To not get over losing loved ones as easily as others?

people who use a label such as hsp or empath in my experience have little self awareness. You aren’t either of those things, you aren’t your feelings , you may say i struggle to emotionally regulate myself or as a result of trauma I tend to wallow or whatever but they are learned behaviours that one should want to work on. Labelling suggests this is me I’m not changing.

I do a lot of the stuff and feel a lot of the stuff people have described. I’m not an empath or a hsp, I’m someone who due to trauma fawns and people pleases and gets stuck in my own head. That’s for me to work on which I do every day.

the op is suffering from depression so she will cry she will be sad she will dwell on things, she’s ill. But saying oh it’s just me I’m an empath keeps people stuck. It’s like breaking your leg and saying this is me I’m broken leg woman , you wouldn’t it’s a temporary state and you’d do your exercises and your physio.

I think language around ‘getting over’ a death doesn’t help. I lost my mum very suddenly several years ago and although I no longer feel the heavy weight of raw grief, I think about her and miss her all the time. When I think about it, I’ll always feel sad about the shock and distress of that day but I’ve learned to make my peace with it.

If you are still feeling active, overwhelming grief over your dad (not to be confused with just missing his presence in your life) then it might be helpful to get counselling. It’s also quite understandable if the loss of your dear friend has compounded things even more.

For me it was helpful to stop thinking about ‘getting over’ the loss but instead learning to make peace with it and live a full life despite it. And regardless of how it feels, life does go on around us and we have to find a way to move forward.

You're coming across as self absorbed OP ( to me anyway )
Death is a part of life, for everyone, grief affects everyone, but do you know what, life does go on, it has to, because what is the alternative?

You also seem very judgemental, look at me grieving more than everyone else!

I’m honestly not being an arse but moving a worm or a snail so it doesn’t get eaten by birds is not a sign of heightened emotional awareness or empathy. My husband does it and he’s not someone who has big feelings or emotions. One could argue that it’s actually cruel as birds will starve without access to food.

@xPenelopePitstop
Are you a vegan? You said you felt gutwrenched about seeing roadkill so I wondered how you feel about seeing meat in a supermarket.

I used to call myself an HSP/empath, but I've now learnt to better regulate my emotions. I also don't really give much time to people who act like everything is about them, because, to be frank, I've better things to do with my time. Of course I extend sympathy and concern to my family, friends and acquaintances, especially after loss or illness or some other difficulties, as most folk would hopefully do.

How do know that? It’s a big generalisation to make. Just because people talk about it doesn’t mean that they have expectations for anything. I’ve never met a hsp behave in this way. Some might do but you can’t possibly say all those who talk about it are awful.

Absolutely.
I have a family member who hasn't really passed the wallowing stage after 5+ years. Part of it is because the deceased person, as well as being a partner, was a bit like their personal 'servant'- I think they miss everything the person did for them as much as they miss the actual person, if that makes sense. It sounds horrible to say it out loud, but the family member is incredibly self-absorbed and definitely thinks everyone else 'has it easier'.

The ones who talk about it tend to be expecting others to change the environment or their own behaviour to suit the HSP. That’s rude.

I am an HSP but I know it’s my problem I need to make adjustments for. I don’t require the rest of the world to change to suit me.

Op, I think you should ask to get this post moved to the mental health board.

I do think this may well be a lack of resilience as a result of your depression.

@Beautifulweeds theres lots of good perspectives on here, but I wanted to add some very specific advice.

You talk as if you have no control, therefore no responsibility. You have to take control. That doesn’t happen on its own for any of us. Yes, it’s harder for some than for others, some of us have to practice harder than others- but we can. Don’t feel powerless about something that only YOU can impact. You have that power. You just need to practise using it.

Do stress relieving exercises, meditate, make choices- choose to think positively about things. When your mind turns to someone you have lost and you start to feel overwhelmed by emotion, think of a positive memory that makes you smile, laugh, feel love. Every time. Discipline. It gets easier.

