To not get over losing loved ones as easily as others?

@MrsTerryPratchett that must be infuriating to hear. So you can only do your job, caring for others, because you're so cold and heartless?? Right... 🙈

I do a job where we experience a lot of difficult things; child protection, deaths, emergencies and trauma. It’s not everyone’s bag, I get it, it’s manageable for me.

I’ve had more than one ‘empath’ tell me they couldn’t do my job because they would feel everything too deeply and cry if someone told them X. I’ve never been brave enough to ask, “are you really implying that you are more empathic then someone who has dedicated their life to this work and that’s your excuse to bow out of changing things?” FWIW I of course don’t mind people who say they couldn’t do my job, it’s not for everyone. But to imply that they are more empathetic and that gives them an excuse to do nothing about it? No.

Surely you’re not that daft to believe a vegetarian would think farmed animals don’t suffer.

I’ve answered your questions, no I’m not vegan, yes I can cope perfectly fine seeing meat in supermarkets and absolutely yes farmed animals do suffer, greatly. Anything else?

So farmed animals live a charmed life and don't suffer at all? I think not! Anyway for someone who is so sensitive and caring, you certainly are very snippy!

Nope. It’s not really difficult having to see meat in supermarkets. For me that’s different to seeing wild animals having being ran over and probably suffering for a prolonged periods.

But thanks for your concern. Don’t worry about me. I quite enjoy doing my weekly shop.

I wasn't trying to be rude! I was just genuinely wondering how you cope with going to a supermarket and being confronted with all the meat if you have that reaction to seeing roadkill. It must be really difficult.

I’m veggie. One day would like to be vegan. Unfortunately I live in a very small deprived town/ there isn’t much choice for a vast of vegan products. But hopefully one day.

Is that good enough for you? 🙄

Sending you much love.

My mum died 3 years ago and it is very much there. It has changed who I am but embracing grief is part of living I think. Medicating grief with alcohol or anything negative won’t help you must nurture your life with positive things: mindfulness, religion, exercise something that feeds you good. It is hard though.

I'm seen as the same in my friendship group. Never cry. Not even at BIL's (who I'd count as one of my best friends) funeral. Nor the other 43 friends I've had die funerals. But mid March was the anniversary of the death of 10 of them (including BIL, ex BIL who I was also very close to, and other very close friends, all dead by suicide) and I could barely get out of bed, just lying there crying. But nobody other than my husband saw that. Everyone thinks I'm strong and I'm not, I'm just good at putting on a front

OP I think you need counselling. You sound like you are heading towards becoming an alcoholic to 'cope' with your grief.

I'm regarded as the strong capable one in our family. It's because I know that the world does not stop when I have a death or someone with a terminal illness to deal with. I didn't cry at one of my parents funerals because I knew that if I did I might not stop and I 'needed' to be strong for my other parent. I'm not surrounded by photographs (very few in my home full stop), I don't go to a grave but I am often floored by hearing one of their favourite songs on the radio. My grief is mine alone. It is not for me to burden others with. My parent is dead and no amount of wailing, gnashing of teeth, or looking at photographs will bring them back - I hold them in my heart and they would be very disappointed if I wasted my life in outward shows of grief.

Okayyyy. I'll tell my GP to retract my diagnosis 🤣. I don't know how it affects other people admittedly since I'm not them. And I know OCD presents in a wide range of ways. I've just never heard of it affecting someone in this way.

My dad died 10 years ago. It is only in the last 6 months that I can even look at his photo without breaking down.
Yet to everyone around me , I’d have appeared fine because I simply avoided any difficult emotions by shutting it all out.

Sorry for your loss 💐

When someone dies, you don't have much other choice but to keep going. After my mum died I got sick of people telling me how strong and brave I was, as if I had any choice in the matter. What most people didn't know is that I was subsequently sectioned (more than once) and diagnosed with a psychiatric illness.

On the outside you'd have no idea. I'm constantly cracking jokes and silly to a fault. I try to make others laugh and smile, I seem very upbeat. You just don't know what people are going through on the inside.

This 100%. Sorry you are struggling OP.

No a label would be I’m a depressive like I’m an empath or I’m an hsp. We will have to agree to disagree, empaths are not a thing, it’s a trauma response. You can have empathy we all should have empathy.

I save worms that have found themselves on the patio.

I do this too but it doesn’t mean I experience the worm’s emotions 😂

Try not to let it make you angry though. I do agree with you that the OP was ignorant in her statement around people tending to graves are feeling griefing more so than those who don’t, but that’s on her. Don’t let it impact you.

It wasn't me who said the post made me angry, but it does.

Not at how the OP acts or feels, that's up to her. But the OP declared her partner and family aren't grieving for their losses as much as she is because they don't act like she does. The specific examples she gave were her partner isn't grieving his parent as much as her because he doesn't go to the grave as much as she does. Her siblings aren't grieving their parent as much as she is because she's the only one who made a photo album.

So for OP to declare her grief is worse because other people aren't grieving in the "right" way, yeah that makes me really fucking angry actually.

I understand this but that poster made a huge generalisation. The people you have described sound narcissistic as opposed to empathic.

some other posters on here are being cruel to the OP who clearly recognises that she has a problem and is asking for help (not you). There is a poster up thread who said the post her angry. Talk about the irony around people over sensitive.

I know people like those she describes. You walk on eggshells around them because they are so sensitive to having their feelings hurt, expect people to run around closing windows and opening doors because they are sensitive to draughty/cold/heat/smells… They perform grief at other people’s funerals/weddings/birthday parties because they are so so sad…

If the world doesn’t revolve around their needs, they get very distressed and then ‘can’t help being so sensitive, I’ve always been highly strung..’ etc.

They are who we turn into if we aren’t careful - and they give everyone else a bad name 🤣

I get this. Your response is helpful. It’s @CaptainFuture post that I don’t understand.

@Dodeedoo if you have a network of healthy, functioning boundaried friends who have highly tuned empathy and are HSP that’s great. It’s really supportive.

Some people don’t and feel alone in their powerful emotions, at the mercy of uncomfortable sensations that make life hard. They need help to recognise the skills that can support them.

Perhaps identity is better than label.

They are learned/practised qualities and can be very helpful. However OP is saying for her it isn’t helpful. She’s saying it is getting in the way of her enjoying life.
She has adopted empath as an identity and feels it’s beyond her control. It isn’t. She can choose to practise boundaries and other helpful strategies to feel less out of control. But she won’t while she thinks it’s inevitable and out of her hands.

Hi OP, you've been through a lot and each loss will accumulate and maybe a new loss triggers the old ones.

People grieve and experience things differently. Some compartmentalise etc. I think this is just another element of your personality. When you attend a funeral you witness first hand how people 'cope with' or experience grief.

I've recommended this to lots of people but I found the Griefcast podcast really helpful. People speaking openly about loss and the many MANY different ways they have experienced it. It will make you realise that there really is no right way.

Isn’t saying someone has depression labelling aswell? You are basically saying someone who is depressed isn’t depressed because they aren’t their feelings. HSP and empaths are a thing.