To not want DH dad and sister to come to the zoo.

So thankful to you to waking up to have your own family around you.
They are the outer family to you all. Consider to what you want moving forward.

Totally reasonable that you’d rather they didn’t go. But it’s about weighing up whether this is a battle worth picking. If this has the potential to hurt and alienate lovely family members then maybe not and you need to suck it up. If there are wider issues, maybe this is a way to start instilling some boundaries.
FWIW though, family traditions are lovely but can also be a rod for your own back trying to create the perfect day / celebration etc.

Just read the effing thread, or even just the latest four posts. Surely that's an obvious thing to do.

So, there’s a specific event on a specific weekend, which is why we go on the same weekend every year. So we can’t really go twice because it won’t be on.

@Sulking do they know about the specific "thing"? If they don't then just lie and tell them you've already been or you're not bothering this year.
If they're ok to do it, maybe suggest they take the kids separately at some point?

Every family has their own traditions.

How would you like it if we told you the way you do Christmas Day mornings is wrong?

Pretty sure OP has told you that the FIL and SIL see the kids every week and have plenty of days out.

This is a day for OP to take her kids to the zoo.

She is allowed that.

Pretty sure OP has told you that the FIL and SIL see the kids every week and have plenty of days out.

This is a day for OP to take her kids to the zoo.

She is allowed that.

Well, yes, that's an option. So is mine. OP, may choose at her leisure and I am sure a variety of suggestions is what she was looking for.

But for what it's worth, sometimes a family tradition is "precious", it only being a few hours out of an entire year only making it more precious, and there's nothing wrong with wishing to keep it that way.

Pretty sure OP has told you that the FIL and SIL see the kids every week and have plenty of days out.

This is a day for OP to take her kids to the zoo.

She is allowed that.

What would "save their feelings" even more is just letting them come along on the trip and not being so precious about a few hours out of a whole year.

Of course I have, but since they keep asking OP when she is going, instead of looking up when the event is, I doubt they are going to start now.

And it's not cruel, it saves their feelings.

Ridiculous responses saying it’s been four years so you just have to suck it up, couldn’t possibly change it and it’s their tradition now, not yours. What if it was four years of your in-laws joining your family holiday or insisting on doing Christmas Day their way in their home? Everyone would be saying you’re fine to change it up and choose to do something just with your immediate family - and that the relatives would be unreasonable to be upset or offended by that.

You say your DH invited them the first time, and it seems from what you wrote that he did so without consulting you first - it’s not like you had a chance to stop it happening then anyway but even so, you shouldn’t have to put up with it now for all eternity. Your husband should address it with his family as he’s the one that caused this issue it to begin with!

It’s an experience that is precious to you because it’s a special day with your husband and children. You don’t need to feel guilty about that or have compromise in a way that negatively affects the experience for you.

Wish I had this problem! Family far away and not
too bothered. We have days all the time as a four, my children often look wistfully at families out with grandparents. If your kids enjoy their company and like them being there on the day. This is your thing you’re carrying that you kind of need to get over. Feels like you are almost finding a problem when there isn’t one? Family movie night after the zoo or another tradition at home that’s held back for this special day - that will mean more to the children!

Just say “We aren’t sure if we can do the zoo weekend this year yet so how about you come round on the 10th for a bbq/how about we do the [insert alternative day out here] on the 15th”

Then sort out your “diary conflict” last minute and decide to just hop in the car and go to the zoo thing on a whim.

How old are the Dc op and how long have you been doing this?

After 4 years I'd think of this as the new family tradition. Few traditions survive an expanding family unchanged. At some point your children are going to ask to bring friends and then partners.

I would make it clearer to my children that you want to spend time with them and not have the disappearing with SIL too soon.

OP I’d either a) tell them you’re going this year by yourselves or b) just go without telling them

We do the same each year with our kids - this year DP wants to bring his grandma with us which I’ve said ok to as I am aware it might be a last trip for her 😬 I know this sounds awful, she’s a lovely lady but hard work for longer than a short visit. So slightly begrudgingly because I know the day will not be the easy fun day we usually have plus it’s possibly our last full family zoo trip too - our oldest turns 18 this year.

And the zoo has always been our special place - DP and I split a long time ago and it’s where we essentially reconciled our family (we are blended) so we have a family photo in the same place every year, and it’s just one of those lovely days we always have planned

We will have to go in 2 cars for a start so double the travel and parking plus travel collecting her and taking her home again, and she’s very elderly and infirm so we will likely have to stop for a rest often, which in a busy zoo on summer holidays isn’t always easy to find a spot for 7 people to frequently stop plus the kids will be way harder work - older kids don’t just have a rest and I’ll get a lot of ‘I’m bored!!’

Nothing will change unless you or DH say something. It sounds like he is going to cave so tell them together next time they visit.

"We loved the times with you at the zoo but we'd like to do that just the four of us and find a new tradition for all of us as a family. We thought about X or Y but would love to hear your ideas.."

And if they ask why just explain that it's a nostalgic thing from your own childhood and it's something you're trying to recreate with your children.

The fact its going on for four years wont make it easy. Going by what you had written, they kind of keep inviting themselves rather than ask if they can come? If so, its obviously harder for you to tell them you dont want them to come.

Well it sounds like OP does get on with them and tbh it’s going to cause big issues if they are told they are not welcome. I’d be upset if I was the dad or sister. Either I’d be mortified if it turned out I had been tolerated for the past four years but actually not wanted. Or I’d be concerned that something had changed to not make me welcome anymore. It’s one day and they sound nice, the kids love them so OP needs to suck it up.

It’s the only day out of the 365 days of the year that is the day she spent at the zoo with a particular event going on with her own parents

It’s like saying Christmas Day can be celebrated on 3rd October.
Its not the same

I agree - 4 years means it's the new tradition. I think you're not going to be able to do this without offending them.

Why?! Why would you deliberately sit at home on your own when the rest of a family is having a day out?! How petty!

The OP says they all get on well and the kids clearly adore their grandad and aunty?!

Your suggestion is awful and petty and will create such a bad atmosphere in the family and for what reason?

You have actually created a new tradition and it's one that your kids love. If you want to go around with your child rather than them going off with your SIL, that's fine, just say, "Wait for me!" and join in.

Five minutes on MN will show you that a lot of women don't have such nice in laws - make the most of it.

If children and dh wanted to go with fil and his sister then I would wave them good bye and tell dh that you will come with family when it is just him and dc