Not happy with husband’s new living arrangements

And you know that how? Did you monitor his movements 247?

Mine worked away for a few years and he rented a room from a young pretty female for a few months in one town. Guess what happened? Nothing! I completely trust my OH, why don't you?

Would you divorce him over it?

Lodgers are people you say good morning to once a day, not cosy dinners and spending the evenings together watching Netflix. You are under reacting. I am also struggling to see how you have a good marriage if you are seeing so little of him, and you are spending most of your life on your own.

Have you considered that you are too trusting?

I'd suggest that you're thinking of getting a weekly lodger because it would be nice to share meals and watch tv with someone during the week.

He has moved in effectively with another woman op. He would have 24 hours to pack and leave or less.
This would be a dealbreaker. Are you sure you can trust him? This set up would not work for me.

I'm going against the grain here but my sister had a male lodger after her divorce to help with her finances. He lived in her house from Monday evening to Friday morning. She cooked meals for him and did a laundry service so he didn't take all his dirty shirts home to his wife. He paid extra for this. He stayed 3 years and they became good friends. She didn't remotely fancy him and it was mutual. His wife came to stay occasionally and she also became a friend.
It can work.
You are making the assumption that if a man and woman live in the same house they will automatically have some sort of affair. Is there a reason that you don't trust your husband? Could you meet his landlady and see where he is living?

Even if your husband is now and turns out to be 100% faithful to you throughout the entirely of your marriage, he was STILL in the wrong for doing this!

Because he should have realised how it LOOKS to you (and to others) that he has moved in with another woman and spending much of his leisure time with her. He should have realised how you would FEEL - ie threatened and insecure and worried.

Of course you're not unreasonable. It sounds like he's up and left and found himself a new relationship. He doesn't sound like he's renting a room he sounds like he's living with her. I'm not sure anyone who found themselves in this situation would be ok with the way he's behaving and can't believe any posters think you're being unreasonable.

That’s bloody weird. Sounds dodgy. I can’t believe they he’d think you’d be ok with this.

You are NOT being unreasonable to say you're not happy but it does indicate TRUST ISSUES on your side of the fence.

You have every right to tell him about your concerns but he has every right to blow back at you for your lack of sympathy about his working week.

I spent years doing much the same thing. DP had insisted on moving out of London for a rural lifestyle. Turned out there wasn't much of my type of employment anywhere near.

Sometimes I could get away with a 2+ hour commute each way, each day but that's such hard work after your thirties but it was not always possible.

I tried coming home one night a week, but that means packing and lugging your cases to/from a hotel near daily. I ended up becoming friendly with and confidante to the bar-staff just as a way of having social interaction. Tbh, the nightly phone calls were more depressing than uplifting hearing all the enjoyments others had been having. It wasn't helped by being expected tonuse my weekends to catch up on all the stuff around the house that needed doing.

But, although I stayed at.most remote jobs for 2-4 years it was always in 3/6 month increments, never 100% predictable. So quite tricky to sign rentals or buy a place to call home

It is intensely frustrating to live a lifestyle where you live out of a suitcase with no place to keep anything useful for a hobby beyond a swimming costume or running gear - both solitary pursuits.

So, share your fears with DH. But I would say that he'd be reasonable to respond with "if you love me you'd be happy I finally have some people to socialise with and it concerns me that you're happy for me to work away and take the proceeds but not to trust me enough to keep it platonic"

After all, he's told you about the arrangement, not told you that he's watching TV with "Bob" rather than "Roberta".

Be aware, be alert, but don't be paranoid

Op, this living arrangement for your h is a strange choice and inappropriate.

I would object but also find out how he came to this arrangement.

Cobblers.

there's so much detail missing from this story...
when did he take up this 'new job'? and why did he decide to stop working more locally? was it a unilatteral decision? was there any discussion with you first, about what it would mean for your marriage/ living arrangements? is this a permanent/ forever job/ contract, or a short/ fixed term one? have you been left looking after any children or pets due to this? if he really just announced one day that he was off to work elsewhere, and would only ever be around at weekends, i'd have expected a bit more communication at that point, and for me that's all a far bigger issue than his lodgings

That would be a no from me ,and my husband wouldn't dream of putting himself in such a situation.

Absolutely not. I'm not the jealous type at all but no way would I be OK with my partner living with another woman.

Hell no

Did you see the room advert? I’d want to check he replied to an advertised room to ensure this isn’t someone he “met”. It’s not an ideal situation. Is this job for a fixed term and he’ll be home soon or is this his permanent job?

I'm thinking of getting a part time lodger, who i would assume would likely be a mature married man working away from home. I'd prefer to be cordial but independent but I guess if you both want to watch Inspector Morse 🤷🏼‍♂️

My mistake. however whether the landlady is a mother or not makes no difference to my overall post.

If your spouse gets a job far away you move or split. his home isn’t your home anymore

What a bizarre take on it. I’ve known people who did FIFO for a few years to really bolster the family bank balance. It was an agreed decision within the family and the ones I know don’t have regrets (they no longer do it, was for a defined period, usually 2 years, just to really get ahead). No idea where you think people can move to in some of these circumstances, mines in the middle of nowhere, you need to fly in with nothing other than basic worker accomodation, oil rigs etc. Have even known someone who did two stints in Antarctica. Do you think only single people can work these jobs?

No, I wouldn't be happy with that arrangement. It feels inappropriately intimate that he'll be spending more evenings with this housemate than with his own wife.

I agree that him working away all week and only coming home for the weekends isn't a recipe for success, in the long run. That's the kind of thing you can power through as a temporary situation, if you must, but it will put a huge strain on most relationships if it goes on for too long.

@LostWirhoutYourLove the OP states single woman, not single mother