To not want DH dad and sister to come to the zoo.

Days out are expensive. It’s not fair on the dc that they need to keep pace with an elderly man.

I speak as someone who is carer to my elderly mum and love to take her on days out with my family and on holidays.

We wouldn’t take her to a theme park but something she will enjoy more, like the beach, a National Trust property, gardens etc.

Well we sometimes take our Dc to places like Gourmet Burger Club, GBK or Byron which are much more palatable than, say Burger King or McDonalds, both of which I find hard to stomach. I’d say, yes, in comparison they are posh. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you Google them I think you will see what I mean.

It’s not Claridges but would the Dc like that anyway?

@Calliopespa

is there such a thing as a “posh burger restaurant”?! Burgers are burgers.

Start a new tradition with them. A different zoo or something. This is not a problem.

I agree with this op.

You are lucky to have pleasant ILs who want to make an effort to enrich your DC’s lives.

Can’t you think of another lovely tradition - and tell DH this new one isn’t for sharing! A theatre day with lunch at a posh burger restaurant or similar? A national trust property with a wonderful playground and picnic and ice creams? A canal boat ride? There are so many options. Incidentally is this London zoo? The puppet barge is a short ride down the river.

Did anyone ask you?

Here's a thought - one day you will be old and widowed and this innocent piece of enjoyment, which is a tiny part of your life now will loom much larger in your life and bring great joy. Go with the flow and you will be teaching your children a valuable lesson in kindness and compassion as well as setting them a good example of how they might treat you when you are older.

As you sow, so shall ye reap ..........

What is your obsession with this? You’ve been told. The OP has said twice now that the kids want a fun day out with lots of loving around. They don’t get that either grandad. There are plenty of fun days out they can do with him which are more aimed towards sitting and moving less. The zoo is not the place for it, and the OP doesn’t want to go with them either.

Just ask them. You might be surprised.

The only thing I’d ask you to consider is how you think your kids might remember this in years to come.

you say your kids love their DGF and aunt. Maybe in years to come this will form a core memory for them of times spent in a family group.

Also - and I always think of this- if they do form lovely memories of time with their grandparent, maybe they will be more likely to invite YOU along to things when they are adults with their own kids.

if you quite like the idea of still going to the zoo with your kids in 30 years, maybe you should let grandad tag along now - set a precedent… 😂

“Sorry, this year we have decided to go just us, but I thought the kids would love a day at the aquarium, would you like to come ?”

then move on.

Is it because of the specific event they also want to go too? Maybe they enjoyed that event last time they want to now also visit when it's on?

In terms of FIL being slower, why can't you all go together and then split up. Maybe look at talk times or whatever and say you will meet them by a certain animal at a specific talk time. Or explain the children want to go to an activity which won't be that interesting for them, but you will meet up afterwards and will phone them to confirm where.

You can’t be sure. Nor can OP unless she actually asks them. The most sensible way of settling this would be to ask which option they prefer.

The kids want to run around at the zoo, OP already said that. But they have to spend a lot of it sitting down having coffees and drinks because grandad can’t manage the walking.

I’m sure the kids would rather do the zoo they way they want to do it, and then see grandad for an activity which actually involves a lot of sitting down.

Maybe the kids would prefer their grandad and aunt to be there. I wonder what they’d say if they were asked.

But you absolutely can ?? And it’s fine? A few of us have said so. Just say actually, this year you really want a day just as a family because you really need it and you’ll arrange something fun they will enjoy with them for another weekend. You just have to say it. It’s your bloody life, you don’t need to constantly accommodate other people because that’s just “the way it is” - do what you want. It’s not that hard. You see his dad and sister all the time and this is a day that should be about the kids where they aren’t forced to sit around while the adults have coffee and talk adult things. It’s the fucking zoo !

“We’re just going as a family of 4 this year; we really need it and since FiL struggled with the walking, we think we’ll do this and then left arrange a lovely day at insert another lovely place in a couple of week for all of us as that’s easier for him to walk around.”

It’s really not hard. Just send them a message. If they get shitty then just say, “I’m sorry but we want a family day just us 4 this time. We can all do another activity together so you’re not losing out. No one is; it’s just this activity is special for us and we want to go us 4 this year.”

Yes they are. I think it's obvious what I meant but if you want to be pedantic you could add immediate family!

Yes they are - but you don't have to live in each other's pockets. OP says she sees them quite a lot as it is. Seems like DH should have consulted OP first before launching in with the invite.... Ah, communication...

@sunnywithtsunamis

but they are family too though aren’t they

Can't see anything wrong with just telling them that, by tradition, this was a family day and you'd like to keep it that way but happy to meet up at other times and do something else.

As you say, it's not like you don't see them much.

Just tell them kindly that it you will bring they kids to the zoo just yourselves this year. As It was really nice that they liked going the last few year but that you didn't spend that much time with the children on the last few trips. You now want to go just by yourselves so you can concentrate on doing activities throughout the day with the children, while they are still young.
Maybe you could all on another day out somewhere else.

@aloris

sounds very petulant