To ask how to resolve this!

Unfortunately you can’t, which is what he wants. can you get any legal advice some solicitors offer a free hour. I know you don’t want to do anything bad for your kids sake but he’s not really acting like a father who cares for his kids. Can you keep them at home if one doesn’t want to go? Or do you need some me time when he has them. It’s an awful situation to be in. Maybe text him important stuff then if he doesn’t bother replying you can use this against him. Most normal parents would have returned the call if they genuinely couldn’t answer but it’s like he’s deliberately going out of his way to make things harder for you. He’s not considering his kids feelings at all.

Is this court mandated access? If not, just don’t send them. Say he can see them at weekends, or on the days he wants as soon he starts returns all the uniform he has and continues to do so each week.

Or send them in nothing (get some cheap charity shop clothes just to go to his in), he then has to use “his” pe kit. If it’s creased that makes him look bad, not you. And then one uniform for the Tuesday. Tell him to keep hold of the PE kit he has.

This is beyond carelessness. He’s doing this to cause you issues.

Your ex is a selfish dad. I would make notes of all these issues in case you ever need them for a court case. part time dad can fuck off he’s a joke. He definitely doesn’t care much for his kids when there not with him god knows what he’s like when he does have them. I feel for you there are going to be many more years of this crap.

I wouldn’t blame yourself you sound like you’re a good mum and I’m sure you don’t regret these 2 kids you weren’t to know he would turn out to be an arsehole. It just winds me up when I see these posts where men think they can pick and choose when to be a dad to their children. he is very selfish but abusive too he calls you names but is choosing to create crap for you to chase him on. That’s still controlling behaviour maybe a court order would be best he says he can’t have kids at weekends but he chooses this because your being a good mum and having them. He wants his freedom and wants to look like a good dad but he’s not he absolutely a shitty dad. He is supposed to protect and provide for his kids he’s just a waste of space I’m sure if you moved and not told him where you lived there would be murder. I hope you don’t plan on buying him a Father’s Day card or gift.

To keep his ego inflated, he thinks he’s gods gift and everyone wants him, including you. He’s completely deluded, when you ring him to ask about the uniforms, he tries to make you feel embarrassed, as though you are hassling him in order to make you back off. He’s enjoying this.

You don’t feel the same though.

You were the one who displayed strength and walked away from the relationship when it wasn’t working for you. That’s why you feel relief.

You need to find that strength again and get some real boundaries put in place and nip this shit in the bud. The more he gets away with the more he’ll push to make your life uncomfortable as punishment for leaving him.

Him being seemingly happy with someone else, doesn’t stop him from still wanting control/revenge over you.

YOU ditched HIM didn’t you?

So his ego has taken a hit. And you’re the one responsible for denting that ego of his. That makes you enemy number 1 to him.

Exactly this 👆🏼

When he says this you just say, calmly & clearly every time, we have to communicate because of the children, that's what responsible parents do - so, about the uniforms....

Can you stop sending them? Tell him you can't afford to keep replacing uniform and pe kit so it will have to go to court to put a new arrangement in place.

I would tell him, it’s obviously the other way round as he doesn't return the kids uniforms, if he really didn't want to hear from you, he would make sure there was no reason for you to ring!
I would be a nuisance to get on his nerves till he gave them up.

PS - I have this a bit with my exh but I do get stuff back eventually- he’s just woefully disorganised and cba to engage with it, rather than being deliberately spiteful like yours sounds.

Luckily my youngest (DS) is 11 so beginning to take responsibility for his own stuff - although there are times when it has to go through exh.

Im sure he also thinks I’m still desperate to contact him on a personal level but I absolutely am not - I just need to push him a lot to engage with organisational tasks!

I would document all of this and stop sending them there.

Let him apply to court if he wants to have contact tome (assuming it’s not currently court ordered), and set this all out for the courts.

Mediation comes before a court hearing once he applies.

If he must have contact, can it be on a weekend (eow for example, Sat-Sun) so school uniform doesn’t come into it?

Have you ever had proper legal advice on the custody arrangements? Because you seem to base crucial decisions about your children’s wellbeing on what he tells you and what you think - having been brainwashed - is acceptable and/or feasible.

Your children are being damaged by his controlling behaviour, more so since he doesn’t seem to take any real risks interest in them. In fact he is using them to control you!

The school uniform/PE kit issue is merely the tip of a huge iceberg. You need to address this and fight for your rights and your children’s wellbeing. Trying mediation may be helpful, but I fear that he is unlikely to engage with the process. Being controlling and abusive is who he is and he won’t change.

Please start by speaking to Women’s Aid, but ultimately you will need to get legal representation and take him to court.

Legally, he may not be required to tell you where HE lives (odd, but there we are), but you not knowing where your 5 year old is just doesn't sit right with me. A 5 year old is a vulnerable child, and as his/her mother you should know where they are.