To ask… if you drink a lot on big nights out, do you judge more moderate drinkers?

I stopped drinking as I developed an allergy. I was never a regular drinker but would occasionally go wild for a few nights and then stop for a while.

In the past I’ve certainly had people pressuring me to drink more when I say I want to take it easy and just have one or two. BUT, since stopping completely about 5 years ago, I’ve also had people pressuring me to drink when I say I don’t drink. ‘Oh go on, just a few tonight’. Colleagues, friends and even family! And even when I’ve said it makes me ill!!! They think I’m just giving an excuse and it can’t possibly be the truth.

Thankfully I wasn’t an alcoholic and I don’t particularly miss it - and I’m fine about saying no - but I can only think it must be hell for those that were.

There seems to be an attitude amongst some that booze is an essential part of life: nights out, nights in, an evening with people, weddings, dinner, lunch, etc. And that anyone who doesn’t is trying to somehow spoil things for the rest.

Since the lockdowns ended I’ve quite a few friends who have given up the booze. Some thought they were becoming too reliant on it and others discovered fitness and healthy living. That’s taken the pressure off a lot and meant that an awful lot of my socialising (dinners out etc) now don’t involve alcohol at all.

No I think your friends are weird. I only drink at the weekends. My friends know that. And even then I’m not out very late. I love a few pints at the weekends but never drink on a “school night”. Your friends are odd.

Drink what you are comfortable of course but what has not being 21 got to do with it?

But @Hertsmum78you didn't say they comment on your drinking or encourage you to drink more, your example was to do with you going home early?

Having been a binge drinker (I now don't drink) i felt uncomfortable around moderate drinkers because a) I couldn't moderate myself b) it made me feel self conscious as it highlighted how much I was drinking c) i knew i would end up getting drunk and they wouldn't which again made me feel self conscious d) I wondered if they were judging my drinking and e) it reminded me that my drinking was problematic

So basically it was a me problem. You are dojng absolutely nothing wrong and if you can have a couple of drinks and you enjoy that, keep doing you. If the heavy drinkers make a comment it is literally them being forced to examine their own drinking and its very uncomfortable

I think you’re reading a bit too much into it. They’re just sad you’re leaving because they were enjoying hanging out with you! It doesn’t come across as a negative reflection.

You could adapt it to "Any more than a couple and I get a migraine".

How would any of you even know how much each other have actually had to drink.

Drunk people aren't really aware of how drunk others are or how many times they've been to the bar.

No. I have friends who drink a lot, some who drink little, and others who don’t drink at all. It’s quite literally never been an issue. Everyone drinks at their own pace.

But I wouldn’t take “oh you’re leaving already? Do you have something important to do tomorrow?” from friends as judgemental in isolation. They’re having fun, they assume you’re having fun, they don’t want to stop having fun and are surprised you do.

I don't drink much. Three pints is my absolute limit before I'm beered out and just don't want anymore. I usually stop after two.

I've never judged, or felt judged by, people who drink more. But, then, I wouldn't consider, "Are you leaving already?" to be anything more than a question if I leave somewhere before others.

Why would I read judgement into that? Or care?

Heavy drinkers put pressure on moderate drinkers and call them boring or lightweights simply to try to normalise their excessive drinking. They don’t want to countenance that just having a couple of drinks is a viable option on a night out. Bugger them. Drink only what you feel comfortable with.

I've found it much easier now I've stopped drinking. When I drank a little there was a lot of pressure to drink more. People even getting me alcoholic drinks when I'd asked for soft ones. I tell people I dont drink anymore because it gives me migraine. I make a sorry for myself, but what can you do? face, and they sympathise and that's the end of that.

Honestly OP you should only drink what you yourself are comfortable with drinking.

It doesn't matter a damn what other people think about you drinking moderately.

And anyone who tries to encourage you to drink more isn't your friend.

Drunks are boring and embarrassing. Why would you want to be like them anyway?