Why do you think highly sensitive people behave awfully and rude?

You can never know what someone is feeling inside about a loss. Even if they're carrying on totally as normal, or partying wildly, this might be their way of coping or 'putting on a brave face'.

Rather than comparing yourself to others, focus on yourself and coping with your own grief - maybe counselling would help you?

People have to cope otherwise life just becomes a long litany of grief and misery. We've all experienced the deaths of people we love, some of us far too many. But life is still there to be lived. We can't spend years outwardly, permanently grief stricken for those we've lost - how would that impact our friends and family? Keep them in the doldrums along with us?

I hold those I've lost in my heart, and remember them with love, not grief. There was grief, but it's been replaced over time.

Yes I'm an empath in that I can't bear to see anyone sad and I feel their emotions deeply.

No, you feel your own emotions. The whole
concept of empaths has been discredited. We all feel empathy- that’s the human condition- the fact that you find it hard to regulate your emotional responses doesn’t mean you’re feeling other people’s emotions.

I’m really sorry for your losses and it sounds like some grief counselling might be a good idea (as it is for many people). Drinking definitely won’t be helping so cutting that out would be a good starting point.

I empathise. I went into a deep depression for a long time when my mum died, couldn’t go to work etc. I think the prolonged intense grief could have been amplified by untreated depression and undiagnosed neurodivergence. So that may be worth investigating. Also counselling and meditation are very good

To be honest OP, and I’m sorry if this sounds mean, but it’s a little self indulgent to behave this way. We’ve all loved and lost, but death is 100% a part of life and you need to find a way to function and adapt to the “new normal.” If we all just allowed ourselves to wallow in grief no one would ever get out of bed. That said, your loss is still very recent, most people would be reeling whether you knew it or not.

You owe it to yourself to live well.

I kind of find your post judgemental.
I don't cry in front of others, weep and wail nor do I share my feelings with others (more to protect them) and in the past 6 months have lost 2 dearly loved people in my life. But I am wrung out inside, I have a hole inside me that will never heal, I have NOT brushed it off and carried on as normal.
When my Dad died a few years back I got so angry being told how much more his death affected my sister (I love her dearly) Just because I didn't show how I feel.
Please realise not everyone needs to share with the world their sadness.

I find your post a little offensive actually. I grew up with a mother who would make any situation about her. She always had to be the most affected. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and she constantly told everyone I was as hard as nails. It’s upsetting. Stop assuming.

This.
I lost my dad in my teens.
I still feel it some days (and definitely a lot older than my teens now).
I know he would have been proud of me and wanted me to live my life well, so I've tried my best to do that.
For your own sake though, you have to try not to wallow too much - give yourself time and get support, but also be very thankful to still have your life to live. ❤️

Was going to say exactly the sam. Are you a people pleaser op, do you try and keep the peace, aware of others emotions?

you aren’t an empath it’s not a thing. You can be empathetic.

They haven't moved on, they've just made room for it.

I haven't put together a photo album to look at constantly. I dont sit and look through photos. Does that mean I don't grieve at all?

You grieve your own way, everybody does. Wallowing is your thing if it brings you the attention you need. Wallowing long term isn't healthy though as it stops you enjoying life and might need a professional.

I'm constantly sad since I lost my mum but I pretend I'm okay to the outside world because what's the alternative?
I can't go round crying all the time, even though I want to.
Grief is always hard and I feel sorry for anyone who is in pain.

Grief is no party that’s for sure and I’m sorry you are experiencing that loss. However, I hate this expression‘I’m an empath’ ‘I do this and that and others don’t’.
No, you are empathetic as any normal person is but you just like everyone to know. I’m empathetic and cry when I see homeless people begging. I just cry in my own space and don’t broadcast the fact.

People don’t ‘get over’ grief more readily than you do…..this is very concerning and narcissistic thinking.

I’ve found it very common for people who belive themselves to be more sensitive than others to be very sensitive to their own feelings……and rather less so to the feelings of others. As you’re demonstrating here.