18 yr old ds permanently at the kitchen table

Of course you are being unreasonable, hope they get into uni, so they can be around more like minded people.

I'm going to be unpopular here but I have 2 grandchildren above 20 so I'm qualified to comment.
These kids face the most expensive rates for rent, car insurance and even basic groceries.

So - if you haven't taught your kids about budgetting, how to cook etc, then you can't complain about them moving home

Sometimes being in a quiet place alone can make it hard to concentrate.

Weirdly I focus best in a tucked away corner of a busy warehouse! My formative professional years was being a data analyst in a manufacturing setting. I’ve now found ambient soundscapes complete with machinery and forklift beeping 😁 I also hate to feel closed away and need activity around me.

A levels are really hard and stressful. Perhaps he just wants people around him, and at least you know he’s working. It won’t kill your own little Gentileschi to paint somewhere else for a while.

It’s not that i mind him per se being at the table - it’s the stress on the household that these exams create and the kitchen table with all the “stuff” is kind of symbolic of that stress.

I had never heard of body doubling - interesting! I have thought in the past how my son has some mild adhd traits

Aww one day soon he won’t be at your kitchen table anymore. Make the most.

My son was like this for his GCSEs last summer - a month of his books, lap top, notes, flash cards all over the kitchen table despite him having a desk in his bedroom (unused) and also a downstairs study! As a result we all became drawn in to the revision - and stress. It’s not even like he did loads of work! Just sat there and pretended to work a lot of the time! Glad it’s over - until a levels next summer 🫠🫠😳

I can’t wait for them to be over too - just want my 18 year old to be chilled again and he wants a heavy sesh out with his mates !
He has worked hard and his stuff over my table is a small price to pay

I would just ask him why he doesn't study in his room. Maybe it was an idea to help him sort his room out. There may have been things he wasn't happy with. Position of his desk lack of space ect

My daughter is studying for her gcses and is happy revising in her bedroom. My son is at university and he too studies in his bedroom. Worth asking him but they are nearly over now I wish him luck.

I thought about the body doubling. I have ADHD I just did my exam. I'm retraining later in life. It's difficult. I sit with headphones in listening to different rain founds whilst either in a cafe or with my partner. I need people around. I may have autism alongside ADHD so I also struggle with noises. It's weird. I need the people around but the people get on my nerves after a while. It's difficult to navigate. Anyway I digress. I agree with the body doubling

I’ve just reclaimed our table after months of revising. It’s just a short phase.

You’re not being serious? The boy is trying his best to pass his exams and but still wants to feel like part of the family. That’s great. I had to do all my study at the kitchen table when I was doing exams - I didn’t have a desk or a spare room to use as a study. I didn’t see my mother huffing and puffing over it. In fact she was my biggest cheerleader. What on earth is wrong with you?

I WISH my son would a) do his homework so willingly and b) do it at the dining table where I can keep an eye on him, instead of in his room. Unfortunately, he needs a computer because all his homework is online so he uses his room or our office which is constantly in use.

This is only a short while and it will effect the reset of his life. Please just be patient, and supportive, it's almost the last stage where he will really need you before becoming more independent. You're coming across a bit petty and selfish over something that doesn't really matter when he needs you and is under lot of stress and worry.

I do think he can probably fetch his own meals though! 😄

I don’t think DC need to be completely excused from chores during exams as that’s not the real world.

I’m talking minimal things like clearing the dish washing - doesn’t seem a big ask if you’re working and doing the rest of the housework to have them carry on with some chores.

My DD did the same for her A levels.

Personally I didn't mind at all. Having a comfortable study place is for such a short time and so important for their future.

Her reasons were having a bigger table to have all her stuff out and food & drinks on tap without running up & down the stairs.

Is he expecting everyone to be quiet in the kitchen while he revises?

I wouldn’t mind the table being occupied- as pp say there are benefits in being able to see he is revising - but it would be impossible trying to keep quiet, not have conversations with other family members etc.

If I had to pick a problem to have, this would be a strong contender.

Why on earth is that a problem? Count your blessings!! Firstly he is revising, secondly he is not stuck in his room, thirdly you have visibility of what he's up to! Win, win, win!

I agree with this too. Whilst we all want to support our kids through exams and are proud of them for doing their best, we are humans too!

I’ve struggled with the feeling of having my feet nailed to the ground through the revision and exams time - ie not being able to go anywhere or do anything much as a family, or even very much alone or with younger DC, because of the need to keep things nice and calm and quiet for DD.

I’m a single parent and whilst exh is on the scene, DD opted to be with me permanently during revision and exam time to help her focus and be calm/ emotionally supported. I’m glad to be the parent she finds calm and supportive but it’s been tough emotionally!

I used to take over the kitchen table to revise. Desks just don’t cut it they’re too small with all the notes and revision resources etc.

In the end my parents put a big table for me in the lounge to revise at. Is this something you can do?

I do make lunches for dd most days if she’s at home at lunchtime around GCSE s. Not because I have to but to be nice.

But it helps that she’s a genuinely non-entitled considerate person that you want to do nice things for. If I thought/ think my kids are taking the piss in some way, then I might feel differently about bringing food.

DD will help when asked though- so yesterday I was working from the office, and asked her to put something into the oven when I was on my way back. So it’s a bit of give and take!

Does he have a desk in his room to use?

My dd has GCSEs now, and does sometimes use the kitchen or even garden table for a change of scene. But she’s intelligent enough to know that she can’t dominate the kitchen table at all times, and that the rest of the household also need to use it.

Also, the kitchen isn’t really a room that you can shut people out of/ say has to be kept silent for study. So it’s only an occasional change of scene place to study.

I occasionally go down to the kitchen table when wfh although I have a study, but again I wouldn’t expect that room kept quiet if others are in the house!

I mean, it’s great that he’s sat at the table revising but why are you bringing him food? Surely he’s not studying every second of the waking day?! He must be able to stop for loo/food breaks etc?
I certainly wouldn’t let him take up the whole table, especially as his sibling wants to use it too. Surely 50/50, or 70/30 if the younger sibling just wants to do colouring.