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Original poster

To not want DH dad and sister to come to the zoo.

188 replies

Sulking · 11/06/2025 07:34

I know this is going to be controversial.

But me, DH and the kids have always had the tradition of going for a family day out to the zoo on the same weekend every year. My parents took me and my siblings to the same zoo every year growing up and even into our teens/adult lives until we had families of our own we started taking our own families.

anyway; one year DH invited his dad and sister and I thought yes that’s fine, one year every so often won’t bother me..

ever since, they’ve asked which day we’re going and will come with us; I did say last year to DH that the next time I would like to go just as our family again as I feel like it’s not our day anymore. The kids end up going off with DH sister and it just doesn’t feel the same.

Come to this year; they’ve asked again what day we’ll be going. DH doesn’t want to say anything and feel awkward now; and so do I.. but I just want us to have that special day of just us back again. I’m not saying they can’t come again another year but I feel like they’ve intruded into our families day 😅

DH dad and sister come to our house nearly every weekend at some point for a catch up and coffee. So it’s not as if we never see them. We arrange other days out through the year with them so it’s not as if I’m trying to not see DH family. But I just want this day for us without them, but it makes me feel like I’m being a cow. I can’t explain it.

OP posts:
CanOfMangoTango · 11/06/2025 08:33

It's been 4 years, you can't uninvite them now.

You caused this awkwardness by not using your words the first time and asking your DH not to invite them again.

It's now a tradition that you go with Aunty and Granddad I'm afraid.

Mischance · 11/06/2025 08:32

Gosh - I do think you are making too much of this! You are a big girl now! - they are doing you and the chidlren no harm, families are important, they look forward to it. Just go with the flow. If you ask your OH to say something it is putting him in a very uncomfortable position. Do not do that to him.

Unless these are people you really do not get on with or they are a bad influence on your children in some way there is absolutely no reason to risk causing a rift over such a silly thing.

Deluxecoffee · 11/06/2025 08:30

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BIossomtoes · 11/06/2025 08:30

What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why grandpa and auntie aren’t coming? If it’s a family thing put it to the vote and ask your kids what they want.

Deluxecoffee · 11/06/2025 08:30

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senua · 11/06/2025 08:28

BethDuttonYeHaw · 11/06/2025 08:20

Four years into this - they are part of your tradition now.

This.
Why can't your definition of "family" include grandparent and aunt?

Glowingup · 11/06/2025 08:28

Indianajet · 11/06/2025 08:25

To me it sounds ridiculous to upset and offend in-laws you get on with over this. So many people don't like their in-laws - you do, so think about whether you want to spoil a good relationship.

Yeah, this. I genuinely can’t imagine that it ruins the day if they are there. Just grow up and get on with it.

Didimum · 11/06/2025 08:27

Have your DH make up some white. That he’s been struggling to connect with you and kids lately due to stress at work, blah blah. That he’d prefer to have the quality time with you and kids on that day. Then invite them to something additional.

Cabbageheads · 11/06/2025 08:27

Sulking · 11/06/2025 07:44

So, there’s a specific event on a specific weekend, which is why we go on the same weekend every year. So we can’t really go twice because it won’t be on.

but I do agree, and as mentioned in the OG post we do have other days out with them and I suggested to DH that we go somewhere else with them the following weekend instead but they’re continuing to ask which day we’re going to the zoo. I don’t want to be mean to them but they can go by themselves if they actually enjoy the event. But they’ve said in previous years they won’t go if we don’t.. so I’m a bit put out by it now 😫

Use your words, say it is for your family unit only, and trust that they can cope with their disappointment. Trust yourself to cope with feeling guilty for five minutes.

What you're avoiding is the bad feeling you think you will experience if you have the conversation, but it's just a feeling, it will pass, probably faster than you imagine.

It's OK to have boundaries. You're allowed. It's a normal and healthy thing to do.

ilovesooty · 11/06/2025 08:26

You've let it go on for four years. You're going to have to effectively tell them they've actually been unwelcome all that time or just accept that your "tradition" has changed and try to adapt to that.

Indianajet · 11/06/2025 08:25

To me it sounds ridiculous to upset and offend in-laws you get on with over this. So many people don't like their in-laws - you do, so think about whether you want to spoil a good relationship.

pizzaHeart · 11/06/2025 08:23

4 years? It’s too late. I thought they went with you only once.

Chints · 11/06/2025 08:22

Your family day for the zoo is that particular weekend. They are asking when they're going, not insisting it's that weekend. Keep that special weekend for just your direct family, as it's a "your side" tradition, and arrange another day with them.

Glowingup · 11/06/2025 08:21

Swiftie1878 · 11/06/2025 08:19

Just give them a different date, and go to the zoo twice!

