Not happy with husband’s new living arrangements

I am not assuming they are going to have an affair. As lovely as my husband is, I understand that not every woman will want to jump his bones.

It’s the familiarity and intimacy of watching tv and drinking wine that I am uncomfortable with. That’s how we spend our evenings! In any case, he agreed with me and would feel the same.

My husband has a new job in a different part of the country. He lives away from home during the week and comes home at weekends. Up until now he has been staying in hotels but now he has rented a room in a flat because he wanted a more settled base. All fine. My issue is that he has moved in with a single woman about the same age as us. They are eating together and watching the tv together in the evenings. I am uncomfortable with this. It just seems too close for comfort. AIBU to say to him that I am not happy. I think he would understand how I feel and change arrangements if i pushed for it but he has struggled to find somewhere that suits him and he likes it there.

Franky, whatever… if you’d be incensed that your husband would impose those boundaries then that’s fine. That’s your marriage.

I didn’t impose any boundaries. I told my husband how I felt and we discussed it. It ended up being more his decision than mine. Yes, lots of women would not feel like me judging by this thread. But lots would. And some men. My husband included. And that is not him imposing boundaries on me, it would be me not disrespecting his feelings.

You have called me a misogynist, distrusting, told me my husband is going to live a miserable life in his premier inn bedroom because of me, called me territorial etc etc. I don’t know who has pissed on your chips but maybe stop being so mean and personal to people on the internet who just happen to have slightly different relationships to you.

Franky, whatever… if you’d be incensed that your husband would impose those boundaries then that’s fine. That’s your marriage.

I didn’t impose any boundaries. I told my husband how I felt and we discussed it. It ended up being more his decision than mine. Yes, lots of women would not feel like me judging by this thread. But lots would. And some men. My husband included. And that is not him imposing boundaries on me, it would be me not disrespecting his feelings.

You have called me a misogynist, distrusting, told me my husband is going to live a miserable life in his premier inn bedroom because of me, called me territorial etc etc. I don’t know who has pissed on your chips but maybe stop being so mean and personal to people on the internet who just happen to have slightly different relationships to you.

As the half of my relationship who travels frequently for work, I think I naturally see it from your husband's perspective, and what I'm incensed about is the idea that my partner would try to impose those boundaries on me.

You're free to have the boundaries you choose but I object to terming them "natural" - they're not boundaries most people I know, and plenty of women on this thread, would deem natural.

You call it territorialism, I call it natural boundaries. Of course there are differences between how spouses or partners relate to people of the opposite sex. My husband goes on holiday with his male friends fairly often. He probably wouldn’t go wild camping with just a female friend for instance. I don’t think that’s unusual. Your boundaries may be in different places than mine, but I bet you still have boundaries. I have absolutely no idea why you are so incensed by my husband’s and my boundaries.

I’ve already said I’m feeling insecure at the moment. Well done you if you never feel insecure. I feel very lucky I have a husband who is understanding and supportive, as I hope I would be of him. For someone who claims to want build women up, you come across as pretty judgey.

It means that you think you're insulting me, but actually you're just insulting yourself, your husband and your relationship.

Well I’ll use the phrase if I want to. 😁

No idea what you mean by a huge self-own? What does that even mean or signify?

Not the same thing at all unless you live with them at the same time as being married and living with your dh.

There are posters on here who would have no problem with their dh, while living away from home, going out with their female flat mate shopping, dinner out, cinema, etc and although the OP’s dh hasn’t done those things I find it quite odd that women on here are fine about their own dh’s potentially doing those things, not as a one off with long established women friends but with a woman their dh lives with during the week. I’m simply not that cool. I’ll assume they’d also be fine if their dh emailed and texted the woman at weekends to check about if shopping needs doing or if they fancy trying that new restaurant that opened near them etc. Some very cool wives on here but I personally wouldn’t like it because the dynamic would be getting too parallel lives for me.

You said ‘our’ place so not just you?

I always think it's a huge self-own when "cool wife" gets trotted out as an insult. No, I'm not paranoid about other women, even when they're interesting or attractive - I love it when I see other women thriving. No, I'm not so distrustful of DP that I need to monitor his movements or who he socialises with - he can do what he wants, as can I. Sounds cool to me, in a very enjoyable way.

There are posters on here who would have no problem with their dh, while living away from home, going out with their female flat mate shopping, dinner out, cinema, etc and although the OP’s dh hasn’t done those things I find it quite odd that women on here are fine about their own dh’s potentially doing those things, not as a one off with long established women friends but with a woman their dh lives with during the week. I’m simply not that cool. I’ll assume they’d also be fine if their dh emailed and texted the woman at weekends to check about if shopping needs doing or if they fancy trying that new restaurant that opened near them etc. Some very cool wives on here but I personally wouldn’t like it because the dynamic would be getting too parallel lives for me.

You said ‘our’ place so not just you?

Yeah, me too.
if 'cool wife' means 'OK with DP having friends of the opposite sex and even watching telly and eating with them' then, you know, call me cool wife <<shrug>>
He must be a cool husband too because, as I've said, I frequently stay at a male friend's house and we watch telly/eat/chat together, and he doesn't say it's a deal-breaker or accuse me of playing house or anything.

He is married and he is also a flatmate. The two are not mutually exclusive if your lifestyle involves working away 5 days a week. One of my old flatmates stayed at our place 5 days a week and was also engaged to his fiancee in a different city. The two things were true at the same time.

I always think it's a huge self-own when "cool wife" gets trotted out as an insult. No, I'm not paranoid about other women, even when they're interesting or attractive - I love it when I see other women thriving. No, I'm not so distrustful of DP that I need to monitor his movements or who he socialises with - he can do what he wants, as can I. Sounds cool to me, in a very enjoyable way.