To not want DH dad and sister to come to the zoo.

Why can’t she, an adult, and the only one with a problem with the dad and sister coming, deal with it herself? How on earth has he let her down?

But he is quite happy to let you down

He is choosing to let you down though.

I would send the a text or email if you cant do in person.

Hi Emily, sorry I havent explained this earlier but this zoo trip is a special one as its a tradition of my family, my parents and my siblings and we like to do that on our own. We dont mind you coming along once in a while not want to do it on our own most years. I am sure you understand. Thanks.

I think this too. We used to go to Blackpool every year to watch the lights switch on (I know, cheesy!) and some of the best memories I have are when my grandparents, aunties and uncles and cousins came along!

It was lovely with my mum and dad too but we spent pretty much all our time together anyway so when others came along it just made it more fun. Plus I absolutely adored my aunty and she would take me on all the big rides and buy me as many sweets as I wanted 😊

Agreed! But if the OP is determined that having two additional family members present at an annual event at the zoo is wrecking her nuclear family tradition, and she's the only one who doesn't want them there, it's on her to speak, if she wants to prevent a recurrence.

But I agree with you. If everyone else going actually prefers it when the extra two people are present, then I'd go with that, and enjoy the fact that they're enjoying it.

It must be awful having relatives who want to join in with your family time.

@sulkingone day you may be the grandparent in this situation. Would you be hurt to not be included in your grandchildren’s day out as you’re not the right family.

I don’t get, it’s still a family day just with more family. You are still doing it every year, it’s still a tradition except new people have joined it.

if you didn’t want to go down this route you needed to say something 3 years ago, not now.

It’s four years in so I think they are part of the new tradition.

Maybe pick something else for your family.

Go twice.
Once with them, once without.
This is a non issue.

It’s a shame (if you get on with them) that you so badly don’t want to include them. If it really is the be all and end all then you need to be the one to tell them. I think you’re reluctant to do this because you know deep down that it is rather mean spirited.

But if this really is make or break then you need to man up and tell them.

Has she lost her day though? Is it really so terrible if two loved additional family members are there for it and the kids are having fun? Does it ruin it somehow? Realistically the kids probably prefer it with the additional family whereas for OP it’s the opposite. But it’s ridiculous for the OP to make out that the day is now ruined.

Can’t you just say “oh sorry but we’re just going to go on our own this year but do you fancy doing (whatever) on this day with us?”. And then arrange another day out.

Mix it up each year so that nothing becomes a “tradition”.

Get a grip. Life is for making new memories, not desperately holding on to old ones. One day your children will be in your shoes and you will love to be invited to their ‘traditions’. Before you know it, you’ll be the one being told not to come, so treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself.

It sounds like you're the only person that would have a better experience with them not there. And after 4 years it's now an established extended family day out. I think you'll cause a lot of upset for very little benefit if you now exclude them. It's frustrating OP but it's the price you pay for good relationships with inlaws. You can't just pick them up and drop them as it suits you.

I feel a bit sorry for all of you how this has developed.

You’ve lost your day, I can relate, it sucks.

But…you said yes four years ago, it’s gone on for four years. It’s now THEIR family day too, they look forward to special time with you and your kids, even if they need to check the date, it clearly matters to them, and like it or not, you and your DH allowed this to develop.

I think your stuck with it at this point it would take a very awkward conversation tiptoeing around directly saying “we don’t want you on a family day” which is hard to say and hear at any time.

Find another event for you and yours, a new annual tradition that’s just for your little family, any beaches, fireworks displays, festivals at all that you loved with your parents as a kid? I’m sure there’s something, and you’ll end up with Two special days!

…or alternatively don’t speak up.

Families grow and evolve. As long as they are having fun why does it honestly matter?

You're the only one who doesn't want them there, OP, therefore you are the one who needs to speak up. You decide whether it's worth the discomfort of addressing it or whether you'll find it less distressing to accept that this trip has become a wider family 'tradition'. And, either way, see it as a lesson in not weakly letting things go for several years and resenting people for not being psychic about things you haven't told them.

Wrong way round. Start a new tradition without them.

Don't mention the Zoo, look for something else you all would enjoy, "oh look what I saw, how do you fancy a day out here?"
If the Zoo then gets mentioned again I'd say i thought since we're all going to x day out we'd just have a day at the zoo ourselves.

What do your children want? Do they want to be just you four, or do they want grandad and auntie to be there too?

If the zoo has a special event, is it just one day or several days? If it’s only one day then the in-laws will be able to find out the date anyway!

If this tradition is so important to you, it should have been shut down the first year and at worst, the second year.

I don’t get it - what’s so special about the day at the zoo that you need to exclude them ? As a family day I would have thought the tradition of them coming made it more special rather than less especially as you say you like them . But then I don’t understand this thing about “special “ time - you are likely with your children 365 days of the year .. why is time at the zoo more “special “ .

What if you sent them without you and picked something else for an immediate family only day? Appreciate they’ve changed the vibe from what you pictured but after 4 years of this your kids won’t even remember it being any other way. If it’s not important enough for either you or your husband to bring up then just make your peace with it.

Which is why she should have dealt with it and spoken up four years ago. She's allowed it to drift along and now probably has to accept that things have changed. Any attempt to fudge it or not being transparent just kicks the problem down the road.

That's really mean. Why would you lie to family who you love and (apparently) have a good relationship with? If they found out (which in today's world is pretty likely!) then they would be so upset and wonder why they've been excluded.

I don't understand this at all tbh. As I said in another post, if your kids love spending the day with their Grandad and Aunty and your husband enjoys it, you seem a bit miserable to be the one putting a stop to it.

Just start a new tradition.

Do you really need to say it op?

Surely the point is your Dc have the fun of the day.

Lots of children grow up without extended family or with conflict in the family. Would it not be better to just embrace them coming and not make it a negative situation? You can start another tradition and this time not tell them. There are lots of fun things you can make annual events; I don’t really understand the need to feel so territorial about this particular outing.

I’d just be glad your Dc have interested family.