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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being unimaginative with our life options?

40 replies

MidlifeWondering · 10/06/2025 21:57

Maybe having a midlife crisis 😂
DH and I are both in our mid/late 40s with 4 children, we earn good salaries and have decent equity in our house.
Sometimes I think we’re being unimaginative and just living the societal norm rather than thinking of other options.
Examples -

  1. We live in the SE and if we sold up we would have over £500k equity. If we lived somewhere cheaper, we could be mortgage free rather than have our current £2k monthly payment. Travel, invest for the future etc
  2. DH works from home and I work in healthcare in a role that has vacancies in every trust. We’re very portable and yet stay where we both grew up. Kids would be ok to move and although we have friends and family here, we’re not committed to staying close by.
  3. As mentioned, I work in healthcare and earn £55pa. I could earn more than double that if I moved into agency work. I could either work less hours, or we could be better off financially. But I’m always wary due to pension, sick pay etc. DH earns considerably more than me and we’d be ok if I had periods where I couldn’t get a contract (which is unlikely anyway)

Has anyone made any of these changes?

YABU - midlife crisis, stop moaning and accept the status quo
YANBU - you could be more imaginative/daring with your work/location/finances

OP posts:
MellersSmellers · 11/06/2025 19:17

You don't have to shake things up just because "you're living the societal norm" - you should have a reason/objective. Working out what you both want out of your lives is the first step to making it happen.
Sounds like you have lots of options in your situation so, if all you need is a nudge, then Just Do It.
DH and I sold up and moved to NZ for 2 years before we had kids. Best thing we did, and totally out of character really, but we've never regretted it. Had a fab 2 years then moved back to be with family and friends.

CR2025 · 11/06/2025 01:23

I’d move & privately educated my DCs.

SilverCoins · 11/06/2025 01:06

How old are the kids? This can be a big factor in timing so are they about to switch from primary to secondary, about to do any exams? Frankly, I'd say go for it unless any of them are in that awkward period of exams, and also if you don't move soon, will they then end up in that period. Start looking into practicalities like schools and if they do any sports/arts/activities, what those options look like wherever you go - scoping out what a "normal" week would look like in a new area will help you all visualise the move.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 11/06/2025 01:01

Bear in mind your NHS pension is very valuable. I wouldn't give that up lightly.

But it's definitely relocate!

kallosel · 11/06/2025 00:55

MidlifeWondering · 10/06/2025 23:05

We’re paying through the nose to live close to London and we don’t need to, I only go in occasionally to see a show or take kids to NHM. DH hasn’t been to London for years, he’s not a fan. Since Covid, he’s worked from home so no need to be in SE.

Show quote history

I agree with you although I am the opposite. We live in central London and are visiting the attractions or going to the theatre almost every weekend. We enjoy it and almost feel an obligation to do it, to justify the extra cost and other disadvantages of living here.
But I have friends and relatives here who don't have London-centric jobs and spend their free time at home or doing more common activities like sports or kids drama, which can be found in any town. I always wonder why they don't move elsewhere, and I think it's inertia as we grew up here, and it's what they've always known.

Bollynicks · 11/06/2025 00:34

MidlifeWondering · 10/06/2025 23:13

We’d like to live somewhere that we love. Our current area is extremely practical, 10 min drive to big town, 40 min train journey to London.
We like parts of Yorkshire and Derbyshire, where you’re close to Peak District for instance, but still within an hour of Manchester/Leeds/Sheffield. We like cycling and hiking as a family.
We holiday there a lot and we could swap our house for a similar one and be completely mortgage free.
We could then be £2k a month better off if I stayed in NHS or potentially £4-5K a month better off if I contracted on top of being mortgage free 😮.

Show quote history

Thanks for the update. Yorkshire is such a beautiful area. I think you should go for it step outside your comfort zone and try something different. Please keep us updated, how exciting.

Motherofdragons24 · 10/06/2025 23:48

I’m in almost the exact same position as you except we have 2 kids and I’m 34. Healthcare job, similar wage, DH earns much more. Still live in the town we grew up in. Jobs that could take us anywhere. But I’m happy here, happy with our life, love my friends and family and having them close by, love watching my parents with my kids. Sure our life could be more exciting else where but the grass isn’t always greener. Are you happy with your life? That’s what’s important.

Original poster
MidlifeWondering · 10/06/2025 23:13

Bollynicks · 10/06/2025 22:21

Same as pp. What area do you want to move to and why? Also are you looking for totally different lifes/way of life or just moving your same life to a different area.

More information please @MidlifeWondering Grin

We’d like to live somewhere that we love. Our current area is extremely practical, 10 min drive to big town, 40 min train journey to London.
We like parts of Yorkshire and Derbyshire, where you’re close to Peak District for instance, but still within an hour of Manchester/Leeds/Sheffield. We like cycling and hiking as a family.
We holiday there a lot and we could swap our house for a similar one and be completely mortgage free.
We could then be £2k a month better off if I stayed in NHS or potentially £4-5K a month better off if I contracted on top of being mortgage free 😮.

OP posts:
Original poster
MidlifeWondering · 10/06/2025 23:07

ZippyPeer · 10/06/2025 22:00

It does sound like doing something different could be a good option for you! If you made a change and didn't like it, could you go back?

What would your kids think of your idea?

We’ve tested the waters and they seemed keen on the theory. They’re all happy enough at school, but not committed to staying where they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
MidlifeWondering · 10/06/2025 23:05

OofyProsser2 · 10/06/2025 22:19

You haven’t said anything about why you want to move. I think you should consider what and where you want to move to, not just from.

We’re paying through the nose to live close to London and we don’t need to, I only go in occasionally to see a show or take kids to NHM. DH hasn’t been to London for years, he’s not a fan. Since Covid, he’s worked from home so no need to be in SE.

OP posts:
VoltaireMittyDream · 10/06/2025 23:01

It’s not like you’re thinking about running away to join the circus or anything! It sounds like you might have more freedom and financial stability if you moved somewhere cheaper & moved into agency work. And being further away from family can have as many pluses as minuses, depending on the family I question.

Go for it!

InterestedDad37 · 10/06/2025 22:57

Do it, be imaginative 😃 We're only here once, don't waste it 😀👍

Bollynicks · 10/06/2025 22:21

Same as pp. What area do you want to move to and why? Also are you looking for totally different lifes/way of life or just moving your same life to a different area.

More information please @MidlifeWondering Grin

OofyProsser2 · 10/06/2025 22:19

You haven’t said anything about why you want to move. I think you should consider what and where you want to move to, not just from.

ZippyPeer · 10/06/2025 22:00

It does sound like doing something different could be a good option for you! If you made a change and didn't like it, could you go back?

What would your kids think of your idea?

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