I don’t think they are his children. Just OP’s

OP, while you thought he would protect the money because it is for his beloved children, he clearly decided that he has a right to make decisions about his kids’ money.

Keep calm but firm until you get all the money back. When he makes excuses say his problems are not your concern, ask him what his plan is to ensure he gets their money by the end of the month.

Then you can start to think about what to do next.

He is gaslighting you and controlling you by telling you no one else will have you blah blah.

My strong guess is that you would actually feel calmer and stronger without him messing with your head and causing so much uncertainty and instability.

One step at a time.

Yep. It’s awful but essentially her partner could and will likely just say it was a gift. He has form for poor behaviour in the past according to OP. If they had a written agreement or better yet a legal one she’d be able to take it to small claims court. If he’d hacked her account to take the money the police would investigate. But she has taken it out of her own free will and sent it to him. The police can’t legally do anything if he’s pissed it up the wall rather than mind it for her.

This is the crux of it, surely, on a practical level? What are the police going to ask for first of all? Proof of the theft, and OP has none.

so you know your advice wasn’t correct then. If OP had a written agreement she’d have a leg to stand on with the law. Unfortunately in this case she does not.

🙄

OP, you know where to find me. Best of luck.

But legally she wouldn’t get anywhere as they have no written agreement of him having to paying her back. He could just say it was a gift. No evidence otherwise.

nowhere did I say OP stole the cash. She took it from her kids account however this is allowed as she has access.

But he hasn’t committed a crime? He’s refused to pay back money she lent him but there was no written agreement. He’s not broke the law

Ah great then he goes to police saying he’s being threatened by OP and her friend while lying that OP gave him it a gift. Would be playing straight into his hands.

If it was me I'd be getting a big burly male friend to stand over him until he sends the £2k back. Assuming you have evidence of the £3k belonging to the kids and why you sent it to him then you need to photograph all of that now in case he deletes messages. Take him to small claims court for the rest. Then dump him and throw him out he's a waste of space who puts himself first. If you ditch him you WILL get your family back. Be brave. Do it for your kids.

For two reasons:

1. to show the OP that she is indeed his victim. Her own husband has committed a crime against her and their children. That’s super serious. It’s objectively a crime, so she doesn’t have to believe his dribbling on when he inevitably minimises it. She’s his victim and she needs to leave him. This is very serious etc.

2. and so that when he blames her and calls her all the derogatory and condescending names he likely calls her that has got her into this position that she describes his CRIME as “spending”, she will KNOW he is wrong and he is gaslighting her, and that MAYBE he’s been gaslighting her about a lot of other stuff for a very long time.

The issue of theft is important for the OP’s sake at realising the reality of wtf has been going on. Everyone’s been yelling “leave him!” that maybe establishing he’s committed a crime against his own family will move the needle.

Some of us now understand the legal definition of theft in this context. But what good is it at this point in the thread disagreeing on terms and definitions? It doesn’t help OP.

I’m going to explain this for the last time and then bow out. OP, message me if you have any legal questions and I’ll be happy to help.

He STOLE the money as soon as he APPROPRIATED it. That means to say: when he treated it like his own and spent it. OP never said “go spend it” to him. She only permitted him to keep it in the account.

OP never “stole” the money either because she lacks the mens rea for theft (she has not acted “dishonestly”).

No cut in benefits because OP isn’t on any benefits. Maybe read the updates before being snotty and judgemental.