To not get over losing loved ones as easily as others?

I think it’s nonsense that every person feels things exactly the same way but some just get on with things because they have to. Ridiculous notion.

Perhaps grief counselling could help, are you depressed, anxious? Do you need help with your drinking?

and yet your reply reads like someone who only ‘thinks’ they know what OCD is 🤷‍♀️

I'm not getting the impression OP is being an arse or making it about her in front of other people. As for me I hate anyone seeing me cry. It's all done in private. But I don't think it's normal to ruminate over the same thing constantly or be so affected by news stories. At least I haven't observed others reacting in the same way. I had this discussion with my mother a while ago because a news item was really upsetting me and she didn't feel the same way at all. It was just "yeah it's sad but you can't do anything about it so you can't let it affect you" easier said than done though.

Ha. I'm diagnosed. I know perfectly well it affects people differently (for example mine is doing things the same amount of times on each side in multiples of four, so opening doors, stepping on pavement cracks etc etc). I know for others it's about cleanliness or whatever.

Just don't think it's an excuse to be an arse. I also have BPD, anxiety, CPTSD and depression (all diagnosed) but still trying not to be an arse...

I go to work, am with my family in the evenings, but sob into my pillow uncontrollably

And what makes you think other people dont do the same.

When my Dad died my mum had what she describes as her public face and her private face. The public one got her out and about and talking to people. The private one was a mess. The private one would cry as though her heart was breaking (which it was) her private face was desperately unhappy without the love of her life. Noone apart from my brother and I saw the private face.

If you'd seen her you'd have thought she was coping and moving on - she wasnt

You seem to think you're the only one who grieves longer term. You're not. People just do it in different ways and cope differently. It's not a competition

Exactly. As I said above I've lost many friends over the years. I never cry in public (not even at their funerals) but I bawl my eyes out at night at home.

Just because I'm not grieving the way others do doesn't mean I'm not grieving.

OCD impacts people differently, you’d probably know this if you actually had it 🥱

Me too, that’s why I mentioned a doctors visit, sertraline is a wonderful thing

How do you know they aren't still grieving? They could just be grieving in a different way to you. We are all individuals and have our own coping strategies when it comes to grief.

You are being really hard on yourself @Beautifulweeds . You need to become kinder to you. Take care of yourself and prioritise your health. Alcohol is a depressant so that’s not helping.

Everyone has bad stuff they are dealing with. I’ve lost both parents, my sister and my DH. If anyone asks if I’m ok, I always say yes but inside I’m really not.

I've had full on OCD since I was in primary but I can still manage to let others grieve as they need to. I've also lost (I just counted) 43 friends over the years including my amazing BIL and my best friend, mostly to suicide or overdoses. I don't make it about me. When BIL died I held it together for my sister even though I'd been very close friends with him for years longer and introduced them - my role was to support my sister, not to make it about myself.

Yes. I'm not sure why you are offended when OP has said it's basically a character flaw.

Sorry you’ve experienced loss @Beautifulweeds 💐

Grief is unbearable. It’s something you never really get over but you learn to with it as time passes.

I’d say I’m sensitive and an ‘empath’ aswell. I cry at TV adverts. I cry at music. I feel gut wrenched when I see roadkill, hear about elderly people feeling lonely, hear about children being bullied and left out, you name it.

However, I don’t think we have any right to feel like we are more affected by grief than anyone else, or people who may not outwardly present as being empathetic.

Some people can hide emotions well. Some people can be the most bubbly, extroverted and positive to the outside world - then behind closed doors it’s a whole different story. And none of their friends, colleagues etc would know.

Try not to think that - AIBU for everyone else not to understand how grief affects me so much. - Because yes, you are being unreasonable. You have no idea how much grief and loss and any type of difficult situation can affect other people.

Try and be a bit more open minded.

You are not more emotional, you express your emotions more obviously.

Those are not the same thing.

I know it's been said but honestly every person I've met who was a self declared empath has just been an attention seeker. I told my former housemate/lodger my dad had been diagnosed with cancer and she literally threw herself on the ground, wailing and crying and asking me to comfort her between tears. I'd only just found out myself and it's MY DAD who she'd never even met. She later posted on FB about how devastating it was. She always self described as an empath but to me she was just a twat, tbh - hence former housemate!

People can have very deep emotions but not show them in such dramatic style!

Do you describe yourself as an empath and think that other people don’t feel as deeply as you? Because that’s why the OP is getting a hard time, NOT because she cries and ruminates.

I was going to ask you if you had OCD as I'm very much the same and I have OCD. Lots of ruminating, feeling guilty etc. takes me years to get over a loss.

It's not being an emotional vampire 🙄I've cried over news stories, thrown a cup against a wall-no one was around and no one knows. Ruminated for years over my dad's final days-and I know my family didn't do that because we've talked about what happened and they don't remember most of it. It's nothing to do with wanting to wallow in sadness and feel special.

And yes if you talk to people about a loss they will say you need therapy if you haven't gotten over a loss in x amount of time, that death is part of life, natural etc. whereas I don't accept that so yes I do believe others get over things easier. I totally get what you mean OP.

You can't know that you're "more emotional" than everyone else. It just sounds like you're more performative when emotional where others may not display their feelings so readily in public.

There's no right way to grieve.

YABU.

It isn't a competition you know.

There you go again. Why are you so wedded to the idea that you’re more emotional than everybody else? You have absolutely no idea what other people are feeling.

I actually think maybe your hormones aren’t balanced correctly. Mine weren’t and thanks to my meds I have appropriate reactions to things now.

worth speaking to doctor

But also making it clear the empaths pain and sorrow is so much deeper and intense than the actual person who is having the issue/loss!

There is no time limit for grieving or correct way to do it.
I am the type to switch off and ignore my grief. I made a deal with myself that I was not to let myself think about it before I sleep.
When I do think about my mam I feel a physical ache in my chest.
Be kind to yourselves.
I take an ssri. It helps keeping things moving along, feelings in boxes.
Would you try an ssri? Sounds like depression too.

Exactly- I lost my mum three years ago. She’s in my thoughts every day . Some days I still can’t believe that she has gone. I crack on and get on with things because I have to.