To not get over losing loved ones as easily as others?

I think losing a loved one is universally painful for everyone unless that person has medical or mental factors meaning they're not able to understand what's happened. If you're someone who has a history of depression and ruminating, then it can be particularly difficult to control your emotions, as you're dealing with a pre-existing illness as well as the grief.

Experiencing several losses of loved ones during a short space of time is naturally going to take it's toll, as you've not had time to heal from the previous loss before being forced to start the process again. I don't think this is the same thing as saying other people don't experience grief as deeply as you or they get over their loss quicker. Have you had any sort of grief counselling, as this may be a good starting place?

There’s no right way to grieve. And your way is not better than anyone else’s way of grieving - you sound like you have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with grief/loss. I imagine spending some time working out why you have developed them and how you can develop more healthy mechanisms of dealing with these things which are, sadly, part of life might help you.

lol, no I’m not.

I’m not the only person saying the same about ‘empaths’ - why pick on me?

But you have literally no idea whether everyone you think is ‘coping’ isn’t crying into their pillow at bedtime every night. Or what their coping mechanisms are.

That”s why everyone is asking why you appear to believe no one else feels things as deeply as you.

I actually think your post demonstrates a lack of empathy, sorry op, it’s hard for virtually everyone.

Ditto re the younger sibling, solidarity hugs 💐

Your perceived meaning of an empath is actually the complete opposite of what one is. You sound narcissistic

I'm going to be blunt here, you're not special for the way you grieve. It's heartbreaking for everyone to lose their loved ones and you have no idea what people are holding inside. It's extremely tasteless to claim that other people just move on easily from loss while you don't.

Your post has actually made me quite angry but you probably already know that what with being an empath.

Sorry for your losses. You have no idea how other people really cope with grief though.

I'm like that as well @Beautifulweeds.

I don't know what it is, pp mentioned above a lack of resilience, other pp have said different things.

Many people struggle without showing it, a friend committed suicide this year which knocked me for six. He had his struggles but I didn't know HOW much as he didn't show it.

Kindly, OP, your grief sounds normal. I held a much loved younger sibling as they died a few years ago. It broke my heart, there isn’t a day I don’t shed a tear or feel pain and bewilderment at the loss or rage against how tragic and unfair it was. Do people see this on a day to day basis? Nope. Not even my DH. I also live my life and do fun things, because life is for living.

But if you’re struggling, get some grief counselling. Don’t talk yourself into believing you just feel pain more than other people. Losing a friend is hard, a few months is nothing, it takes time to heal.

If you think other people get other the deaths of their loved ones more easily than you do, I suspect you aren’t as empathetic as you think.

Loss is difficult and horrible. Everyone suffers. Just because some people force themselves to carry on, that doesn’t they don’t feel it as much as you.

I'm sorry for your losses, OP. We've lost two very dear friends this year, and may lose another soon, it has been rough.

Don't compare the inside of your life to someone else's outside, though. There are dozens of people you encounter every day, every week, each with their own private sorrow. You might not see it, but it's there, just as they might not see it in you.

I'm one of life's cryers and sometimes just can't hold it in. I have a friend who rarely cries in front of anyone, in fact in 25 years I've never really seen her weep. But trust me, even though she might not show it, she grieves. She has had a lot to grieve.

I've realised I'm an empath, so totally take in anyone feeling sad or hurt. If a stranger is crying I will help them, no matter what others say.

Over empathising with others really isn’t a healthy emotional response to other people’s upset. It would be worth you seeking therapy to understand what it is in you that’s leaving you vulnerable to others pain, and resolving that.

Your grief sounds normal to me OP. If you met me you wouldn't guess at all that I'm grieving a child. You would have absolutely no idea.

You do have to make a choice though. It's very easy to slide into unhealthy coping mechanisms. Drinking and smoking too much will make you feel raw and vulnerable. Nobody is coming to save you from yourself.

Stop the drink. Focus on treating your body better, do things that bring you pleasure and give you a break from having to sit with your own brain constantly.

A lot of therapy has helped me understand that I’m a hyper vigilant people pleaser, constantly attuned to other people’s emotions so I can keep myself and others safe. It’s exhausting.

Decent therapy would have helped reduce the hyper vigilance and the desire to people please. It’s a good thing to know that about yourself but therapy at its core is about working through those issues to change them, not just give you strategies to manage.

Im very sorry for your losses OP.

However, as kindly as possible OP, I have a friend who also describes herself as an empath, and it absolutely grinds my gears. She’s very highly strung, surprisingly blunt, and actually likes a bit of drama. She’d probably describe me as being cold hearted but I’m not, I just do my emotions in private, rather than going on in public about it all…

This.

When my husband died, his adult children and grandchild seemed to think that I was coping fine with organising the funeral and so on. The fact of the matter was that I was on my own, screaming at four walls most of the day and doing what had to be done in between.

I recall being in disbelief when they added to the things that I needed to do. (Not a lot, I suppose, but it was taking me all that I had to cope.)

When they watched the funeral on webcam, I wasn't throwing myself on the coffin so was - apparently - fine.

I'm not getting at you, OP - I'm just trying to express that you don't know what's going on in someone's head.

Everyone finds it ‘excruciating’ being at the bedside of someone they love when they die. Why on earth wouldn’t they? It’s very hurtful of you to suggest that you’re the only person who feels this way.

There’s no such thing as an empath. usually it means ‘self-obsessed person ego thinks their pain is worse than everyone else’s pain’.

I disagree. I think people don't feel/care as much as others.

I’d suggest counselling might really help you unpick why you’re like this and help you cope better.

No-one sees what most people are truly feeling when they lose a loved one, most of us get up each morning and plaster a smile on our faces while inside we are feeling completely different. I would imagine there are a good many days when most of us don't even know how we function enough to get through until bedtime. You are not alone in not 'getting over' a death.

Yes, as everyone has already said - no-one shrugs off the loss of a loved one easily. When I lost a parent I appeared functional to the outside world but I was falling apart and continued to do so for many months (years) afterwards. It's the height of self-centredness to presume your grief is deeper or more catastrophic than other people's.