To not want DH dad and sister to come to the zoo.

I hear you, I mean OP lost what she thought she had to something new. Totally agree it can be embraced, made as special for everyone and become something wonderful.

But it isn’t what she had and as what OP had changed, it feels like something’s lost. That’s why I think a second event would be good, then it’s a gain!

You’ve let it go on too long to now say it’s a problem! I’d suck it up and find a different outing/event that’s just for your family. Just don’t make the mistake of inviting anybody else, even for a one off!

There are another 364 - and that’s just this year.

What, so this is the only day out of 365 days that the OP gets to spend time with her kids?!

Come on 😂

I’m pretty sure they have plenty of days on their own with their kids…..

Um, have you ever heard of a thing called the internet and / or google?

What a ridiculous - and cruel - suggestion.

I think you’re getting a hard time here, OP. My in-laws are perfectly nice people, but having them come along on a day out completely changes the dynamic of the trip, and turns it from a fun, relaxed time into a chore. Not because of anything specific they do, but just because I don’t enjoy their company. So I get why this is a problem for you. I’m not sure what the answer is, though.

It really is.

As a child I would have loved to have spent time with my own family but after my mother invited all and sundry to anything we were meant to go on our own I got used to the fact that it was never going to happen. Eventually rest of the family took over and anything that I wanted to do was out voted

One of the myriad of reasons I haven’t spoken to any of them for 40 years

Tell them it's not on so you're not going.

They have plenty of other times to treasure with the FIL and SIL.

What’s the point of motherhood if you can’t even have a day on your own with the kids?

I understand your dilemma. Personally I’m too much of a people pleaser and I don’t think I’d say anything. I don’t think I’d be able to fully enjoy the family day if I knew I’d upset people. Is it worth it?

I think I’d probably just accept it and try to start a new tradition of something you do with just your family (and not tell them about it!)

I think you should think about this from your children’s point of view. They will treasure this tradition with all of THEIR family. They might be your in-laws but they are your children’s family.

Think what a lovely tradition you are creating for them. In fact I would go one further and invite your dad and sister if they are still around too.

Do your kids mind if they are there? If not I’d just let them come, as the kids will have nice memories of them.
I do get it, and it’s nice to want family traditions. Ones of ours is a food festival, and that has turned into a whole family thing and I kind of love it.
Do his dad and sister come with you or drive separately, as you could say kids are bringing friends so no room in the car?

Stand up for yourself! 'We're doing the event weekend with just the four of us this year, but do you fancy going to the zoo again later this year?'

There's nothing wrong with changing your mind, don't be a doormat!

How anyone could get upset that Grandad and Aunty want to come along on a family day out, is beyond me.

It’s not “your special day” it’s a Zoo, a public space, surrounded by hundreds of other people. You want to enforce your family traditions, as the exclusion of DHs family.

This is about you reliving your childhood, not about what your children or other people might want.

Bizzare

You made a rod for your own back by inviting them the first time. Would be mean and odd to exclude them when you are fully aware they enjoyed it. I think you need to get over your self a bit.

Try to embrace the fact that they loved it too and loved being with your family. Maybe your kids even loved it a bit more with them there.

Life is too short for being mean

Well she can tell them herself then can’t she. Rather than her DH having to pretend he doesn’t want them there either when he does. I’d be very angry if my DP expected me to do this because he had some non-reason for not wanting my family around. Or if I did then I’d say he was the one with an issue not me.

I was going to say just tell them its your tradition, you can do something else with them - but given your update that they've come the last four years I've changed my mind, its too late now, its morphed into a "whole extended family" tradition. They probably will be upset if you effectively uninvite them from something that in their mind you've done happily for the last half decade!

Your kids probably don't even remember the original trip was just your immediate family - to them the whole family outing is the tradition!* *

Tbh given you've been doing it for multiple years i imagine you haven't got long until your dc get too old to want to go on the special family day, at least if their cousins are there and they've got someone to hang out with they might be more willing to come.

If it's really important to you, just take them on a different day, and go just the four of you on the special event day. If they can't even be bothered to look at the website to work out when the special event is, they don't really care if it's on or not and just want to go to the zoo with you all.

But really, you're being a bit rigid about this. You don't have to impose your version of "how things should be" onto everyone else. You can enjoy your childhood memories, and enjoy the family you have now, with everyone that includes. It doesn't have to be exactly the same to be good. Maybe little you would have loved to have a nice auntie and grandpa along too, and you didn't have that option. That doesn't make it wrong.

It’s not dirty work.

OP sees her fil and sil every week and they come out on plenty of days out.

OP is one of the two parents rearing these kids and is allowed to want to have a special family day out once a year.

Um yeah with good reason. He wants them to come. She doesn’t. If my DP wanted to exclude my sister and wanted me to do his dirty work I’d tell him where to go.

Too late OP.
Eta: four years in, the tradition your DC will remember is with extra family members present. If you now insist they stay away, you are spoiling the tradition that your children know and will treasure.

Because they’re his dad and sister. It’s fairly common for spouses to deal with these issues when it’s originating from their family, otherwise it makes the other spouse look bad.

I’m all for traditions - they can be a really nice way of bonding as a family. But they’re not sent down as divine edicts - and so things will naturally change over time. I really think you’re overthinking this one - and are risking really good family relationships for the sake of a rigid “tradition” that you’re imposing. It sounds like the kids like their GF and aunt to go too - in which case, your tradition has evolved over time to be something bigger and better for your kids. I’d try to see it like that and look for something else as a “just us” thing. It also strikes me that having grandparents involved makes it more likely that you’ll be included in the future should your kids decide to continue it with their own kids! Embrace the change…..

I like the zoo but twice in a year is too much. Most of the kids in our wider family get bored at the soo after while. I can see why OP doesn’t want to do two days.