Show quote history

Exactly. If they have been asking what day you’re going then they clearly don’t even known when this special event is on so just say we’re going on the 14th of June or whatever and have your zoo day with them then and then go to the special event on your own.

I’m struggling to think of what sort of event at a zoo would be so amazing that you absolutely have to go to it every year.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 11/06/2025 08:20

Four years into this - they are part of your tradition now.

Swiftie1878 · 11/06/2025 08:19

Sulking · 11/06/2025 07:34

I know this is going to be controversial.

But me, DH and the kids have always had the tradition of going for a family day out to the zoo on the same weekend every year. My parents took me and my siblings to the same zoo every year growing up and even into our teens/adult lives until we had families of our own we started taking our own families.

anyway; one year DH invited his dad and sister and I thought yes that’s fine, one year every so often won’t bother me..

ever since, they’ve asked which day we’re going and will come with us; I did say last year to DH that the next time I would like to go just as our family again as I feel like it’s not our day anymore. The kids end up going off with DH sister and it just doesn’t feel the same.

Come to this year; they’ve asked again what day we’ll be going. DH doesn’t want to say anything and feel awkward now; and so do I.. but I just want us to have that special day of just us back again. I’m not saying they can’t come again another year but I feel like they’ve intruded into our families day 😅

DH dad and sister come to our house nearly every weekend at some point for a catch up and coffee. So it’s not as if we never see them. We arrange other days out through the year with them so it’s not as if I’m trying to not see DH family. But I just want this day for us without them, but it makes me feel like I’m being a cow. I can’t explain it.

Just give them a different date, and go to the zoo twice!

NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · 11/06/2025 08:18

B1anche · 11/06/2025 07:39

Can't you just go to the zoo by yourselves on a different day? Does it matter if you do two trips to the zoo each year?

This.
The zoo is open more than one day a year!

MissDoubleU · 11/06/2025 08:15

You’re not unreasonable to feel this way but either way you need to suck it up and just say, as nicely and gently as possible, that you really want this specific day to be just the two of you and your children. If they get offended that’s okay, it’s on them. Cushion it with another event to do together if it makes it easier.

”Look I’m sorry, I don’t want this to be weird but we really need a day together just ourselves and the kids and have been looking forward to this as that. It’s something special I did growing up with my parents and I just want to be able to enjoy it with DH and the kids as a unit. I don’t want you to think we don’t want to spend time with you too though. How about we all go to X or Y in the following weekend/Z date? I know we’d all really enjoy that too.”

Thing is, they would be absolutely unreasonable themselves to get pissy because you want to spend a day just with your husband and children.

Glowingup · 11/06/2025 08:15

If you can’t say it yourself then don’t expect your DH to tell them. If my DP wanted to exclude my family but didn’t want to say it himself and expected me to do it I’d tell him to fuck off. Either own it and explain you don’t want them to come or just let them come.

I honestly couldn’t get worked up about it. Maybe be grateful that you have close family who care about you and your kids - not everyone does. And your kids love them too - you’re the one who’s put out and at your age you should be able to deal with the fact that not everything goes your way 100% of the time. You sound a bit jealous that the kids go off with your SIL as well.

crumpet · 11/06/2025 08:06

Why have you let it get as far as 4 years in a row? You’ve effectively created a tradition!

If you want to stop it you can’t dance around the bush - be clear and be blunt so that there are no misunderstandings. But at the same time have a think about something you can do with them to create a new tradition.

Ladyymuck · 11/06/2025 08:05

Can you not just go to the zoo another day yourselves?

PrincessofHyrule · 11/06/2025 08:02

I feel for you! You are not wrong to feel this but if they have come with you 4 years running this is going to come like a bolt out of the blue.

I think best way to do it might be to try and substitute a tradition which is for them.. 'want to establish X as the DH family annual trip' and 'keep the zoo event just for us'.

I think it is likely they'll still think you are a bit precious.

BIossomtoes · 11/06/2025 07:59

If it’s four years it’s too late to change it now. It also sounds as if the rest of the family is happy for them to go and it’s just you who objects. I think you’re going to have to suck it up now and accept that it’s a different kind of day out. Will your kids still want to go if their grandad and auntie don’t?

Oneofthedays · 11/06/2025 07:54

I think it's fine for your husband to explain to his side that you're keeping this as a family day as you want to keep up the tradition from your own childhood. But I would suggest starting a new tradition with his dad and sister, could find another annual event that might suit?

Daisy12Maisie · 11/06/2025 07:51

I would just pick somewhere else for your family day and make that specific from the beginning it’s just for you, partner and kids. Eg go to the aquarium or wherever every September. I think it is a bit rude now to uninvite them.
What should have happened is when they asked initially you husband should have said no that is a special family thing for us but would you like to come with us to the aquarium (or wherever) in a few weekends time. I think the issue was letting them come once then it is no longer a thing for just you.